Good morning.
As many of you know, Manka Bros. had an excellent 2013 (mainly from the asbestos lawsuit payout from the state [yeah, baby!] and increased attendance at our Manka Fun Parks due to the new Animaltered Attractions in Des Moines and Halifax).
Because of our good fortune and superior senior management (with the exception of Jay McBee in the Television Group), we, unfortunately, must make some severe cuts in order to continue to grow.
Many of the overhead cuts we must make will certainly impact many lives (because you won’t be getting paid anymore and we live in a society where money is important), but those affected can take comfort in the fact that because they lost their job, Manka Bros. will continue to thrive.
I will leave it to the divisional heads to make the ultimate decision on who and how many get cut put here is a percentage breakdown of the mandatory cuts:
- Manka Bros. Films: Great looking 2014 Film Slate (great work, Robin!) should be a solid year [20% ACROSS THE BOARD CUT]
- Manka Highbrow: Another solid slate for 2014. Small films can be profitable as long as we cut cut cut! [15% CUT]
- Manka Dogme: No cuts – love that Barbecue movie!
- Manka Docs: Moving to an acquisition only strategy [EVERYONE IN PRODUCTION CUT]
- Manka Mumblecore: Launching division in 2nd Quarter [30% CUT]
- MBS: Broadcast is dying, our management sucks and we need MUCH better programming – [40% CUT IN DEVELOPMENT]
- Manka Business Channel: Must relaunch with a new political leaning – [100% OF LIBERALS CUTS – FISCAL CONSERVATIVES HIRED TO REPLACE]
- Manka Classic Movies: Doing great – subs and subscriber fees are up. [20% CUT – but that’s only 2 people – 10 people run that whole channel!]
- Manka Legends, Manka Memories, Manka Food & Drink Channel and Manka Sports Network [NO CUTS – ALL ARE RELAUNCHING]
- NO CUTS! The Music Industry is incredibly healthy! Thanks to Seamus and Mac McCord for excellent album launches!
- Manka Books and Mankazines: You don’t need me to tell you how fucked you are – you can either CUT yourselves or wait until somebody comes around to your cubicle but it will happen at some point (unless you work on the few blockbuster titles/authors we have remaining.
OTHER BUSINESSES:
- Manka Kids and Manka Fun Parks: No cuts yet – formulating new strategy/expansion plans.
- Manka Broadway: Will evaluate after the opening of “Rampage of the Stegosaur – The Musical.”
Corporate has recommended to me that no cuts be made in Corporate.
I’ll go along with that for now – but I’ll be watching!
——————–
So that’s it.
Get to work making those cuts.
After the task is complete, I’ll have some sort of barbecue or party at my house for those who are left.
Looking forward to a very bright future!
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
Awesome! I used to work for you … : )
Your t©© funny! Mr. Khan sounds elated. Btw, I use to use that asbestos while child helping my family decorate for Christmas (didn’t want those HOT C7 bulbs starting fire. Wow to think it would be $ someday. Did Manka Bros. ever add the Fun Park ride that hangs kids upside down by their ankles and spins them around? Heard it makes great milk shakes. Hay have Mr. Khan contact me so I can come work for barbacues.
Very surprising, I would love to drill down into these numbers a bit to see why both sites were not able to “generate adequate traffic or revenue” to justify their operation.
http://www.bidnessetc.com/21369-plug-power-inc-nasdaq-plug-news-analysis-acquires-relion-inc-for-4-million/