UPDATE: Due to the moron dorks at my company who can’t seem to code worth a shit – Caligula has been pushed back to late 2018 (though the following announcement reflecting the excitement surrounding the release remains the same).
Good morning.
This is a very exciting day.
Today, with the full power of the World’s Largest Media Company behind me, I announce Facebook’s reign over the world’s hearts and minds is coming to a horrible, bloody end!
- No longer will creepy 50 year olds spend hours every day buying little pigs for their digital farms.
- No longer will last night’s drunken photos greet you first thing in the morning (posted by the one asshole in your group who didn’t drink).
- No longer will we all have to stare at the same goddamned sunrise on the mastheads of everyone’s Timeline.
- Oh, yeah, and no longer will your personal information be sold to major media corporations like my own just so we can push our next stupid movie into your news feed. [Manka Bros. Corporate Disclaimer: This last point is TBD.]
No, World, Manka Bros. is your only Friend now – because CALIGULA IS COMING TO SAVE YOU FROM THE SOUL SUCKAGE THAT IS FACEBOOK!
Unfortunately, this morning I can only share with you the proposed logo (see image) and the promise that, yes, indeed, Caligula will kill Facebook.
How?
Through superior engineering, an unmatched global marketing infrastructure and a deep pocketed parent company that isn’t afraid to lose a few Billion to win this fight!
While I can’t give out any details of this exciting new platform, I can assure you that Caligula is already six times better than Facebook. When it launches, it will be over ten times better.
Mankaneers from 175 countries have been working around the clock for several years preparing for this war.
The ultimate battle for your free time will be joined in 2011 (make that 2012).
Won’t you join us?
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company