Rory McIlroy – Those Damn Kids

Hello…

This post is not about Those Damn Kids, I’ll get back to that soon enough. Snotty Scotty has been a terror – more on that next time.

This is about the loss in my life of one of the great passions of my life – watching professional golf.

When the Saudis started a rival league to compete directly with the PGA and a few name golfers decided to join up, shunning the organization that gave them everything they have in their life (the PGA), I said good riddance.

The those idiots in the middle east want to give a 55-year-old Phil Mickelson $100 million dollars to shoot 75 round-after-round – fine. Have a great life, Phil.

You’re the one that has to live with the fact that you’re taking money from a government who harbored terrorists that flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and has no problem chopping up a journalist (Jamal Khashoggi, let’s not forget his name) in their own Embassy (and were not penalized, but rewarded, – but I digress).

So… that, for me, was already a lot to take in. But, seriously, who gives a fuck about Phil Mickelson and the greatest choker in major golf history – Greg Norman.

But then a couple of weeks ago, Brooks Koepka, smug asshole that he is, (another one who took the $100 million from the Saudis – just to play – not even to win!) was allowed to play in the PGA Tournament. That alone felt like treason. But then, he actually won the damned thing!

Shit, man, I was livid.

I actually threw my walker at the television after that final putt.

My wife wasn’t around so I had to crawl out of my chair to retrieve my walker. I’ve said it before – it sucks to get old. Something I can’t wait for Those Damn Kids to experience in about sixty years or so.

And now… the ultimate Judas kiss.

The PGA – and it nearly kills me just to write it – and the LIV “Terrorist” League are going to MERGE!

TO MERGE!

All those golfers like Tiger and Rory, who could have a much higher payday from the Saudis, but decided that they couldn’t be bought and stayed loyal to the PGA, essentially, got screwed.

Phil Mickelson gets $100 million to shoot 75, Tiger and Rory, get bupkis.

So, I’m done with professional golf. If there is a college tournament on TV, something that is still untainted (don’t laugh at my naivete) – then maybe I’ll watch.

The PGA has broken a lot of Americans hearts today.

Everything is not about money.

Just because someone is paying you a billion dollars to look the other way doesn’t mean you have to take it.

Fuckers.

Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids

Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Those damn kids on my block always seem to know when and how to junk up my day.

I get up at 5:00 am every morning.

I suck some oatmeal through a straw because my teeth can’t chew anymore.

I do the crossword.

I read the news on the internet because except for the crossword, newspapers are old news.

But this morning and every morning through this weekend I am getting up at 4:00 am to watch my favorite sporting event – The Open Championship.

On these four days, I don’t care if planes are getting shot out of the sky by Russians or if Israel launches a ground invasion into Gaza.

I just want to watch The Open Championship!

Mrs. Aldrich turns on the TV for me. She liquified some strawberries and poured me a nice big glass of vodka.

I was ready for five hours of peace and enjoyment.

But, apparently, those damned mucky kids were also up and running around the the neighborhood drunk from some all night party.

They were vomiting on my lawn, fighting on my lawn, throwing eggs at my house and, in general, making me wish I was living in eastern Ukraine.

There were THUMPS and SCREAMS and there was nothing I could do.

I called the police but in East Lansing, that doesn’t really get anywhere. They don’t come for loud noise… only murder… but not for a while.

I told them that was a real possibility if those damn kids didn’t shut their yaps and go home.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, The Open Championship, Rory McIlroy, Dick Shepherd, Tom Watson, Tiger Woods, Snotty Scotty — I am choosing not to show images of Those Damn Drunken Kids

While I’m dealing with the noise and waiting on the phone, Rory McIllroy is having an incredible round with some incredible shots.

Tom Watson is, once again, playing for us old guys.

~~And Tiger Woods is in the hunt.~~ (After Round 2 strike the above comment.)

I sent Mrs. Aldrich outside to try to deal with the situation, but she came back quickly to get some water to put out a bag of flaming shit that she could see outside on the doorstep.

That was it!

Snotty Scotty and his drunken terrorists were finally going to meet their maker.

I was going to kill them, finish watching the 1st round of The Open Championship and then call the police to tell them there has been a justified killing.

Just as was going to get my gun, there was a knock at the door.

If this was ding dong ditch ’em, and I open that door and no one is there, the whole neighborhood is going up in flames. I’ll burn it all down.

Standing in the doorway was my old friend Dick Shepherd – looking worse than ever. Dick has 1/4 of a lung, one working eye, half a tongue and various other horrible ailments.

He had stomped out the flaming poop and there was no one to be seen on my lawn. Just some leftover mess that Mrs. Aldrich will clean up later.

“Dick, what the Hell? Where are those damn kids that were out here?”

“I dragged one off your lawn. There are two passed out drunk on the street.”

“But what are you doing here?”

“It’s The Open Championship – I brought a bottle of vodka.”

Good ol’ one eye, half tongue Dick. I could always count on him.

I’ll talk at you next week…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids