At Manka Bros. Studios, we have a suggestion box placed near the Fountain of Wisdom next to the 12-foot statue of my uncle – the great Khan Manka, Sr.
Normally, I don’t pay too much attention to the suggestions as they are mostly about the small portions served at the cafeteria; why isn’t gym membership free; and why we don’t give away more free stuff (like DVDs of our movies), etc.
But yesterday, I was made aware of a suggestion that I felt I should take head on:
“If Manka Bros. is currently going through a cost-cutting program which includes pretty severe headcount cuts, why wouldn’t you consider selling the Manka Bros. corporate jet in order to save a few of those jobs?”
This is a very thoughtful, but, I hate to say, very stupid and short-sighted question.
The jet stays.
I have never considered selling the jet for one very special reason – I need it. And I am the Chairman & CEO. Capische?
Without the jet, I would never have been able to take a call from COO Lloyd Grohl informing me we had won the movie rights to Cormac McCarthy’s “Rampage of the Stegosaur.”
Sure, I could have learned about it when I touched down in New York like a normal schlub at JFK or some such shit (if I was flying commercial like an idiot) – but I think it was important that I got that news an hour earlier so that I could think about what it meant for the company.
“But that movie lost $200 million,” you say.
And I say, shut the fuck up. We’re not done with that property, moron.
We have a musical coming out on Broadway that could end up making $1 billion. Nobody knows the future (though the music and lyrics need lots of work. Oy, those songs).
Without the jet, I wouldn’t have been able to fly to the Olympics in Sochi without going through security. Those lines were really long!
And do you know how hard it is to get to your house in the Seychelles when you’re flying commercial?!
Or Sun Valley? That would look pathetic to the other moguls.
So don’t tell me to sell the jet that I earned!
I’m a “MANKA,” goddamnit! Asking me to sell my plane is like me asking you to sell your child.
Go ahead, sell your child. I bet you could save a couple jobs with the money you make in the black-market-child-selling-ring.
Who looks foolish now, Ray Adler in Home Video? Oh, I mean, “Anonymous.”
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company