Manka Bros. – Page 5

July 16, 2012July 16, 2012

Yahoo! Finally Does Something Right

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Carol Bartz, Roy Bostock, Patti Hart, Sue James, Vyomesh Joshi, David Kenny, Arthur Kern, Brad Smith, Gary Wilson, Jerry Yang, Blake Irving, Ross Levinsohn, Rose Tsou, Rich Riley, Tim Morse, Michael J. Callahan, David Dibble, David Filo, Dr. Prabhakar Roghavan, Jeff Russakow, Elisa Steele, David Windley, Scott Thompson

SCREAMING BUY!

YHOO is headed for $50/share.

Marissa Mayer is a perfect choice.

Great for Yahoo!

Great for Silicon Valley.

It’s a stunning move – completely shocking and unexpected.

If you’re worried about her pregnancy – then shame on you.

Her pregnancy makes me even more bullish on the stock.

Marissa is going to make this work and no one should question it (especially the loser stock holders who, for some reason, were holding Yahoo! stock before this announcement).

I, frankly, didn’t think the Yahoo! Board had the cojones to make such a choice.

Well done.

And next year, at Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference crap-fest for moguls, there will be a new Woman of Sun Valley (sorry Sheryl Sandberg).

And if, for whatever reason, things don’t work out (very small chance), Ms. Mayer can take comfort that like her predecessors Scott Thompson, Jerry Yang and Carol Bartz, Manka Bros. will offer her a job.

Good luck, Marissa (don’t read too many blog comments).

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

July 6, 2012October 17, 2012

YouTube’s Original Content Strategy Is Working

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, OnMedea, Jill Kennedy, YouTube Original Channels, Google, Larry Page, Eric E. Schmidt, Sergey Brin, Nikesh Arora, David Drummond, Patrick Pichette, Alan Eustace, Amit Singhal, Andy Rubin, Dennis Woodside, Jeff Huber, Kent Walker, Laszlo Bock, Rachel Whetstone, Salar Kamangar, Shona Brown, Sridhar Ramaswamy, Sundar Pichai, Susan Wojcicki, Urs Hoelzle, Vic Gundotra, L. John Doerr, Diane B. Greene, John L. Hennessy, Ann Mather, Paul S. Otellini, K. Ram Shriram, Shirley M. Tilghman, Hank Green, Kim Rosen, Alex Gibney, Gilbert Gottfried, Richard Belzer, Robert Kyncl, John Green, Felicia Day, Jennifer Garner, America Ferrera, Gotham Chopra, Deepak Chopra, Jon Avnet, Amy Poehler, Rainn Wilson, Jay-Z, Rodrigo Garcia, Virginia Madsen, Julia Stiles, ClevverStyle, Fawn, HelloStyle, Look TV, The Stylish, u look haute, my damn channel, the onion, danceon, ds2dio, american hipster, awesomeness, bammo, blackbox tv, geek & sundry, mymusic, the nerdish channel, cartoon hangover, yomyomf, young hollywood network

That’s a frightening headline for the Hollywood studios.

It wasn’t supposed to work.

It was an ill-planned experiment that was supposed to fail.

Seriously, who would watch that crap?

Well… give one point to Silicon Valley in the Great Content Wars of 2012.

(This doesn’t mean I’m giving any sort of credit to that jerk Paul Graham – who issued a war on Hollywood. Graham and Y Combinator, in my opinion, represent all that is bad in Silicon Valley.)

When YouTube announced last year that they would put up $100 million dollars to fund original content channels, no one in Hollywood gave it much notice.

What most people expected was something like Paul Rudd walking around, eating Doritos and throwing out non-sequitors.

Basically, that no one would give a shit or watch – and if they did, big companies certainly wouldn’t throw any advertising money at it.

“We’re saving our big dollars for high-quality, professional Hollywood content, goddamnit!” (Imagine them saying it with big cigars in their mouths for greater effect.)

Cut to one year later and there is something real going on at YouTube – and they are just getting started (see all the “Coming Soon” labels on the left graphic of the channels yet to launch).

Channels are launching with the buzz normally generated for broadcast TV or feature film premieres – and for a lot less money.

Here’s a snapshot of the numbers (July 4, 2012). These are significant numbers.

Granted, this new “premium” content on YouTube is NOTHING EVEN CLOSE to the quality of a major studio feature film or TV series. Everything about it screams “slapped together.”

So if that’s true, then why should Hollywood be scared?

Because the generation growing up with YouTube does not distinguish between NBC, ESPN, Hulu, iPhone Apps, etc.

Eyeballs can only look so many places at one time and Broadcast Networks are asking you to keep them locked for three hours at a time (and watch the ads).

That’s fine for my mom (and, frankly, fine for me, too – though my iPhone is in my hand while I watch) but not fine for my daughter.

No chance does she one day turn to me and say “You know what, mom? I’ve become a Broadcast Network junkie. Those shows are what I love to watch the most.”

And this is true all around the world.

The kids who are playing online games, watching videos and surfing around the various social networks are not suddenly going to watch Broadcast Networks when they turn 30.

“Now that I’m older and finished with my wandering gadgets, I’m ready to settle in my easy chair and watch quality programming and check out some of the interesting advertising that happens during those shows.”

Never going to happen.

And, of course, duh, the big media companies know this is never going to happen.

But here’s the kicker: Most who grew up with the Internet really don’t care about quality. If they did, Zynga would have never become popular and MP3s would have been shunned immediately for their lack of decent fidelity.

The youth of the world have been raised not to care about such things (of course, I realize there are exceptions).

A couple of years ago, I wrote a piece called “Broadcast Networks: On Death and Dying” and regardless of the few breakout hits that do exist on Broadcast (which results in big profits from International markets and off-net syndication), it’s really expensive content to produce and it’s just not a long-term strategy.

But don’t get me wrong – studios would be foolish to give up this extremely profitable business model while the market is still there. (“Two Broke Girls” just got $1.5 million an episode from TBS – who could give that up?!)

It’s a real conundrum.

Hollywood studios can’t abandon a dying business when it’s still so profitable. But they can’t plan for the future – because the future is the death of their current business model.

And attempting to replicate what YouTube is doing would be a downright embarrassment for studios used to creating such high-priced, high-quality content.

It would be quite a step down.

Next year is crucial for content business. Trends may become irreversible and the next ten years could become crystal clear.

It is possible that both worlds can exist and make a lot of money (one with super high margins, the other with less).

The ratings for this year’s crop of Broadcast fall premieres will be heavily scrutinized. (October 17 update: Ratings have started off terrible with all networks except NBC experiencing double-digit declines without much hope for improvement.)

New shows need to emerge more than they ever have in the history of television (no platitudes here, man). Syndication pipelines need to remain full with bidding wars from multiple channels and station groups.

If that happens, old media and the current way of operating survives for another five years or so.

If not, there’s only so many more spring upfronts that advertisers will show up for.

Next year, I guarantee, the YouTube upfront presentation will get as much press as CBS’ upfront – regardless of how many more stars CBS pulls onto the stage.

Why is that?

Because it’s new. It’s exciting. And new and exciting always wins.

And, remember, this is a reality TV world (created by Hollywood) where everyone can be a star.

And now those stars don’t need Hollywood anymore.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

July 2, 2012July 4, 2012

The End of Scientology

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, David Miscavige, Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise, Anne Archer, Paul Haggis, Dianetics, Jill Kennedy, OnMedea

Like Ragnarok, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and The Sopranos – all things (good and bad) must end.

And that end has come for the Church of Scientology.

It was an experiment that just didn’t work.

For Tom Cruise, it’s another high-profile bomb – like “Rock Of Ages” and “Knight and Day.”

So… it’s time for all the vacant eyed, lost soul, followers of Scientology to leave the fields, re-enter society, and a have a few beers. Reality is waiting – time to get on with it.

The final nail in the coffin for Scientology is, of course, the TomKat divorce.

Finally, the “Church” has a scandal it cannot hide from or cover up – and an entire organizational collapse is imminent (and what an organization it is – see left).

To compare it to something in the media (this is a media blog after all), the TomKatSu divorce scandal is to Scientology what digital is to the newspaper industry. This scandal has effectively put an end to Scientology “subscriber growth” and it will not recover.

Its “best days” are behind it – and the end is near. Seriously, what movie star or powerful media figure would join Scientology now?

No amount of pressure by Thetan thugs or house visits to Katie by Anne Archer will get Scientology out of this mess.

It’s over.

[For full, unbelievably well-researched accounts of what happens behind the guarded walls at Scientology – please read this piece in the New Yorker and this piece in Rolling Stone.]

America and the world are completely on Katie’s side and anything other than full capitulation by Tom Cruise and Scientology will only make matters worse.

Words like ‘creepy,’ ‘evil,’ ‘cult,’ freaky,’ ‘fucking bizarre,’ ‘brainwashed,’ and just plain ‘disturbing’ are often used when people comment about Scientology.

But somehow, nothing much was done about it – probably because most people just think it’s a place where out of work actors go to detox and secure five and under guest shots on shows like “Dharma & Greg.”

Lots of allegations – but no real criminal charges have stuck against the “Church” other than random financial issues (taxes, etc.).

But now there is a very high-profile little face in the middle of it – little Suri Cruise – and the people of the world will not allow this “Church” to overtake her developing brain. [To see photos of Suri – you can Google her name. It felt wrong to put a photo of her in this blog.]

Either Scientology leaves them alone to live a somewhat normal life – or they commit organizational suicide by trying to force this little girl into the SeaOrg re-education school for high level Scientologists (or some other work farm type education).

Tom Cruise and, to a lesser extent, John Travolta (power is based on box office grosses) are the faces of Scientology. And the faces of Scientology look pretty shitty right now.

Leave Suri alone, cut the creepy secret cult shit that makes so many people afraid of you, and do the right thing for your members – let them go. Stop ruining lives.

Perhaps there are some decent life lessons to be learned from the writings of L. Ron Hubbard (i.e., “The fastest way to make a fortune is to invent a religion”…), but those lessons will never reach a mass audience as long as the perception of Scientology is that of a cult of zombies eating the brains of the young.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

May 3, 2012May 3, 2012

Is Hollywood Funding Chinese Propaganda?

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Hollywood is so desperate to grow their businesses in China they would almost do anything.

Look the other way while the Chinese government continues to abuse the basic human rights of its citizens? Check.

Alter the content or severely edit a movie in order to pass Chinese censors? Check. (Reminder – theater owners in Utah often want to edit the content of a movie and movie studios tell them to go F themselves.)

There are even allegations (but we know it’s true) that Hollywood pays bribes to Chinese officials in return for preferential treatment when it comes to filming in China and getting their films into China.

Is 1.3 billion people and their growing disposable income really that important to major media companies around the world?

Unfortunately, yes. And it has always been this way.

Hollywood didn’t even criticize China after the Tiananmen Square massacre in which thousands of innocent protesters were mowed down by PLA tanks and guns.

That was 23 years ago and they’re still trying to crack that horribly corrupt market. (At right: Imagine the lone protester symbolizes Hollywood – the tanks are China.)

Reality check: It’s never going to happen in the way that you would like, Hollywood.

China can sign whatever contracts you want signed – but, in the end, they will not honor them and you will leave, beaten, with your tails between your legs.

Chinese officials know this and are laughing at you as you put so much pride and resources on the line time after time.

Now there is a new disturbing trend that has popped up recently. The co-funding of Chinese local language films by U.S. companies.

Does this mean, as all Chinese-made films and scripts must be approved by the Chinese Central government, that Hollywood is funding Chinese propaganda?

Of course. This is truly an amazing, laughable coup by China.

I can just imagine some of the conversations with producers about story ideas:

New film about Chairman Mao and his glorious early days on The Long March? (Hollywood: “No problem. We’ll fund half of that if you let us shoot our next superhero blockbuster in the middle of Shanghai.”)

New film about how The Great Proletariat Cultural Revolution was actually a tremendous success? (Hollywood: “Um… weren’t millions killed or persecuted? Wasn’t that a horrific–“) China: “Do you want to shoot on the Great Wall or not?” (Hollywood: “Uh… OK, I guess a few revisions to your script are fine by us but legal would like our logo taken off the finished product.”) China: Deal – can we get that check now?

Granted, it’s not quite that simplistic – but it’s not that far off either.

I worry that Hollywood is getting taken advantage of by their dumber and less savvy “partners” across the Pacific.

It’s similar to the way Silicon Valley is attempting to undermine Hollywood by just grabbing whatever high-end premium content they need (without much payment) to make their devices cooler.

The bottom line is this: Let’s take human rights and actual motives involved out of the equation and look at it from a purely business standpoint. No matter what percentages are negotiated and no matter how many movies Hollywood gets into China – China is not going to pay what they owe and contracts mean nothing.

But, in the end, it’s 1.3 billion people with growing disposable income. And an attempt must be made, I suppose. In theory, there is A LOT of money there.

So… here’s how it plays out… China is going to build the world’s largest film industry off of the creative and technical knowledge of Hollywood and then… they’re going to send Hollywood home… without a check.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

April 3, 2012April 3, 2012

Lauren Conrad: The Fame Game

OK – let’s say you’re 30 years old.

Let’s say the average American reads three books a year (outside the U.S. the average may be a bit higher).

Let’s say you have a good fifty years of reading before you die.

That’s 150 books.

[Fun fact: The average American will watch 72,800 hours of television in that same time period.]

Is “The Fame Game” by Lauren fucking Conrad going to be one of those 150 books?

Let’s assume you’ve already “Crime and Punishment,” “Pride & Prejudice,” and the complete works of William Shakespeare and don’t know what to read next and you’re at the check-out counter at Ralph’s and there’s Lauren Conrad smiling at you naked from Glamour magazine asking you to read her book.

Resist!

You’ve still got over 129 million books to choose from – do a little exploring!

Are you seriously going to read “The Fame Game” when there are a couple of Hemingways, Brontes and Woolfs you haven’t gotten to?

It’s time to up your “Summer Read” game and resist the temptation of shitty celebrity writing!

“A Prayer For Owen Meany” is a fairly awesome book.

Read that one instead.

Or any one of these: 1,000 Novels Everyone Must Read.

And if you simply can’t stay away from the trashy celebrity novel – go for Jackie Collins (I can’t believe I wrote that) and leave Lauren Conrad in her reality show world where she belongs.

I warn you, if “The Fame Game” is a best seller, Audrina is going to write a book next.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – If you’re one of the crazy reading freaks who are able to consume a couple of books a week, disregard the above and enjoy “The Fame Game” – it may clean your palate for loftier fare.

March 28, 2012March 28, 2012

Frank McCourt: An A Hole Gets $2 Billion

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, OnMedea, Jill Kennedy, Frank McCourt, Jamie McCourt, Magic Johnson, Los Angeles Dodgers,

Now that the scumbag Frank McCourt has, apparently, sold the team for $2 billion to a group which includes Magic Johnson as the face of the venture, I can now root for my beloved Dodgers again.

This does make me happy as opening day approaches.

Last year, I couldn’t get excited about the team because of the scumbag Frank McCourt.

But do you know what sucks? What sucks is that the scumbag Frank McCourt gets $2 fucking billion dollars!

This is a man that destroyed our beloved Dodgers by using the team as an ATM machine to live a billionaire’s lifestyle on a millionaire’s budget. And now he gets to be a billionaire for real! IT’S CRAZY!

This bastard took a team that had about $50 million in cash to a team with $550+ million in debt in a little over 7 years.

This is a true scumbag and now he’s got $2 billion.

Fine. We’ll just have to file it in the “life isn’t fair” folder and move on, right?

Wrong.

We can’t.

We’re still stuck with this asshole because, for some reason, he will still own the parking lot that we need to use in order to see our beloved Dodgers!

Why don’t assholes just leave when they’re suppose to so that we can all just return to a somewhat normal life?

This guy should have been publicly humiliated. This guy should have been run out of town on a rail.

TAKE YOUR $2 BILLION AND LEAVE… SCUMBAG!

But, no, we’ll have to accept whatever bullshit he does with that parking lot. $50 parking? F you, pay me.

This guy will probably end up building some sort of CityWalk type entertainment area around the stadium and make more money (on top of the $2 billion) than the Magic Johnson group could ever dream of making.

I’ll still support my beloved Dodgers this year but I’ll need to find a way to avoid the scumbag Frank McCourt parking lot to do it.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

March 1, 2012March 1, 2012

Andrew Breitbart – Dead And Already Forgotten

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Andrew Breitbart died just after midnight last night.

He was 43 years old.

I offer my deepest condolences to his family and friends. A sudden death like this is incredibly tragic.

Yes, he was an asshole (at least in my mind) and a much hated Right Wing Conservative political bomb thrower. He rarely cared who he verbally stepped on, attacked or ruined.

To be fair, he was also much loved (I suppose) by the Far Right.

But politics is not the point here.

The point is – the man died last night.

The media has already flashed the “Breaking News” alert, flooded social media, analyzed his impact on society, put forward ideas on who will replace him on the bomb throwing Right, etc.

The man has been dead for less than 9 hours!

It immediately reminded me of CNN’s 9/11 coverage. I distinctly remember Jeff Greenfield standing on CNN’s roof with the World Trade Center still standing far in the background with smoke pouring out after the planes hit (and minutes before the collapse) and he’s basically summing up what it will all mean historically and what can we learn from this tragedy.

News coverage today is a complete joke and further proof that the world’s attention span is completely shot. With one final TWEET, Andrew was gone – forever.

What kind of a world are we living in when Davy Jones’ death (yesterday) is old news?

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

February 13, 2012February 22, 2012

Because of Sean Hannity, Republicans May Never Win Again

And that’s fine with me.

In 2010, when the Tea Party won quite a few House seats and a couple of Senate seats , many people were wrongly tricked into believing that a serious political movement had begun and a rise of the Far Right was imminent.

(Frankly, I believe these were ‘protest candidate’ candidates that were elected mostly because the country was at the height of the Great Recession and there was a lot of misery and demand for change out there.)

Well, the call for change is coming to an end, the country is on the mend and the Republicans that want to keep their jobs are drifting back to the center.

And if they don’t drift to the center they will, most likely, be voted out of office because the wacko Right is no longer a viable alternative.

And, I believe, much of this rejection of change is because of a Sean Hannity EPIC FAIL.

It turns out, the majority of Americans do not want to live in Sean Hannity’s world.

His is a world of constant conflict for the sake of ratings. A world of hammering a message over and over and over again turning his audience into something similar to school children in North Korea.

And it’s a message that never wavers: “Anyone but Obama…” (The Republican pundit establishment has apparently changed that slightly – “Anyone but Obama or Romney…”)

Well, because of this message – and the millions who follow Mr. Hannity – the Republicans may well be stuck with Rick ‘The Stick’ Santorum (just as they nearly got stuck with Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry).

I can now confirm, with 0% of the vote counted, Rick Santorum has LOST the 2012 general election to President Obama.

There is no question Santorum has already lost without one vote being counted. Bob Dole’s loss to Bill Clinton in 1996 will be considered a close race compared to an Obama vs. Santorum election.

Santorum will, most likely, get the lowest number of female votes in the history of Presidential elections (unless you count the Presidential races in which women did not have the right to vote).

However, Santorum will, most likely, win the Fascist vote as he is the candidate with the most images on the internet with a Hitler mustache Photoshopped onto his face.

Now, what’s crazy about all this is I firmly believe Sean Hannity, deep down, doesn’t care how people live their lives. I firmly believe that if the ratings dictated a different point of view, Mr. Hannity would shift on a dime to the Left and still claim that his moral compass has never wavered.

He would refute this claim vehemently. And, to be fair, he has never had to face that problem because there are millions of Americans that he has focused on that love the bomb throwing, the red meat and any other political metaphor you can think of.

But because of this extremism and, yes, short-sighted view of the world, Sean Hannity is costing his political party the chance to win against a vulnerable incumbent.

It is obvious we are living in a crazy time when Ann Coulter is the voice of reason at CPAC. Say what you want about her, she is not a stupid person. She knows there is only one candidate that has a slight chance against President Obama and that is Mitt Romney.

Why the Republican establishment hasn’t thrown everything behind Mitt is beyond me. Perhaps it’s because there is also a feeling Mitt Romney cannot win either. (I am one of those people.)

But he’s really the only choice there is to even get close to the lofty John McCain numbers of 2008.

Of course, Sean Hannity (and Rush and all the others) could swing things by full on endorsing Mr. Romney. But if he did, he would lose half his audience and his street cred as a bomb throwing ‘lover of freedom’ (though most people would consider ‘love’ and ‘freedom’ two things that are lacking in his political philosophy).

Mr. Hannity really doesn’t care who is President. It is probably more fun for him to criticize President Obama than it was to defend President Bush. And it certainly won’t be fun for him to have to defend President Santorum (who, remember, has 0% chance to win).

Like I said – it’s completely fine with me. The implosion of the Grand Old Party is actually quite amusing.

God speed, Sean Hannity – you are President Obama’s best friend these days.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

January 27, 2012May 15, 2012

Facebook And The Disappearing Valuation (A Fairy Tale)

1000Memories, Accel Partners, Amish Jani, Andrew Hyde, Andrew Mason, Andy Sack, Ashton Kutcher, Aydin Senkut, Ben Silverman, Bin 38, Bob Davis, Bob Iger, Brad Feld, Brian Kempner, Chris Hughes, Christopher Steiner, Dan Nova, Daniel Gaisin, Danielle Hootnick, Dave McClure, David Brown, David Cohen, David Kirkpatrick, Demi Moore, Demo Day, Diego Gutierrez, Dustin Moskovitz, Edmond Yue, Eduardo Saverin, Emmett Shear, Eric Lefkofsky, Fergal Mullen, FirstMark Capital, Founders At Work, Francis Duong, Gaurav Tewari, Gerald Levin, Gerald Poch, Greg McAdoo, Greylock Partners, Harjeet Taggar, HBO, Highland Capital Partners, Irena Goldenberg, Jared Polis, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jessica Livingston, Jessica Mah, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, John Hsin, John Palfrey, Jon Miller, Jr., Justin Kan, Justin.tv, Khan Manka, Larry Wilson, Laurence Albukerk, Lawrence Lenihan, Li Ka-shing, Loopt, Manish Patel, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, Matt Nichols, Michael Arrington, Michael Gaiss, MySpace, Nick Marsh, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Paul Cianciolo, Paul Graham, Peter Bell, Peter Thiel, Reddit, Richard de Silva, Richard Heitzman, Rick Heitzmann, Robert Morris, Ron Conway, Rudy Adler, Rupert Murdoch, Sand Hill Road, Scott Shane, Scott Switzer, Sequoia Capital, Sergey Nazarov, Shabbir Dahod, Shawn Broderick, Sheryl Sandberg, Sterling Phillips, Sumner Redstone, Tapzilla, TechCrunch, TechStars, TextPayMe, Toy Story 3, Trevor Blackwell, Y Combinator, google, Eric Schmidt, Tina Brown, The Daily Beast, Barry Diller, Dan Lyons, Google Smear campaign, Burson-Marsteller, Chris Soghoian, Jim Goldman, John Mercurio, Mark Pincus, Zynga, Spotify

Once upon a time, in the tiny hamlet of Menlo Park, California, there was a company called Facebook.

This company was unlike any other (sorry, make that ‘like MANY others’) in that it connected people from around world through a magical and glorious technical achievement called the Internet.

Everyone loved Facebook:

“Oh my God, it is so easy to upload pictures of my baby!”

“I can’t believe I found all my old high school and college friends so easily!”

“Hey everyone, I’m off to get a coffee – can’t start my day without coffee!”

People from around the world chatted, and shared, and reconnected. There was something really exciting going on in the tiny hamlet of Menlo Park.

But then, one day, because Facebook was growing so so so very large – and its bills were growing so so so much – it needed to somehow make money.

Facebook was so kind that they didn’t want to charge people for the privilege of using its service – so it added advertising. Advertising so tiny that the people of the world didn’t even noticed the ads were there.

“There are ads on Facebook? You know, I’ve never seen one – and I certainly have never clicked on one! Good for them.”

Perhaps Mean Old Mr. Advertiser started to realize that no one was clicking or even noticing his ads.

But little Facebook still needed to get paid – I mean, even a whore has to eat – so they decided to work something out with Mean Old Mr. Advertiser.

Maybe they could somehow leverage their size and sell the personal information of their 900 million users. Would that keep Mean Old Mr. Advertiser off their backs so they could resume their happy life of connecting the world and bringing nothing but joy?

Facebook was so kind to its users that they even added a “Like” button (because “Like” is much nicer than “Dislike” and Coca-Cola doesn’t want to see how many people “Dislike” Coke Zero).

It was so simple, users could either “Like” something or choose not to hit the “Like” button. It was up to the user.

That worked for awhile until the users of the world started to realize what was happening. Many users got angry and felt their privacy was being invaded.

About 15 people actually quit Facebook (while another 100 million signed up).

After a few months, things calmed in the tiny hamlet of Menlo Park and the people on Facebook – to a lesser degree – felt fairly happy again.

But then, one day, Facebook decided that the users of the world needed to share every bit of information about their lives – from birth to even death – and put it all into a very conforming and dizzying glop of data called Timeline.

Mean Old Mr. Advertiser LOVED the idea of Timeline.

Finally, Facebook was thinking like him. Now they got the idea. Mean Old Mr. Advertiser could scour the lives of the people of the world and target them with goods and services that they may or may not enjoy.

And somehow, in just a brief eight years of existence – little Facebook grew and grew and grew and became worth $100 BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS! Oh, goodness, pardon me. (An IPO last year would been insane! What a missed opportunity!… but I digress.)

Well, from here the story gets a little tragic.

The beaten down people of the world and users of Facebook grew so exhausted from the daily overhauls of the site (which were necessary to maximize revenue) that they actually stopped spending time on Facebook – instead reading real books to their children and enjoying the outside world.

Comments started to appear on other websites (yes, there are actually other websites) saying they hate Facebook, are never going back and are quitting.

Poor little Facebook. They just wanted to HELP the world – not FUCK OVER the world.

How could a crappy redesign and a selling of their soul piss people off so much?

It’s just a website after all (one that is on its way to becoming WORTHLESS and must be STOPPED for the good of the world!… one more digression).

I mean, why do the people of the world care so much?

Well, we all know how the story ends.

Disgruntled engineers (and let’s assume an MBA or two) who helped create the chaos from the direction of Uncle Mark and Aunt Sheryl, began grumbling about their need to become millionaires and billionaires like so many of their friends.

The only way to stop them from leaving the tiny hamlet of Menlo Park – and going to, oh, say, the dangerous crack alleys of Mountain View and Cupertino to seek their fortune – was to take the company public.

By selling $5 or $10 billion dollars in stock to the ‘public’ (at a BULLSHIT valuation of $100 billion!) everyone could become rich and (yes) happy.

So at least the employees of Facebook will now be happy. The people of the world, who are seriously beginning to hate Facebook and are either leaving or staying away in droves, are less and less happy every day.

But Mean Old Mr. Facebook couldn’t care less – the users can go fuck themselves.

“Just put your freakin’ family photos in the template we have provided, “Like” the new Coke Zero, play the stupid Zynga games, pay for a movie rental, pay for a music subscription, and keep your stupid mouth shut. We’re not getting to a trillion dollar valuation from pictures of your goddamned baby!”

Mean Old Mr. Facebook is right. The User is wrong.

The moral of the story: Don’t screw your users. They’re the ones that built you up and they’re the ones that will bring you down.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

January 19, 2012January 19, 2012

American Idol – Dead Show Walking

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Teleblog With Vidar, Vidar, Norse God of Silence, American Idol, Bruce Gowers, Ken Warwick, Gregg Gelfand, John Pritchett, Nigel Lythgoe, Shane Drake, Simon Fuller, Ryan Seacrest, Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi, Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, Ellen DeGeneres, Taylor Hicks, Elliott Yamin, Jordin Sparks, David Cook, Fantasia Barrino, Crystal Bowersox, Katharine McPhee, Blake Lewis, Lee DeWyze, Chris Daughtry, David Archuleta, Adam Lambert, Casey James, Kellie Pickler, Michael Lynche, Vonzell Solomon, Melinda Doolittle, Kimberly Locke, Syesha Mercado, Danny Gokey, Aaron Kelly, Kris Allen, Ruben Studdard, Paris Bennett, Diana DeGarmo, Lakisha Jones, Brooke White, jason Castro, Matt Giraud, Jimmy Iovine, Jasmine Trias, Chris Richardson, Phil Stacey, Carly Smithson, Siobhan Magnus, Haley Reinhart, Kelly Clarkson, Lauren Alaina, Scotty McCreery, Justin Guarini, Ace Young, La Toya London, George Huff, Allison Iraheta, Anoop Desai, Katie Stevens, Brian Dunkleman, John Stevens, Sanjaya Malakar, Tim Urban, James Durbin, Anwar Robinson, Kristy Lee Cook, Lil Rounds, Andrew Garcia, Bucky Covington, Clay Aiken, Jennifer Hudson, Nadia Turner, Casey Abrams, Tamyra Gray, Mandisa Hundley, Haley Scarnato, Michael Johns, Jacob Lusk, Nikki McKibbin, Lisa Tucker, Nikko Smith, Ramiele Malubay, Scott MacIntyre, Gina Glocksen, Didi Benami, Stefano Langone, Paul McDonald, Carrie Underwood, Jon Peter Lewis, Mikalah Gordon, Jessica Sierra, Kevin Covais, Chris Sligh, Chikezie Eze, Megan Joy, Christina Christian, Lindsey Cardinale, Michael Sarver, Pia Toscano, R.J. Helton, Amanda Overmyer, Lacey Brown, Paige Miles, Naima Adedapo, Melissa McGhee, Matthew Rogers, Amy Adams, Camile Velasco, Stephanie Edwards, Tatiana Nicole Del Toro, Jasmine Murray, Thia Megia, Joshua Gracin, Will makar, Brandon Rogers, David Hernandez, A.J. Gil, Ayla Brown, Gedeon McKinney, Alexis Grace, Jorge Nunez, Todrick Hall, Ryan Starr, Bo Bice, Trenyce, Amanda Avila, Kinnik Sky, Jared Cotter, Sundance Head, Katelyn Epperly, Leah LaBelle, Heather Cox, David Radford, Alaina Alexander, Antonella Barba, Kady Malloy, Luke Menard, Nick Mitchell, Alex Lambert, Lilly Scott, Haeley Vaughn, Karen Rodrigguez, Jim Verraros, EJay Day, Matthew Metzger, Constantine Maroulis, Brenna Gethers, Jose Penala, Leslie Hunt, Sabrina Sloan, AJ Tabaldo, Asia'h Epperson, Danny Noriega, Ann Marie Boskovich, John Park, Jermaine Sellers, Ashthon Jones, Elizabeth Letendre, Lisa Leuschner, Marque Lynch, Tiara Purifoy, Susie Vulaca, Katie Webber, Eric Yoder, Edward Boddington, Janay Castine, Travis Tucker, Mario Vazquez, Patrick Hall, Becky O'Donohue, Rickey Minor, Nicholas Pedro, Matt Breitzke, Jesse Langseth, Nathaniel Marshall, Jackie Tohn, Michelle Delamor, Jannell Wheeler, Mark Thompson, Kimberly Caldwell, Clive Davis, Carmen Rasmusen, Rickey Smith, Anthony Fedorov, Scott Savol, Alexis Lopez, Ryan Nikole Parker, Bobby Bennett, Stevie Scott, Stacy Ferguson, Miley Cyrus, Junot Joyner, Robbie Carrico, Alexandrea Lushington, Alaina Whitaker, Jason Yeager, Casey Carlson, Stephen Fowler, Kai Kalama, Kristen McNamara, Joanna Pacitti, Jamar Rogers, Von Smith, Alexander Wagner-Trugman, Tyler Grady, Ashley Rodriguez, Jessica Cunningham, Gwen Stefani, Katy Perry, Julia DeMato, Olivia Newton-John, Barry Manilow, Corey Clark, Alexandra Bachelier, Adriel Herrera, Jamar, Tenia Taylor, Smokey Robinson, Marisa Joy, Charly Lowry, Kara Master, Jonah Moananu, Heather Piccinini, John Preator, Briana Ramirez-Rial, Jesus Roman, Noel Roman, Ashley Thomas, Erskine Walcott, Lisa Wilson, Antonio Wheeler, David Brown, Aloha Mischeaux, Joseph Murena, Celena Rae, Annie Lennox, Ben Stiller, Teri Hatcher, Rudy Cardenas, Amanda Coluccio, Paul Kim, Amy Krebs, Nicole Tranquillo, Amy Jean Davis, Arianna Afsar, Felicia Barton, Kendall Beard, Ricky Braddy, Katrina Darrell, Misha Henson, Brent Keith, Taylor Vaifanua, Stevie Wright, Victoria Beckham, Barry Gibb, Tony Bennett, Neil Patrick Harris, Joe Jones, Shania Twain, Mary J Blige, Will Young, Jules Sanchez, Christopher Aaron, Kelli Glover, Angela Peel, Quentin Tarantino, Gladys Knight, Ashley Hartman, William Hung, Donna Summer, Nigel Lythgoe, Guy Sebastian, Nicole Tieri, Ben Hausbach, Rachel Zevita, Joely Fisher, Bono, Maroon 5, Camryn Manheim, Jennette McCurdy, Daughtry, Renaldo Lapuz, Alexis Cohen, Colton David Berry, Joanne Borgella, Mariah Carey, Garrett Haley, Natashia Williams, Jamie Foxx, Jessica Furney, Alicia Keys, Slash, Will i Am, Rose Flack, David Osmond, Jeanine Vailes, Joe Munoz, Kimberly Kerbow, Jovany Barreto, Jordan Dorsey, Clint Jun Gamboa, Erika Schiff, Kristin Chenoweth, Jon Bon Jovi, Martina McBride, Peter Noone, Lulu, Avril Lavigne, Jewel Kilcher, Gene Simmons, Rod Stewart, Stevie Wonder, Carole Bayer Sager, Michael Buble, Shakira, David Foster, Ray Romano, Chris Bandano, Natalie Burge, Khaleef Chiles, Rodesia Eaves, Brad Estrin, Kristin Holt, Jazmin Lowery, Emmy Robbin, Tanesha Ross, Melanie Sanders, Mark Scott, Gil Sinuet, Justinn Waddell, Robin Gibb, Lionel Richie, Diane Warren, Paul Anka, Neil Sedaka, J.D. Adams, Rebecca Bond, Samantha Cohen, Equoia Coleman, Frenchie Davis, Meosha Denton, Patrick Forton, Jennifer Fuentes, Louis Gazzara, Charles Grigsby, Hadas, Kimberly Kelsey, Vanessa Olivarez, Bettis Richardson, Jack John Smalley, George Trice, Elton John, Gloria Estefan, Jae Tracie, Judd Harris, Melinda LIra, Sarah Mather, Jared Yates, Antonio Banderas, Jeff Beck, Anthony Fitzgerald, jack Black, Michael Chiklis, Celine Dion, Eric McCormack, Phil Bredesen, Dan Castellaneta, Jarrod Fowler, Denise Jackson, Rachel Jenkins, Sarah Krueger, Perla Meneses, Matt Sato, Jim Carrey, Dane Cook, Rascal Flatts, Sons of Sylvia, Janice Dickinson, Paul Stanley, Kobe Bryant, James Denton, Neil Diamond, Snoop Dogg, Fawn, Jimmy Kimmel, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dolly Parton, Brad Pitt, Ashley Tisdale, Forest Whitaker, Robin Williams, Apl de ap, Lady Gaga, Queen Latifah, Taboo, Frankie Jordan, March Raducci, Randy Travis, Julissa Veloz, Leneshe Young, Rihanna, Josh Sussman, Justin Bieber, Harry Connick Jr, Amanda DeSimone, Bernadette DeSimone, Amedea DiRocco, Cornelius Edwards, Justin Gaston, Orianthi, Larry Platt, Mary Powers, Erica Rhodes, Charity Vance, Vanessa Wolfe, Marc Anthony, kendra Chantelle, Tim Halperin, Brett Loewenstern, Robbie Rosen, Lauren Turner, Stephen Werner, Tatynisa Wilson, Julie Zorrilla, Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Ken Warwick, Patrick Lynn, Megan Michaels, Nigel Lythgoe, Katie Fennelly, Ron De Shay, Charles Boyd, Norm Betts, Brian Robinson, Simon Jones, Theo Dimitrious, Simon Lythgoe, Melanie Oberman, David Goffin, Jessica Kelly Toby Gorman, Sam Brenzel, Beth McNamara, Camilla Rahaman, Steven Schillaci, James Breen, Mike Yurchuk, Sarah Kane, Rebecca Dobkowitz, Kathleen Sheets, Clay Wolflick, Tom Brunell, Esther Frank, Jill Schwartz, Robert Gustafson, Charles Boyd, Cambrietta Frierson, Beth Van Dyke, Jerry D'Alessandro, Priya Balachandran, Matthew Watkins, Nikki Boella, Jennifer Bresnan, Billy Cooper, Brian Gadinsky, Mona Grenier, Tarvenia Jones, Andy Meyer, Tim Roddy, Hope Wilson, Jessica Jones, John Eritz, Aaron Weiner, James Wright, Chris Wagner, Tisha Fein, Nisa Ahmad, Suzie Weis, Dan Sacks, Nicola Gaha, Brent Wilson, Mark Gamsey, Jensen Oliver Moon, Ben Dolenc, Matt Cavanagh, Adam Cooper, Jonathan Hay, Ben Idorn, Pam Niedzwiadek, Nicole Slamer, Stephanie Lydecker, Marc Ambrose, John Bard Manulis, Colby Cote, Cam Frierson, Dean landon, Shawn Clement, Jack Elliot, Matt Vowles, Wes Hambright, Jeremy Sweet, Sean Peden, Jack Messitt, David Rutherford, Narumi Inatsugu, Andy Walmsley, James Yarnell, Steve Bass, Craig Gooder, Wylleen May, Alessandro Fadin, Christine Klages Staley, Chris Wagner, Michelle Baker, Mike Hofferth, Tyson Janisch, Reilly Oliver, Paul Cozzi, Barry Ward, Justin Healy, susana Santiago, Michelle LeTarte, Paula Frank, Melissa Wong, Michael Briggs, Brian Farguharson, Timothy Hamilton, Jenny Stanley, Tina Cannizzaro DeBone, Vicki Ariamal-Preto, Gregg Galfand, Tent Girl, Amy Brumfield, Phillip Phillips, David Leathers

I actually watched last night’s “American Idol” Season 11 premiere.

Yes, I’m the one.

Just kidding. There were actually quite a few people who watched last night. But 23% fewer than watched last year.

This show is dead.

It may limp along and have an occasional really good ratings night – but it’s all over. We all know it.

A couple of years ago, I said the show was dead as soon as Simon Cowell announced he was leaving.

I suppose I was wrong only because the show did continue – and actually had some nice moments last year – but creatively it was dead.

Last night, it was painful to watch Randy Jackson try to be the “tough” Simon-type judge. He just doesn’t have the verbal chops to pull it off.

“It was awful.” “That was really bad, dude.” “Just terrible.”

And you could see him trying to be the one with authority because Jennifer Lopez is too nice (but seems to be the only one trying to be constructive) and Steven Tyler too clueless to take on that role (though I actually like Steven Tyler and think he would have been a great addition instead of Kara DioGuardi in the year they thought they needed four judges).

Simon is desperately needed for this show to work. And, what’s really crazy is he DOESN’T work on his own show. I think “The X Factor” is terrible – just awful, dude (to quote Randy).

So Simon leaving “American Idol” basically made two shows suck.

Another problem, last night I realized the talent in this country is all the same (either that or the “AI” producers want the same talent).

We had Tent Girl (Amy Brumfield) – who was basically Crystal Bowersox – (hopefully she can stay out of jail)
We had Phillip Phillips – who is David Cook (among many others)
We had a teenage Michael Jackson (who annoyingly fancies himself a lady’s man)
We had some awkward Lee DeWyzes (more awkward than Lee DeWyze)
We had a few Daughtrys
We had some hot chicks who could barely carry a tune but made it through to Hollywood (because it’s a singing competition – you HAVE to have good looking people on the show)
We had numerous Jennifer Hudsons
We had a lot of country music types (can country music absorb another failed pop star?)

It’s just enough with these singing talent shows. The ratings drop-off year-over-year should be proving that America is getting tired of it and Hollywood is refusing to offer us something new.

But I understand how hard it is for Fox to give it up. It’s produced at a minimum cost (relative) and still gets double the ratings of any new scripted show they launch – so why not keep it going no matter how lame?

But that doesn’t mean I have to like it… or watch it.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea