If Alf Landon would have won the Presidency in 1936, this country would be a hell of a lot different. May God damn FDR again and again and again!
If Alf Landon were President, we wouldn’t have waited for the Japs to bomb us, we would have bombed them as soon as they Raped Naking.
We would have bombed Germany while Hitler was still sucking on his mother’s cock.
We would have bombed Russia before they were the Soviet Union. What happened there in Goddamn 1905 was good enough reason for me!
We goddamned would have stopped alot of Goddamned suffering.
The people wanted Alf.
The people loved Alf.
Alf got screwed up the ass because he was from Kansas.
FDR said to the New York Times, “Presidents don’t come from Kansas. Kansas is where drooling idiots fornicate with mules.” [ed. note: FDR never said any such thing. The 1936 election was won by FDR in the biggest landslide in U.S. Presidential history.]
I lost my train of thought. Once again, my last remaining peaceful moments in my life ruined by THOSE DAMN KIDS.
It seems that little idiot Billy Snotstick from across the street decided to throw a flaming dog turd onto my lawn.
Ooh, real destructive jerk! Where I come from that’s mulch!
Let’s see how that disrespectful little retard would like a Molotov cocktail thrown into his house in the middle of the night.
I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU!
As I watch Mrs. Aldrich clean up the shit, I suddenly realize…
Fuck politics, fuck presidential debates, I’ll be dead in four years.
I’ll talk at you next week…
Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids