Following a disastrous staff meeting with a roomful of idiots posing as my senior management team, I have decided to make a few changes to the organizational structure of Manka Bros.
Previously, all of the division heads – Robin Rafe (Theatrical), Jay McBee (Television), Emily Sachs (Music), Cyrus Weinstein (Publishing), Ethan Rubidioux (Consumer Products, Broadway, Sports, Fun Parks, Kids and Digital) as well as COO Lloyd Grohl and CFO David Chang – reported directly to me.
That’s all changing.
As of today, I will have NO DIRECT REPORTS. I seriously don’t want to talk to any of you if I don’t have to.
Going forward, I am going to write down certain tasks (on color coordinated index cards) that you must complete (i.e., which films, TV shows, books, music, etc. should be greenlit and what should be passed on – as well as all the other day-to-day business that may come up).
My assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry, will pin the cards to a bulletin board in the foyer outside of my office suite.
You may check the board throughout the day and if there is a task for you on it – you must complete it.
Write back the results or any issues that may come up on the card and I may or may not read it.
The matching of color and executive has yet to be determined – I am planning to meditate on that this afternoon. I’ll have the final colors posted within 30 days.
You may not get the color you are hoping – be open-minded.
I think this new structure will save me a lot of time and aggravation as I don’t wish to see any of you people that much anymore.
But that’s not all…
I have also decided to adjust the organizational structure of my household as follows:
My daughter (and Manka Bros. Board Member), Connie, will continue to report directly to me but only on nights and weekends.
During the day she will have a dual report to our housekeeper Lily and house manager Jerome.
My housekeeper Lily will continue to report to Jerome who will continue to report to me (but may not directly address me unless I address him first).
My driver Fernando will now report to Lily (and no longer to me).
My dog, Caesar, will have a dual report to Connie and Lily.
My ex-wives will continue to report to my lawyer.
That’s it for now.
I believe this new structure will help me to avoid contact with my senior management team and thus I will avoid having to hear all of the mind-numbingly dumb ideas that come out of their mouths.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company