As of today, Manka Bros. will no longer hire anyone who is 30 or over.
Over the past year or so, I have come to realize it would be a strategic blunder for myself and the Manka Bros. shareholders to produce any new content or develop any new distribution platforms for anyone other than those between the ages of 0 and 29.
I’m not going to lose millions just so some old person can keep their job!
Manka Bros. is producing 157 comic book movies over the next 35 years. I don’t want that shit to look cool to 50-year-olds but completely bore 15-year-olds.
Based on everything we need to do going forward, there is no point to having anyone work on the creative or business side that is over 30.
Business schools call this the “Logan’s Run” HR strategy and it’s secretly being used effectively by many high-profile Silicon Valley companies.
I like to think of it more as the MTV VJ strategy of firing the VJ women (only) once they hit 25. (Look at me, “MTV VJs” – really showing my age there. Thank God I own the studio or I would right out on my ass 🙂 )
But seriously, 31-year-olds don’t know what 25-year-olds watch or how they interact with content. And no one gives a shit what a 31-year-old watches.
I mean, who is going to watch the new Mad Max movie (which was made by a 70-year-old director!)? I mean, just look at this piece of shit:
The buzz is much better for our upcoming summer release “Flaccid Trip” – which was directed by an 18-year-old high school kid using only his iPhone as a camera.
Watch this clip and you be the judge:
See what I mean? THAT’S what the young people want.
Being the oldest (and largest) studio in Hollywood has its advantages (deep pockets, deep library, classic characters) but also its disadvantages (old thinking, stuck in our ways, etc.).
So, what’s to become of all the current employees who are over 30?
Most will be let go with the exception of anyone that is an SVP or above.
While it is true that most of the SVPs and above are rich, fat and haven’t thought of anything new or exciting in years, most of their exit packages would be too great and I don’t want to part with that cash. (And I also don’t want to disrupt my weekly squash game that I have with some of those guys.)
Everyone below SVP – who is 30 or older – should be receiving some sort of call in the next, I don’t know, month or so.
I’m sure this new policy will have its detractors and I’m sure you all have many questions – but it is nearing lunch time and I am typing this myself (my assistant is 42 and I don’t want to upset her before lunch).
Thanks for all your hard work over the years (though I know many of you didn’t work hard at all – just saying) and I hope all of you who are leaving Manka Bros. will wish us all the best as we become a younger, incredibly innovative and much more fun place to work.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
P.S. – If you are 29, you may want to start looking for a job (or go on unemployment, I don’t really care).
P.P.S – Follow us on SOCIAL MEDIA! That’s right, suckers, we’re on Vine, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, Tumblr, Snapchat (maybe not) – because THAT’S what my daughter Connie says the kids are doing.
P.P.P.S. – And for any old people and losers out there – we also have a web page, a broadcast network and cable channels – HA HA – pathetic.