Ari Emanuel – Page 4

July 21, 2011July 21, 2011

Don’t Blame Superman

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Amanda Seyfried, Andrew Chang, Angela Bromstad, Anil Ambani, Ann Daly, Anne Globe, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Beastly, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Brothers Grimm, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Clark Hallren, Comic-Con, Craig Ring, Craig Smith, Dan Satterthwaite, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Dreamworks Animation, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Gemma Arterton, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Guillermo Del Toro, Hans Woolley, Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters, Harry Brittenham, Harry Sloan, Heather O'Conner, Hey Diddle Diddle, Holly Bario, Jack the Giant Killer, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Small, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeremy Renner, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John Batter, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Judson Green, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Lew Coleman, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Sourian, Mark Stein, Melody Hobson, Michael Eisner, Michael J. Montgomery, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nathan Myhrvold, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Allen, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Pinnochio, Red Riding Hood, Reliance ADA Group, Rich Sullivan, Richard F. Zannino, Richard Sherman, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Roger Enrico, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Snow White and the Seven, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas Freston, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor Kaufman, Walt Disney

Today, I read an analyst report written by Vasily Karasyov of Susquehanna Financial Group titled “The Death of Superheroes”.

Salacious title? Certainly.

A title that would get the attention of every media executive around the world? Absolutely.

A title that’s total bullshit? Definitely.

According to this report, over the past ten years movie studios have plucked 16 superheroes (or super groups) from the obscurity of the basements of geeks and put them smack dab in the global spotlight for everyone to see.

Some have been really good, made lots of money and spawned sequels, rebirths and regurgitations (e.g., “Spider-Man”, “Batman”, “Iron Man”, “X-Men”).

Others were shit and lost a lot of money (basically the rest of them).

For the most part, that’s the way it’s supposed to work. Good = success. Bad = no success.

Over that same time, about 2,000 other movies were released to varying degrees of success. These included huge non-comic book movies like “Harry Potter”, “Lord of the Rings”, “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “The Hangover”, and, sure, even Woody Allen’s biggest hit ever “Midnight In Paris”.

So while it seems every other movie that comes out is a comic book movie, nothing could be further from the truth. But that’s not the point I want to make.

Here’s the point: People are not tired of Superheroes. You cannot blame the superhero for the failure of corporate mortals.

If every comic book/superhero movie were unbelievably great, audiences would flock to them and they would all be huge hits.

Seriously, if the studios would have put out 16 awesome, well-made, true to the source comic book movies, they would have had, guaranteed, 16 big hit, profitable movies.

But this didn’t happen and it never will happen. Why? Because movie studios always try to make good movies. Regardless of what some people think, the executives at movie studios are not trying to suck.

Every movie that is made (with all those millions of dollars at stake) start off with a single dream – to be really good and to make money (maybe not in that order). Everyone, at every level, works very hard to make these films as good as humanly possible.

But somewhere along the chain – from concept to the day of release – something happens to make them suck.

And in most cases, lots of things happen to make them suck.

The movie-making process is subjective. One person’s gold is another person’s shit.

What Hollywood IS GUILTY OF is genre rape.

Once one high-concept or genre film hits it really big (i.e., “Alice In Wonderland”) suddenly every studio in town needs to have that high-concept or genre type film in the pipeline ASAP.

Because of “Alice In Wonderland”, over the past year every studio had to have as many fairy tale scripts as they get their hands on including THREE FREAKIN’ “SNOW WHITES”!

My God, even Manka Bros. – my studio – bought the rights to “Hey Diddle Diddle” and plans to spend well over $150 million to produce something we know will fail. Sorry, boss.

Go down any list of genre and you’ll see one movie that started the entire feeding frenzy. “Scream” spawned hundreds of crappy horror movies. “Harry Potter” got everyone out there trying to find the next great children’s fantasy series. Vampires, zombies… it’s just a case of mass brainlessness.

But here’s the shocker. What do I think needs to be changed? Nothing.

Movies should continue to be made and they should be made as well as possible.

Some should be based on comic books because it’s really great source material.

Others should be based on the Bible, or Dickens or Broadway . Because it’s really great source material.

And yet others should be based on ideas people think up on their own (imagine that!) – because the brain is capable of coming up with a really great source material.

“Hollywood” isn’t broken and the Superhero isn’t dead (Christopher Nolan could turn any deep catalog comic book character into a franchise – even something like “Gerbil Girl”) – everyone involved in the process just needs to concentrate more on entertaining the audience and less on just filling a summer slot.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – Why the hell is “Glee” at Comic-Con? If you want to talk about something that’s dead… it’s Comic-Con. And IT WAS killed by the movie studios. If you want a good laugh, read the transcript from Khan Manka, Jr.’s keynote address to last year’s Comic-Con.

July 19, 2011July 19, 2011

The Woman Who Saved News Corp.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Wendi Deng Murdoch

With one mighty slap, Wendi Deng Murdoch may have saved her husband’s company.

No longer was the story about hacking or impropriety or ethics, it was about a wife coming to her 80-year-old husband’s defense when he was attacked.

Rupert Murdoch is a hated man, obviously. He runs a company without ethics or moral compass with a history of crushing anyone who got in his way.

At the Phone Hacking Scandal Hearing, as question after question came from the Members of Parliament, he denied denied denied.

Rupert sat there stone-faced, acted like he couldn’t hear questions (maybe he actually has bad hearing) and then calmly placed blame on junior executives.

James Murdoch sat there red-faced, embarrassed – a completely worthless deer-in-headlights.

All of their answers were the answers of cowards.

Social networks were salivating at the possibility that Rupert’s empire would fall. The press were poised to rake them over the coals without mercy…

… and then he was attacked by an idiot comedian with a pie tin full of shaving cream (or whipped cream) – and Wendi Deng Murdoch went into action without thought or fear. She smacked that guy with a mighty right hand and he went down.

With one slap, the narrative of the story had changed, the old man got a little boost of sympathy and the entire hearing became a circus.

Any public judgments against News Corp. or Rupert or James had been pushed to the back – almost forcing news outlets to refocus the story on “Who is Wendi Murdoch and Where Did She Learn To Punch?”

Splitting the media attention was what was needed to get Rupert off the hot seat and this dumb ass activist being punched to the ground by Wendi Deng Murdoch accomplished that to perfection.

It makes you wonder if it was planned that way by News Corp.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

May 19, 2011May 20, 2011

LinkedIn Acquired By Monster.com For $37,242

Jeff Weiner, Nick Besbeas, Steve Cadigan, Mike Gamson, David Henke, Robby Kwok, Deep Nishar, Erika Rottenberg, Steve Sordello, Reid Hoffman, Allen Blue, Konstantin Guericke, Eric Ly, jean-Luc Vaillant, A George "Skip" Battle, Leslie Kilgore, Stanley Meresman, Michael J. Moritz, David Sze, Sal Iannuzzi, Timothy T. Yates, John Gaulding, Admiral Edmund P. Giambastiani, Cynthia P. McCague, Jeffrey F. Rayport, Roberto Tunioli, James M. Langrock, Andrea Bertone, Darko Dejanovic, Ted Gilvar, Edward Lo, Michael C. Miller, Lise Poulos, Mark Stoever, Patrick W. Manzo, OnMedea, Jill Kennedy, Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Ben Silverman, Sumner Redstone, Jeff Zucker, Ari Emanuel, Rupert Murdoch, Bob Iger

The year is 2014.

The people of the world have abandoned social networking after going out on too many creepy dates.

LinkedIn, once a Wall Street darling, was acquired today by Monster.com for $37,242 – basically the value of the copper wire in the walls of their unfinished (and unpaid for) $1 billion dollar office complex in The Presidio.

At its peak in late 2011, LinkedIn (a groundbreaking social network in which people could send messages to each other) had a market cap of $560 billion – more than the top 2 companies in the world combined.

The stock began its plunge after CEO Jeff Weiner cashed out and left the company to become CEO of Apple at the beginning of 2012. Ironically, Apple’s stock began its plunge immediately after he became CEO.

It’s really a tragic story of greed and the inability to create a product that people can actually use. And if they did use it, it was only because they thought they should be doing it – because others were – and no one wants to be left out. But now everyone is left out.

About the sale, Mr. Weiner said: “I work at Apple now. I’m just thinking about running this company. LinkedIn was just a blip in my long career. It was really Reid’s baby, Reid’s vision (State Senator Reid Hoffman D-Palo Alto). I just worked there.”

And made over $2 billion while there.

Senator Hoffman was unreachable by phone but did release a statement through his office: “LinkedIn should have been my ticket to wealth beyond my wildest dreams. Thinking back, I wish I would have sold all (or even some) of my stock when it peaked like Jeff Weiner did. That bastard made $2 billion! It’s a God damned shame. State politics don’t pay shit.”

So LinkedIn, you were great once (in valuation), but now you’re gone. To quote The Lion In Winter – “The sun was warmer then…”

Shine on you crazy diamond!

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

May 13, 2011May 13, 2011

Haley Reinhart? WHY????

American Idol, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bruce Gowers, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Freemantle Enterprises, Gaude Lydia Paez, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Pritchett, Kara DioGuardi, Ken Warwick, Kevin Reilly, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Nigel Lythgoe, Nikki Finke, Paula Abdul, Peter Rice, Randy Jackson, Rupert Murdoch, Ryan Seacrest, Scott Grogin, Sharon Waxman, Simon Cowell leaving American Idol, Simon Fuller, Terry Semel, Haley Reinhart, James Durbin, Scott McCreery, Lauren Alaina, Jennifer Lopez, Ben Silverman, Jimmy Iovine

Am I the only one in America who thinks she is undeserving of all these accolades?

TOP 3 on American Idol? Seriously?

Whenever she sings it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. About a 1/4 tone under the note with no life to her voice at all. That blank stare without emotion, the inability to move in a natural way.

Is she related to a producer on the show or something?

Is she the Goddaughter of Jimmy Iovine?

I think we need Dan Lyons (the guy who exposed the Facebook smear campaign against Google) to do a full investigation into the popularity of Haley. Because something is not right here.

Based on Jennifer Lopez’s reaction last night, she also knows that something is rotten in state of Hollywood.

What am I missing?

People, please help me understand why America is brainwashed to think Haley is talented enough to win this competition.

James Durbin has probably the best and most natural voice this show has seen in years. He has a four octave range. Scotty has a four note range. James could scream all day and never lose his voice – Haley has been hoarse all year.

Please, help me understand?

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

April 29, 2011April 29, 2011

Unattractive Women Have Zero Chance In Hollywood…

… and New York, for that matter. And I’m talking about WRITERS!

Of course, there are some small roles in film and television that are played by unattractive female actresses (the psychotic neighbor, the diner waitress, the homeless woman, the awkward teen friend, etc.) – and we sort of understand why ‘on-camera’ talent has to have a certain look.

But writers? Why do they have to look a certain way? They just have to be able to write. Right? Quasimodo should be able to make it in this town – that is, if Quasimodo was a really good writer. Is that naive?

Being fairly new to L.A., I was shocked to learn that the new crop of budding female screenwriters (those under 30) are freakin’ hot. And, of the females out there writing (and there are millions), the hot ones seem to be the only ones getting meetings.

There is a very high profile production company down the hall from my office which receives a good amount of foot traffic from writers pitching script ideas. The males that come in are pretty much all unattractive, unkempt and fat (the standard male screenwriter uniform of baseball cap – [Cubs preferably], shorts and a giant t-shirt is a cliche… but in this case, a true cliche). [Note: If the male screenwriter becomes successful, then his body changes – he’s still unattractive but now he’s ‘kempt’ and very much in shape. Success leads to getting laid, getting laid leads to getting in shape.]

The female writers that come in are all hot. There’s not one Wendy Wasserstein in the bunch. Some wear glasses to have that ‘smart’ look – but they all accentuate their boobs and have a nice tight ass. Perhaps this current wave of new writers was influenced in some way by Scriptgirl411. Even though ScriptGirl is mostly satire, there is a certain fantasy that male producers have (and have had since Hollywood began) and she hits it right on the head.

Female screenwriters make up a extremely low percentage of screenplays written in this town (oh, let’s say 2%, though accurate data is very hard to come by) – so I suppose when male producers feel they need to hire a female to give the script a ‘certain voice’, being the shallow boys that they are, they would prefer to spend all that time with someone hot. That’s pretty much the way this town works in every area of entertainment (even catering… thank you Giada De Laurentiis!).

I do believe this is just a fad and it will change once some of the beautiful but untalented writers start to get screen credits and the movies fail at the box office. Talent will win the day – much as it did for older male screenwriters who were shut out in the 90s for younger guys right out of film school.

Today, it doesn’t seem to matter how old a male writer is, the quality of the script seems to win out. This is mainly due to the low number of projects being greenlit and the low tolerance for bad writing. Top male executives (and a couple of females) at production companies and studios can no longer take a chance on being the “cutting edge” type or “trend setting”. In today’s economy, their jobs and bonuses are very much on the line – so they’d better get it right (write).

However, it’s funny, but when it’s a hot, young, female screenwriter, film executives have an amazing tolerance for bad writing. This, too, will change.

Talent will win the day – though it’s much easier to get tits in the door than a foot.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

April 1, 2011July 19, 2012

Broadcast Networks – On Death And Dying

For Broadcast Networks, the end is coming and it’s time for them to Accept their fate. (The 2012 Emmy Nominations only strengthen this point.)

This isn’t to say ABC, CBS, FOX, MBS, NBC, Univision and The CW (and similar Broadcast Networks around the world) are going away. They’ll just have to transform into one of the million other “Channels” out there – high profile Channels with good programming and production values – but still just another button on the Great Media Grid like ESPN, TNT, USA, Oxygen, Justin.tv (indeed), YouTube, etc.

According to a model developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying”, there are Five Stages of Grief.

Over the past 20 years or so, Broadcast Networks have bounced around the First Four Stages in an effort to fight off the inevitable:

1. Denial: Broadcast Networks will always be the only place to reach a large audience. We don’t see that ever going away. No one is going to watch the shit they make on Cable. It’s nothing but George Foreman Grill infomercials and drunken Jackass teenagers riding their bikes into traffic.

2. Anger: It’s just not right! They make such crap on Basic Cable (again – see Emmy Nominations). How are they pulling in more advertising than us?! I don’t give a shit about the ratings of “Jersey Shore”, the content on Broadcast Networks is far superior and always will be. Goddamnit! And don’t you dare mention that fucking “Mad Men” to me again! And Hell will freeze over before we ever produce a series for that inferior platform. There’s no syndication value. It’s bullshit!

3. Bargaining: The playing field is not level. It’s not fair. We really need you cable and satellite operators to pay us to retransmit our signal. Don’t forget – we’re the Broadcast Networks. If you give us two revenue streams, we’ll give you really great programming with high ratings and advertising rates that are healthy for everyone. Don’t you realize there is only one place to reach a large audience?

4. Depression: Remember when Saturday night was the greatest night on television – when three networks (and three network Presidents) controlled every household? Everyone had incredible line-ups. It will never be that good again. Thursday night used to be a place where advertisers needed us to launch a new movie or car or department store sales. Those were the days. Oh well, at least we still have our beach houses and court side basketball seats.

5. Acceptance: It’s going to be okay. It’s not so bad to be equated with TBS. I mean, they have Conan O’Brien now. They are sort of like a Broadcast Network. And we’re still bigger than most of the other Channels. And we’ll get the Super Bowl back one day (after ESPN and The Food Network have their turns). It’s all good.

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The death of Broadcast Networks may not happen in the next five years but it IS going to happen and the sooner we put them out of their misery and end that painful decline, the faster the industry can heal and begin to grow again.

And even though every year in May, the upfronts always seem to break new records (and the Broadcasters will shout that fact from the rooftops in the Trades), make no mistake, nothing can be done to save Broadcast Networks.

It’s an old concept in a new world.

For old school TV executives and their Madison Avenue chronies who are accustomed to lavish Upfront Presentations at Carnegie Hall, Madison Square Garden and the International Space Station, it’s time to just let it go. The Days of Wine and Roses and Fine Dining and Muffin Baskets are over.

Broadcast Network defenders (yes, Les Moonves, this means you) are finding fewer and fewer allies in their argument. Face the facts, ESPN and Google are more valuable than CBS. It may not seem fair – but there are many new Sheriffs in town. Remember, if you’re in a business where single-digit drops in viewers is the New Growth, your business sucks.

So what are the Broadcast Networks supposed to do next? Very simple. Just accept equal footing (two revenue streams – subscription and advertising – enough with this silly Retrans business that no one can understand) and continue to run your business as just another Channel on the Grid.

In the future (and it’s coming), with a channel lineup grid that will be sorted Alphabetically and not by “importance” or “size” (and will include TV channels, websites and whatever else comes up) programming is, as it always has been, King .

And may the best programmer win.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

March 31, 2011October 13, 2011

Mob Wives – The Future Of Media Is Here!

UPDATE: Lynda Milito, the widow of murdered Gambino capo Louie Milito and author of the Cosa Nostra tell-all “Mafia Wife: My Story of Love, Murder and Madness,” has hit producers of the all-in-the-crime-family reality series with a cease-and-desist letter.

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Finally, thanks to Ben Silverman and Harvey Weinstein, the future of media is clear.

I believe “Mob Wives” has proven to be their finest hour and is, most likely, their legacy. Congratulations guys.

(UPDATE SIDE NOTE: Don’t worry about that little ‘cease-and-desist’ thing – I think there are quite a few people on “Mob Wives” that can take care of that problem… if you know what I mean.)

I certainly hope as the show goes on you guys will order a step up in the violence. We all want more real life Mafia Hits and a lot of gratuitous violence (to accompany all that built in product placement that Electus will bring to the project).

I think I know why Ben was brought in by Harvey to help produce. If, for whatever crazy reason, this show gets canceled, I can imagine how the conversation between Harvey and Ben will go:

Harvey (on the phone): Hey Ben!

Ben (Eurotrash music thumps in the background): Huh?!

Harvey: I got a call from VH1, “Mob Wives” is canceled – I would like you to tell the “Mob Wives” in person.

Ben: We can’t cancel “Mob Wives” – their husbands are violent criminals, they’ll come after us. They need that $20,000 a week we pay them for money laundering.

Harvey: It’s over, Ben. This was your dumb idea. You tell them.

Ben: It wasn’t my–

Harvey: Shut up, Ben. Do it! And give me Barry Diller’s number, I need to pay the light bill.

Five minutes later, Ben makes a call:

Ricky Van Veen: Hee hee heeee!! Ah-oo-gah! You’ve got Rickaaaiiiee–!!

Ben: Cut the shit, Ricky. I need you to do me a favor. You know that show “Mob Wives” – it’s canceled. There’s a meat locker downtown where we have our production meetings, go down and tell them the show is toast.

Ricky Van Veen: No problema, hip master B!
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At least, I THINK that’s how it would go.

I look forward to a further expansion of the “Mob Wives” brand and would love to see more wives of violent people. It’s just great television.

Maybe “Serial Killer Wives”, “Terrorist Wives”, “Dentist Wives” – it’s just an endless brand and really plays into Ben Silverman’s vision of the future of media.

Ben, dude, you are hitting on all cylinders.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

March 31, 2011April 11, 2011

DreamWorks Animation – What’s The Point?

I certainly hope Jeffrey Katzenberg is actively trying to sell the company. I mean, for a guy like him, I just don’t get why he does it.

For most people, it would be a great gig: Produce two high quality (some at Pixar would say average quality) animated movies a year for ever and ever and ever. But Jeffrey Katzenberg isn’t ‘most people’. He’s a guy that wanted to build an empire and has apparently stopped trying to do that. I can’t imagine he’s suddenly content with what he has.

When DreamWorks was formed in 1994, I was all for it. To build a media empire from scratch is the kind of ambition that Hollywood hadn’t seen in decades (and probably won’t be seen again). But if anyone could do it, it would be Spielberg, Katzenberg and Geffen – SKG. But they couldn’t stomach the hard times.

They didn’t have the guts of a Khan Manka or a Walt Disney who were willing to mortgage everything to keep their dreams afloat. SKG used mostly other people’s money – not their houses or art collections – and the other people started getting nervous. SKG decided to remain rich and refined the art of risk management.

And I’m sure they’ve all had very happy lives even without a media empire.

But I think it’s time for DreamWorks to finally exit the stage. It’s going to happen sooner or later. Just do it now. Why go through the aggravation of further stockholder meetings and quarterly reports to Wall Street.

Right, Mr. Katzenberg?

Just sell (probably for a few billion), if you can, at a decent return to shareholders, set up an office on one of the studio lots and reminisce about the old days and how things might have turned out different if you’d been a little crazier.

Nearly all the movies DreamWorks Animation has produced and will produce have been and will most likely be solid hits worldwide that any film studio would love to add to their library/event film slate. It’s a pretty simple formula – write average script, hire stars as voices, animate, market, distribute and make about $500 million worldwide (with only the occasional disappointment of something like “Flushed Away”). Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

A big studio purchase of DWA fits perfectly into Hollywood’s current mindset of accurately predicting financial results and avoiding any kind of risk.

Lucky are we to get to pay for and sit through the movies that reflect this strategy.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

March 5, 2011April 6, 2011

CBS Films – R.I.P. – Beastly Update

UPDATE: The original CBS Films R.I.P. post below was written on January 25, 2010, right after “Extraordinary Measures” starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser flopped.

The latest CBS Films release to flop is “Beastly” starring actors who didn’t get cast in “Twilight”. This modern take on “Beauty and the Beast” (one of an endless stream of upcoming Fairy Tale Movies) had an opening weekend of about $10 million. While this one is not a complete disaster like the previous releases, and may only lose a couple of million, it won’t, by any means, be able to save the life of the division.

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CBS Films – R.I.P. (January 25, 2010)

I’m actually surprised there isn’t more inside media coverage of the disastrous debut of CBS Films’ first release – “Extraordinary Measures” starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser ($6.0 million opening weekend from over 2,500 theaters – finishing 8th behind “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” in its 5th week).

I realize the Jay/Dave/Conan/Jeff Zucker drama is a much sexier story but CBS Films’ failure is another example of the cocksure executive that believes he can do no wrong.

Les Moonves, former bit player on “The Six Million Dollar Man” turned powerful CBS media mogul, is the exec on the hot seat this time. (Personally, I can imagine Jeff Zucker pushing this story just to get his name out of the press.)

Four years ago, when Sumner Redstone was completing the disastrous Viacom / CBS split, Mr. Moonves wanted Paramount Pictures so badly that when he didn’t get it, he decided he could create a new Paramount Pictures from scratch – CBS Films.

It’s a cold Monday morning at Black Rock today.

I’m assuming there will be two maybe three more failed releases in 2010 and then a decision to “refocus CBS’ energies on our booming cable network distribution platforms and new media” (translation: the coming end of CBS Films – probably at the end of 2011).

The R.I.P. tombstone above is generous in giving CBS Films a four year lifespan (2007-2011) considering the first release wasn’t until this past weekend – but I think three years of staffing up and development does count at being in business.

Another possibility for CBS would be to acquire Summit Entertainment. At least then they would have two guaranteed hits in the pipeline – the final two “Twilight” movies.

Or… my personal dream plan, somehow have CBS either acquire or wrest away Paramount from Viacom. News Corporation then buys Viacom’s cable channels (assets they sorely need). And Viacom shuts down thus getting us one step closer to saying bye-bye to Sumner Redstone forever.

Regardless of what happens, CBS’ old media experiment is not going to make it.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

February 18, 2011April 11, 2011

Not ANOTHER Fairy Tale Ending

Once upon a time, Hollywood was creatively bankrupt… again. The year was 2011 and poor little Hollywood didn’t know what kind of movies to make.

The heads of the major studios (including Manka Bros. – the owner of OnMedea) knew that a film adaptation of the fairy tale “Alice In Wonderland” made over $1 billion at the box office in 2010 and said “That’s a lot of money.”

So after much thought (or not), Hollywood decided to make EVERY FREAKING FAIRY TALE EVER WRITTEN INTO A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE!

Come on, really?

Every day, I read about another studio doing another fairy tale adaption. And all of them are a DARK, GRITTY version that the “19th century authors originally had in mind”.

Not a fluffy Hollywood squeaky clean version that doesn’t scare our whimpy modern day kids – but a frightening and bloody tale like children used to experience when kids were tough and enjoyed waking up screaming from a horrifying nightmare because of the bedtime story they were read.

To be fair, I think it was a great idea to reimagine Red Riding Hood with a darker tone – which is certainly fitting of the story. And while the trailer looks like a cross between a perfume ad and Twilight, I still believe it’s a solid original concept and should result in strong box office. (I’ll certainly be there opening weekend.)

But then came a fairy tale adaptation tsunami (which includes 3 SNOW WHITES!) that has now completely flooded the town.

Here’s a sampling of what’s coming up:

Jack the Giant Killer (Warner Bros.) – a gritty modern day reimagining of the classic tale.

The Brothers Grimm: Snow White (Relativity) – gritty reimagining starring Julia Roberts as the Wicked Queen.

Snow White and The Huntsman (Universal) – gritty reimagining starring Charlize Theron as the Wicked Queen.

Snow White and The Seven (Disney) – sweet, no gritty, set in 19th century China.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (Paramount) – Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton (and, no doubt, various star cameos), H&G are now accomplished bounty hunters out to get the witches who nearly killed them years before.

Beastly (CBS Films) – Beauty & The Beast set in high school. I don’t expect much from this one as I’ve already predicted the death of CBS Films in a previous blog.

Pinnochio 3D – a stop motion reimagining of the classic fairy tale. Expect a very dark and disturbing retake on this one as it comes from the genius mind of Guillermo Del Toro. I can already imagine losing sleep after I witness the stop motion, painful transformation of the children into donkeys sequence.

Hey Diddle Diddle (Manka Bros.) – a grim reimagining of the classic bedtime ditty set during the 1930s in a Soviet Union gulag. Why does the cow jump over the moon? Freedom.

Grimm (NBC) – Gritty TV cop drama set in a world where the characters of Grimm’s Fairy Tales actually exist.

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And that’s just in the next couple of years. Just think if these projects make money what we’ll see next:

Pat the Bunny – set in a post-apocalyptic cannibalistic world.

Rumpelstiltskin – featuring the beloved garden Gnomes from Gnomeo & Juliet in their first R-rated turn.

If You Give A Mouse A Cookie – rewritten with darker twists and turns so that it ends in murder.

Etc. etc. etc.

And the sad reality is, I won’t be able to take my five year old daughter to one of them because, if I did, she would wake up screaming in the middle of the night after witnessing Snow White disembowel one of the dwarfs (or something).

But I guess these movies aren’t made for her. They’re Fairy Tales – they’re not made for children for Christ’s sake. They’re made for the guys who go to Comic-Con. And THEY lived happily ever after.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea