Mitt Romney: It’s Time To Play The Mormon Card

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham Young, Book of Mormon, Trey Parker, Matt Stone

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham YoungGood morning.

Normally I don’t use this space to write about politics (except when Newt Gingrich was a front runner and I felt if he became President America would be seriously f-cked), but now that it’s a two man race (Obama vs. Romney), I thought I would offer Mr. Romney some strategic advice to seriously put him over the top.

Mitt, it’s time to play the Mormon card.

As many of you know, Mitt Romney is a Mormon but you never hear him talk about it on the campaign trail. What the fuck is up with that?

He doesn’t talk about taxes. Though if it’s true and he has paid at least 13% every year for the past 10 years, then he is truly a dumbass. If you are very wealthy in this country, and I count myself as one, you would have to be a total moron to pay 13% or more. I paid a little less than 2% last year, I think (off the record).

It’s disturbing all the things he can’t talk about. Dude is hiding a whole bunch of shit while talking on the stump about more transparency in government.

But back to religion. What Republican presidential candidate has ever gone through the process without getting into the whole Jesus thing?

And it’s not even mentioned in his Bio on his own Presidential Campaign website.

Why?

Is he embarrassed for some reason?

Don’t the Tea Party freaks and people on the Right want their candidate to talk openly about religion and their love of God?

It seems like a real missed opportunity on Mr. Romney’s part.

I have a very simple solution for him… just show the world this video.

It’s a song called “I Believe” from the Broadway smash hit “The Book of Mormon”.

This show is so huge right now that it’s just plain stupid for Mitt not to leverage it to his advantage.

 

 

If enough people watch this video it could really put Mitt and the Mormon church in the White House and go a long way toward cutting into that huge Protestant/Catholic market share advantage.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham YoungSure, Mormonism isn’t just about Broadway shows, no coffee and helping the poor (I threw that last one in – maybe it’s true), it’s also about the World’s Tallest Polished Granite Shaft (in Vermont – at Joseph Smith’s birth place).

It’s also about… other things, I would imagine (I’m Jewish – so I’m not that versed on what goes on in the Mormon church – though Salt Lake City is very clean – and I’ve heard that choir is pretty good).

Most of my Hollywood liberal friends (except Rupert but he’s a serial phone tapper so who cares who he votes for) will be supporting President Obama (and, yes, I attended Jeffrey Katzenberg’s fund raiser last spring).

I, for one, have not made up my mind – but if Mitt Romney had the courage to stand up at the Republican convention and say:  “I am a Mormon – and this is what I believe!” – it just might get me to vote for him (unless he goes all batshit Mormon and his eyes start to bug out).

It’s worth a shot, right? It’s either that or go down as a elitist prick who is not concerned about any of the crappy shit that is going on in the world.

Don’t hide from your religion, Mitt.

Use it to your advantage.

And I love that you’re stashing money in hidden bank accounts all around the world… ME, TOO!

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Newt Gingrich? America Is Seriously F-cked

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron PaulGood afternoon.

So the current polls have something called “Newt Gingrich” leading the Republican field by over 10 percentage points.

To quote my daughter:  “This is some seriously fucked up shit.”

First of all, there needs to be a Constitutional Amendment drawn up immediately that says “No one named Newt Gingrich shall ever be allowed to become President of the United States.”

It’s not even his meandering politics or sloppy appearance (a man can believe and eat whatever he wants in this country as long as you keep going to my movies and watching my TV networks).

He’s just a nothing – basically, the biggest “so what?” in the history of the country.

No platitudes here – all true.

I seriously believe this guy would be just as excited to have a part as a mailman on “Two Broke Girls” as he would to be President of the United States.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron PaulAny attention is good for someone like Newt Gingrich who just likes to pontificate on any subject – regardless if he has knowledge or not.  He doesn’t care about where he is or how important the matter may be – he just likes to talk – in a really boring way and without any sense of consequence.

Imagine President Newt Gingrich and the things he may say:

President Newt Gingrich:  “You want to know where I keep the nuclear codes?  It’s actually a pretty interesting story, Old Farmer at a random Denny’s – I keep them in the vegetable drawer of my private refrigerator – it’s the one drawer that didn’t have any food in it.  Bill Clinton used to keep the codes in his pants – ha ha – get it?  Because he cheated on his wife!  I stopped doing that one wife ago!”

President Newt Gringrich:  “I told Vladimir Putin I would back him up in an illegal election if he would open up Russian theatrical distribution for my documentary Nine Days That Changed The World.”

President Newt Gingrich:  “I don’t have time to talk about the budget today, I’m signing copies of my ‘State of the Union Speech’ at a Books A Million in Annapolis.  Sean Hannity’s buying free coffee and donuts for everybody.”

President Newt Gringrich:  You know, I’m the only historian ever elected President.  Which means I know – based on historical fact – who all the great Presidents were like Ronald Reagan and all the shitty Presidents – like Jimmy Carter.”

Etc. etc. etc. – you get the idea.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron PaulI think it was President Lincoln who said it best in the ‘Gettysburg Address’:

‘Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.  However, should there be at any time in the future a man named Newt Gingrich who decides to run for President – he must not be allowed for the betterment of the world…’

It’s very simple:  No one named Newt Gingrich is allowed to be President of the United States.  

He’s just not allowed.

Period.

If Honest Abe doesn’t like Newt, neither do I…

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

 

Khan Manka, Jr. – Comic-Con 2010 Keynote Address

Ann VanderMeer, Ben Fritz, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bob Schreck, Charlaine Harris, Comic Con 2010, Comic-Con, Comic-Con is Dead, Dan Buckley, David Glanzer, Diane Nelson, Edgar Wright, Gary Berman, Geoff Boucher, Geoff Johns, Heidi McDonald, J. Michael Straczynski, Jack Kirby, Jeannie Schultz, Jeff Zucker, Jerry Beck, Jessica Alba, Jillian Tamaki, Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Evanier, MC Comics, Neal Adams, Paul Levitz, Richard Alf, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Shaw, Shel Dorf, Stan Freberg, Stan Lee, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Kring, Wrath of Con Award, Wrath of Khan Award, Zach Enterlin, Zak Penn, Zorianna Kit

Ann VanderMeer, Ben Fritz, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bob Schreck, Charlaine Harris, Comic Con 2010, Comic-Con, Comic-Con is Dead, Dan Buckley, David Glanzer, Diane Nelson, Edgar Wright, Gary Berman, Geoff Boucher, Geoff Johns, Heidi McDonald, J. Michael Straczynski, Jack Kirby, Jeannie Schultz, Jeff Zucker, Jerry Beck, Jessica Alba, Jillian Tamaki, Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Evanier, MC Comics, Neal Adams, Paul Levitz, Richard Alf, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Shaw, Shel Dorf, Stan Freberg, Stan Lee, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Kring, Wrath of Con Award, Wrath of Khan Award, Zach Enterlin, Zak Penn, Zorianna KitBefore I get started, I just want say that I am not a geek.

I am not a freak.

I am not a dork.

So why am I here today?

I’m here because you geeks, freaks and dorks help keep me in private planes and make my Holmby Hills house very very affordable.

And even though I would rather cut off my own head than to sit and have a private conversation with any of you idiots, I am very happy that you exist and continue to support Manka Bros. and our MC Comics imprint.

But, let me be clear, I do not want to talk about what happened in Show X, Episode Blah Blah of Season Blah. One reason is I probably don’t know the answers. Another reason is that I seriously don’t give a shit.

And if I hear one more question about when we’re going to make a “Captain Stoppo” movie, I will spray you with bug repellent and have your all-inclusive convention passes ripped to shreds.

All that said… let’s get started. Roll the TelePrompTer.

Ann VanderMeer, Ben Fritz, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bob Schreck, Charlaine Harris, Comic Con 2010, Comic-Con, Comic-Con is Dead, Dan Buckley, David Glanzer, Diane Nelson, Edgar Wright, Gary Berman, Geoff Boucher, Geoff Johns, Heidi McDonald, J. Michael Straczynski, Jack Kirby, Jeannie Schultz, Jeff Zucker, Jerry Beck, Jessica Alba, Jillian Tamaki, Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Evanier, MC Comics, Neal Adams, Paul Levitz, Richard Alf, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Shaw, Shel Dorf, Stan Freberg, Stan Lee, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Kring, Wrath of Con Award, Wrath of Khan Award, Zach Enterlin, Zak Penn, Zorianna KitWELCOME TO COMIC-CON 2010! That was quite an opening ceremony. I particularly love the annual Running Of The Freaks! So many costumes. So many potential heart attacks.

And how about that Parade of Batmans? Who knew there were so many Batmans over the years? Well done.

After my speech, I will illuminate the Ceremonial Lightsaber and Comic-Con will officially begin!

I am pleased to be joined on this stage by the Distinguished Legion of Magnificent Elders and the League of UltraTriumverants… (off-script) … whatever the fuck that means.

[Behind Mr. Manka, in folding chairs, are several people dressed as superheroes, sci-fi characters and elves.]

I am told the guy with the Chewbacca head over there has never missed a single day of the convention since Comic-Con started 40 years ago. I would imagine you’ve seen it all, huh, pal?

[Chewbacca nods his head several times.]

Ann VanderMeer, Ben Fritz, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bob Schreck, Charlaine Harris, Comic Con 2010, Comic-Con, Comic-Con is Dead, Dan Buckley, David Glanzer, Diane Nelson, Edgar Wright, Gary Berman, Geoff Boucher, Geoff Johns, Heidi McDonald, J. Michael Straczynski, Jack Kirby, Jeannie Schultz, Jeff Zucker, Jerry Beck, Jessica Alba, Jillian Tamaki, Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Evanier, MC Comics, Neal Adams, Paul Levitz, Richard Alf, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Shaw, Shel Dorf, Stan Freberg, Stan Lee, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Kring, Wrath of Con Award, Wrath of Khan Award, Zach Enterlin, Zak Penn, Zorianna KitThey are here to present me with the Wrath Of Con Award – though I’ve been told, in my honor, they have changed it to the Wrath of Khan Award!

[Silence – except for one high pitched laugh from the back of the crowd.]

Who the fuck said that joke would land? It’s pronounced the same fucking way. The joke is that the award is changed to Wrath of K-H-A-N – not C-O-N.

[There are some mild chuckles from the crowd and then a few sneezes and coughs.]

I don’t know if any of you can see the award – but it’s this stupid little Ricardo Montalban doll put on a trophy base. Pretty ridiculous. Maybe my dog would like to play with it.

[Stunned silence then a few ‘gasps’ and one very loud “FUCK YOU!”]

Moving on. Many in the press have said that Comic-Con is dead. That Hollywood has killed the goose that laid the golden egg. That’s ridiculous. First of all, the word “laid” should never be used in a room like this. Am I right? I mean, look at you.

[Several loud ‘boos’ and some wheezing.]

What the fuck, Ethan? Who’s the idiot that said that joke would work? Jesus Christ. I’m flying solo here! Get out of my sight!

[Ethan Rubidoux – President of Manka Bros. Consumer Products, Live Theater, Sports and Digital Distribution – ducks behind a stage pillar.]

OK, OK – calm down, you nudnicks!

Hey, loser with the PrompTer, get back to my speech. It’s rolling all over the fucking place. OK… good…

Seventy-five years ago, my father (the asshole Harry Manka) and uncles (Khan (Sr.) and Simeon) purchased the rights to a little known comic strip for thirty-five cents from a starving child artist on Hollywood Blvd. The kid wanted forty cents but my dad talked him down. That comic strip? “Captain Stoppo”

Ann VanderMeer, Ben Fritz, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bob Schreck, Charlaine Harris, Comic Con 2010, Comic-Con, Comic-Con is Dead, Dan Buckley, David Glanzer, Diane Nelson, Edgar Wright, Gary Berman, Geoff Boucher, Geoff Johns, Heidi McDonald, J. Michael Straczynski, Jack Kirby, Jeannie Schultz, Jeff Zucker, Jerry Beck, Jessica Alba, Jillian Tamaki, Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Evanier, MC Comics, Neal Adams, Paul Levitz, Richard Alf, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Shaw, Shel Dorf, Stan Freberg, Stan Lee, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Kring, Wrath of Con Award, Wrath of Khan Award, Zach Enterlin, Zak Penn, Zorianna Kit[Wild applause and some shouts.]

Who would have thought that dumb little cartoon would become the foundation of MC Comics – the World’s Largest Comic Book company. With iconic characters such as The Planet 4, Dumb Kirk, Sniper Ken, Fig Men, Hydrogen Bob and the Flamer, MC Comics has no real rival. I weep for Marvel and DC Comics and their pathetic little characters.

Believe me, if my life were in danger, I would trust The Liberal Spear to save my neck before suck ass Batman or Spider-man. Am I right?

[Some applause.  Some ‘boos’.]

Ann VanderMeer, Ben Fritz, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bob Schreck, Charlaine Harris, Comic Con 2010, Comic-Con, Comic-Con is Dead, Dan Buckley, David Glanzer, Diane Nelson, Edgar Wright, Gary Berman, Geoff Boucher, Geoff Johns, Heidi McDonald, J. Michael Straczynski, Jack Kirby, Jeannie Schultz, Jeff Zucker, Jerry Beck, Jessica Alba, Jillian Tamaki, Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Evanier, MC Comics, Neal Adams, Paul Levitz, Richard Alf, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Shaw, Shel Dorf, Stan Freberg, Stan Lee, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Kring, Wrath of Con Award, Wrath of Khan Award, Zach Enterlin, Zak Penn, Zorianna KitSo, I know I was supposed to speak for an hour – but I don’t really have any more prepared remarks.

But before I open it up for questions, I have a question for you: What can YOU do for ME? Well, if I may answer for you, you can watch my networks.

We have a bunch of geeky ass shit on our MBS network this fall.  I suppose the new “Forensics” season is worth watching.

We also have a weird, egghead-type sci-fi show “The Real Truth” slated for mid-season. I’m not sure what it will replace since most of our fall shows are horrible and will most likely be canceled.

From our Theatrical Group, The Planet 4 (Earth Shield 4X) is opening October 15. We have a presentation tomorrow at Qualcomm Stadium. The entire cast will be on hand and, I’m told… hang on, I have to read this… they will be arriving from Planet 4 via Flidrox c41?

Does that mean anything to you wastoids?

[Applause and shouts of approval from the crowd.]

Is that some kind of space ship? Goddamn, what do you think that cost?

Ann VanderMeer, Ben Fritz, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bob Schreck, Charlaine Harris, Comic Con 2010, Comic-Con, Comic-Con is Dead, Dan Buckley, David Glanzer, Diane Nelson, Edgar Wright, Gary Berman, Geoff Boucher, Geoff Johns, Heidi McDonald, J. Michael Straczynski, Jack Kirby, Jeannie Schultz, Jeff Zucker, Jerry Beck, Jessica Alba, Jillian Tamaki, Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Evanier, MC Comics, Neal Adams, Paul Levitz, Richard Alf, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Shaw, Shel Dorf, Stan Freberg, Stan Lee, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Kring, Wrath of Con Award, Wrath of Khan Award, Zach Enterlin, Zak Penn, Zorianna KitSo that’s it, I suppose.

Thanks for the Wrath of Con (Khan) Award. I will do my best to uphold the high standards of last year’s winner – Rupert Murdoch. I’m not sure if he actually won it, I really have no idea.

What time are cocktails? I believe Manka Bros. is having our party on some hotel rooftop. I’m happy to say none of you freaks are invited.

I’ll now open it up for questions…

OK, yeah, Batman there in the third row. Question?

Batman: Any plans for a “Captain Stoppo” movie?

Khan Manka, Jr.: I’m out of here! Fuck you all!

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Beverly Hills High School Commencement Address

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills High School, Bill Bradbury, Bob Iger, Chairman's Blog, Commencement Address, Harry Manka, Harvey Levin, Herb Hall, Jay Guidetti, Jeff Weiner, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeffrey Zucker, Joel Pressman, Josh Butchart, Keith Rust, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Peter Chernin, Romeo Carey, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The World's Largest Media Company, TMZ, World's Largest Media Company

About a week ago, I gave the Commencement Address at my old high school – Beverly Hills High.  I wasn’t going to mention this because it didn’t really go as I had planned – but since the assholes at TMZ posted excerpts without my permission, I thought I would put it up without editorial comment or HEAVY EDITING (which TMZ did in an attempt to make me look ridiculous).  Sorry shitbags, you lose.  I’m too powerful in this town to to ever be considered ridiculous.  So here is my speech in its entirety.

——————————————–

Beverly Hills High School Graduation Ceremony – June 18, 2010

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills High School, Bill Bradbury, Bob Iger, Chairman's Blog, Commencement Address, Harry Manka, Harvey Levin, Herb Hall, Jay Guidetti, Jeff Weiner, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeffrey Zucker, Joel Pressman, Josh Butchart, Keith Rust, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Peter Chernin, Romeo Carey, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The World's Largest Media Company, TMZ, World's Largest Media CompanyGood afternoon.

I got drunk this morning before coming here because when you are the Chairman & CEO of the World’s Largest Media Company, you can do shit like that.

[A huge cheer goes up from the crowd.]

You’ve all managed to do something that I didn’t even come close to doing – graduate high school.  And yet, I’m the only one here running a giant media company.  What the fuck is up with that?!

[Another huge cheer.]

I dropped out of this school because I wanted to spend more time smoking pot and working to make King Khan the best goddamned rock band in the world.  If my father, the horrible Harry Manka, wouldn’t have died (forcing me to take over as head of Manka Bros. Studios when I was 18 years old), we fucking would have been the best goddamned rock band in the world!

[There is a commotion as the Principal attempts to interrupt Mr. Manka.  The students boo the Principal and scream “Let him speak!”]

What the fuck…!  Don’t handle me, asshole!  I’ll shut this dream crusher of a school down!

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills High School, Bill Bradbury, Bob Iger, Chairman's Blog, Commencement Address, Harry Manka, Harvey Levin, Herb Hall, Jay Guidetti, Jeff Weiner, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeffrey Zucker, Joel Pressman, Josh Butchart, Keith Rust, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Peter Chernin, Romeo Carey, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The World's Largest Media Company, TMZ, World's Largest Media CompanyNow where was I?  Fuck it.  I’ll just wing it.  Uh, there’s only a handful of us powerful media moguls out there – even more if you count Bob Iger and Jeffrey Katzenberg!  I don’t count them – ha!  Just kidding – Bob Iger and I like to do jigsaw puzzles together.

The decisions us moguls make affect how the world spends its leisure time.  If I tell you to go see Super Draculas next month in 3D at an IMAX theater, you’ll go because we can control your fucking minds.  We control what makes you laugh and cry and scream and kill.  If you try to cross us, we will destroy your lives.

Most of you kids are rich punks much like I was back in the 1970s.  Once your parents die, you’ll be set.  But that won’t stop you because you all think you’re so fucking great.  You all think you’re entitled to everything without working for it.  Most of you will start companies that will fail but somehow, through your little cliques of rich buddies and bitches, you’ll keep getting money to fail and fail again.  And you won’t care if you fail because it’s all just a fucking game to you!

[The crowd has turned on Mr. Manka and many things are being thrown at the stage.  The Principal manages to grab Mr. Manka around the waist.]

Is that it?  Am I done?!  Fine!  I’ll see you all in Hell!

[Mr. Manka is escorted from the stage, flipping off the graduates and crowd with both hands.]
——————————————————————

You know what? Upon re-reading this transcript, I stand by my speech and think it’s totally brilliant.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Abu Dhabi Media Summit

Abu Dhabi Media Company, Abu Dhabi Media Summit 2010, Andrew Critchlow, Apple, Barry Meyer, Ben Silverman, City of Gold, Didier Lombard, Dirk Meyer, Dr. Kai-Fu-Lee, Dr. Prannoy Roy, Dr. Suk-Chae Lee, Edward Borgerding, Eric Schmidt, H.e. K.K. Al Mubarak, H.E. Mohamed Khalaf Al Mazrouei, H.E. Mohammed Omran, Hans Vestberg, Hartmut Ostrowski, James Murdoch, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Zucker, Jim Crane, Jon Miller, Karim Sabbagh, Khan Manka, Kishore Lulla, Manka Bros., Maurice Levy, Mehmet Ali Yalcindag, Mike Fairburn, Mohammed Omran, Nour Malas, Owen Van Natta, Prince Bin Talal, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Stefania Bianchi, Steve Ballmer, Steve Jobs, Sunil Bharti Mittal, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Armstrong, Tony Orsten

Abu Dhabi Media Company, Abu Dhabi Media Summit 2010, Andrew Critchlow, Apple, Barry Meyer, Ben Silverman, City of Gold, Didier Lombard, Dirk Meyer, Dr. Kai-Fu-Lee, Dr. Prannoy Roy, Dr. Suk-Chae Lee, Edward Borgerding, Eric Schmidt, H.e. K.K. Al Mubarak, H.E. Mohamed Khalaf Al Mazrouei, H.E. Mohammed Omran, Hans Vestberg, Hartmut Ostrowski, James Murdoch, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Zucker, Jim Crane, Jon Miller, Karim Sabbagh, Khan Manka, Kishore Lulla, Manka Bros., Maurice Levy, Mehmet Ali Yalcindag, Mike Fairburn, Mohammed Omran, Nour Malas, Owen Van Natta, Prince Bin Talal, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Stefania Bianchi, Steve Ballmer, Steve Jobs, Sunil Bharti Mittal, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Armstrong, Tony OrstenGood afternoon from Yas IslandAbu Dhabi U.A.E.

I am dictating this blog from a mud bath in the giant purple Yas Hotel Spa Resort.  Thanks to Stefania Bianchi and Nour Malas from the Wall Street Journal for taking this down and getting it to my office.  I apologize for the smell.

When the U.A.E. ruler and prime minister Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum called me over the weekend to see if I could come to speak at the Abu Dhabi Media Summit, I told him absolutely not.  I was preparing for another disastrous night at the Oscars (in which Manka Bros. was shut out yet again!) and did not want to travel 10,000 miles (or whatever) to speak about Manka Bros.’ future in the Middle East.

Abu Dhabi Media Company, Abu Dhabi Media Summit 2010, Andrew Critchlow, Apple, Barry Meyer, Ben Silverman, City of Gold, Didier Lombard, Dirk Meyer, Dr. Kai-Fu-Lee, Dr. Prannoy Roy, Dr. Suk-Chae Lee, Edward Borgerding, Eric Schmidt, H.e. K.K. Al Mubarak, H.E. Mohamed Khalaf Al Mazrouei, H.E. Mohammed Omran, Hans Vestberg, Hartmut Ostrowski, James Murdoch, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Zucker, Jim Crane, Jon Miller, Karim Sabbagh, Khan Manka, Kishore Lulla, Manka Bros., Maurice Levy, Mehmet Ali Yalcindag, Mike Fairburn, Mohammed Omran, Nour Malas, Owen Van Natta, Prince Bin Talal, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Stefania Bianchi, Steve Ballmer, Steve Jobs, Sunil Bharti Mittal, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Armstrong, Tony OrstenAs far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a future for Manka Bros. in the Middle East.  Construction of our Manka Fun Park in Yemen has gotten off to a horrible start due to various terrorist acts in and around the park site, so optimism about the future is not something I’m feeling right now.

But, in a stunning coincidence, as I was speaking to the Sheik, Rupert Murdoch called from his airport and asked if I wanted to hitch a ride to Abu Dhabi on his jet (The Roger Ailes 1).

It’s hard to turn down Rupert – so here I am. 

(Note:  To Ethan Rubidoux, we’re stopping through Yemen on the way back to check on Manka Fun Park Yemen’s progress.  Please triple my personal security and make sure Johnny Walker Blue is stocked in the mini-bar).

Abu Dhabi Media Company, Abu Dhabi Media Summit 2010, Andrew Critchlow, Apple, Barry Meyer, Ben Silverman, City of Gold, Didier Lombard, Dirk Meyer, Dr. Kai-Fu-Lee, Dr. Prannoy Roy, Dr. Suk-Chae Lee, Edward Borgerding, Eric Schmidt, H.e. K.K. Al Mubarak, H.E. Mohamed Khalaf Al Mazrouei, H.E. Mohammed Omran, Hans Vestberg, Hartmut Ostrowski, James Murdoch, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Zucker, Jim Crane, Jon Miller, Karim Sabbagh, Khan Manka, Kishore Lulla, Manka Bros., Maurice Levy, Mehmet Ali Yalcindag, Mike Fairburn, Mohammed Omran, Nour Malas, Owen Van Natta, Prince Bin Talal, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Stefania Bianchi, Steve Ballmer, Steve Jobs, Sunil Bharti Mittal, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Armstrong, Tony OrstenI will be speaking at the Abu Dhabi Media Conference tomorrow morning.  It will most likely be a variation on my recent speech to the Davos World Economic Forum.

Rupert spoke tonight.  He rambled on and on about freedom of the press in the Middle East (or some such bullshit).

Hey Rupert, from one freedom crusher to another – “Nice try.”  Think the Sheik buy will that crap from the owner of Fox News?

Rupert was supposed to meet me here at the spa after his speech but I haven’t seen him yet.  He has two hours blocked out for a chemical peel.

Abu Dhabi Media Company, Abu Dhabi Media Summit 2010, Andrew Critchlow, Apple, Barry Meyer, Ben Silverman, City of Gold, Didier Lombard, Dirk Meyer, Dr. Kai-Fu-Lee, Dr. Prannoy Roy, Dr. Suk-Chae Lee, Edward Borgerding, Eric Schmidt, H.e. K.K. Al Mubarak, H.E. Mohamed Khalaf Al Mazrouei, H.E. Mohammed Omran, Hans Vestberg, Hartmut Ostrowski, James Murdoch, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Zucker, Jim Crane, Jon Miller, Karim Sabbagh, Khan Manka, Kishore Lulla, Manka Bros., Maurice Levy, Mehmet Ali Yalcindag, Mike Fairburn, Mohammed Omran, Nour Malas, Owen Van Natta, Prince Bin Talal, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Stefania Bianchi, Steve Ballmer, Steve Jobs, Sunil Bharti Mittal, The World's Largest Media Company, Tim Armstrong, Tony OrstenLater tonight, I’m meeting Eric Schmidt at the Noodle Box here at the hotel.  He wanted to meet at the Wandering Camel Discoteque (something like that) but I had to take a pass.  My knee has been f-ed up ever since I took a tumble down Whistler while at the Vancouver Olympics.  Dancing until dawn is something I can’t really handle right now.

Eric wants Manka Bros. to go exclusive to the Google Android with our mobile content.  I’m going to tell him the only way we would agree to that would be if he changed his name to Steve Jobs and changed his company name to Apple.

He won’t respond well to that.  But I don’t respond well to others trying to push around The World’s Largest Media Company!

Here’s Rupert now (with Steve Ballmer – and three other guys carrying Steve’s stuff).

Wish me luck tomorrow.  I just pray they let me leave the country after I destroy their delusions of creating a “New Media Paradise” in the middle of this miserable desert.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Dinner With Harvey Weinstein

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

Last night, I received a somewhat desperate call from Harvey Weinstein. He said he wanted to take me out to dinner and discuss something that could be incredibly beneficial to both our companies.

I could tell this was going to be a disastrous meeting.

Since Harvey offered to pay, he chose a restaurant that he could afford – the Sizzler on Hollywood Blvd. He told me not worry about what it costs, that he was paying for “all I could eat.”

Sizzler salad bar, Harvey Weinstein, Khan Manka

We sat at his normal booth and the waitress, Maria, brought us some Texas ToastHarvey folded his piece and took a healthy double-bite.

“Let me get right to the point, Khan. I want to take Manka Bros. off your hands.Based on your Theatrical and TV slates, I can see you are struggling. All I would need is for you to spot me a $10 million dollar upfront payment. I’ll take it from there.”

I barely heard what he was saying because the Texas Toast was surprisingly excellent.

Khan, did you hear what I said? Maria, more fucking toast over here – chop chop!”

“You want me to pay you $10 million to take my company away from me. Ten fucking million for the world’s largest media company – which my father and uncles founded and built from the ground up a 100 years ago? Are you fucking nuts?”

Maria brought another basket of Texas Toast – our hands bumped reaching for it.

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

“Fuckin’ losers those guys, Khan. No offense. I’ll turn your goddamned dinosaur of a business into a cash cow in… oh, I don’t know… three weeks! I’ll fuckin’ get Tina Brown to run your books division. I’ll fuckin’ get Rob Zombie to do some kind of movie shit, asshole.Think about it.”

Harvey got up to go to the salad bar. “Do you want some cantaloupe?”

I nodded my head and made a call to Lloyd Grohl (Manka Bros. President and COO) to see if there was anything we could or should do for poor HarveyLloyd quickly told me to turn him down nicely and get out of the Sizzler as fast as I could – that my life was in danger!

Harvey returned and saw me clicking off the phone. “Who the fuck was that?”

“Nobody, Harvey. Look, I have to turn you down. Manka Bros. isn’t for sale and will never be for sale. Manka Bros. is a giant fucking media conglomerate. The biggest in the world. You don’t buy us – we buy you. And, from what I hear about your current financial situation, I don’t want to buy you.”

“OK, Khan. I understand.”

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

I paused, expecting one of his signature tirades. It didn’t come.  He was just staring at his Texas Toast.

“Harvey? You’re OK with that?”

“Yes, Khan… but, one night when you’re sleeping, I will enter your bedroom and skull fuck you to death.”

It was said in such a kind, light-hearted way, it almost seemed like a compliment.

Harvey took bite of a taco, the juice dribbling down his chin.

“Hey, Khan… you wanna buy some shoes?”

By the end of the night, I agreed to buy his shoes for $15.

I think I like poor Harvey better than rich Harvey.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company