I am back from my house in the Seychelles and ready to go. I trust everyone had a good July and August (with the exception of my great friend Rupert Murdoch) and I pray Manka Bros. can finish strong to help save this cesspool of a year.
(If anyone asks me about my summer or how things are going with Leann Womack, you will be fired.)
On my return to the office (by the way, would it have killed anyone to fucking dust my goddamned desk?), I noticed that the idiots on the Yahoo! Board of Directors (yes, I’m talking to you Vyomesh Joshi!) fired CEO Carol Bartz.
Are they out of their fucking minds?
Before Ms. Bartz came along, Yahoo! was nothing but a second-rate search engine with a decent news and finance area. And now look at them!
I could tell things were bad at Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat this year. She wasn’t pounding whiskey sours the way I know she can. She must have known something was coming.
Well, Ms. Bartz, if I may write at you directly, today is your lucky day.
Manka Bros. – the World’s Largest Media Company – would like to hire you. And you can pretty much pick which area of the studio you would like to run.
Since everyone seems to suck at their jobs lately, I would be more than happy to fire the person you would like to replace.
It would be really sweet to get rid of Jay McBee – but you may not have much of an interest in television.
We offer a competitive salary and benefits package (comparable to all of the other division heads at Manka Bros. – with the exception of COO Lloyd Grohl who, I think, even earns more than I do).
If you accept, be sure and bring that foul mouth with you.
I would love to see you go off on someone who might accidentally park in your parking spot. That would make my day!
So, think about it. Burbank is really nice this time of year.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
P.S. – If things don’t work out and our Board of Directors has to fire you, I can assure you it will be in person and not via text or phone message. The Board gets off on seeing the face of the person being fired.