Strauss Zelnick’s Rooftop Salon

Good afternoon from New York.

Due to the ongoing $5 million renovation of my Burbank studio office, I have been in New York since last week staying at my usual suite at the Sherry Netherland Hotel.

I don’t like to come to New York that often because everyone is such an asshole, but I felt it was time to check in on the Manka Bros. East Coast operations and take a peak at the rehearsals for our upcoming Broadway Manka musical “Rampage Of The Stegosaur”.

Last night, I received a very nice invitation from my old friend Strauss Zelnick.  ZelnickMedia has a very nice collection of assets including Take-Two Interactive and Columbia Music.  Strauss and I used to butt heads quite a bit during his whacked out BMG Entertainment days (the asshole wouldn’t let me buy him out!).

Apparently, he has a rooftop salon every couple of months for “heavy-hitters” in the New Media world (which means “small-time punks” to us in the Old Media world).  He heard I was in town and asked me to come by.  He knew that Manka Bros. had recently committed $1 billion to the production of online short-form content and thought I would bring an interesting large media company point of view.

Thinking this was going to be quite the event, I quickly canceled my dinner (Masa) and show plans (Billy Elliot) with Mariska Hargitay and headed over to one of Strauss’ magnificent midtown Manhattan office buildings for his amazing rooftop salon!  However, all that glitters is not gold.  As soon as I walked onto that God-awful rooftop, I knew I chose the wrong event.

First of all, for such a rich guy, I would have expected more in the area of food.

While the El Diablo Taco Cart does make a pretty decent taco, Strauss really should have served something a little more high-end for such an “elite” group of New Media freaks (though you won’t get any complaints from Jeremy Phillips at News Corp.  He had at least four fully-loaded grande beef tacos before I even got to the front of the line).  That’s another thing, I really shouldn’t have had to wait in line.  It was a fucking embarrassment, Strauss!

[Another thing, Strauss, you should have said it was BYOB.  Surely, you have at least enough money for a couple of cases of PBR.  Jesus Christ.  I had to call my New York assistant, Ramon, and have a couple of bottles of Slivovitz delivered.  I would have had more sent if I knew Malcolm Gladwell was such a cheap drunk.]

So… as for the event… it was a complete disappointment and waste of time.  One after another, different “experts” in the shallow world of New Media got up and talked and talked and talked… and didn’t say shit.  I was expecting nothing and it still sucked.

Malcolm Gladwell (The New Yorker) basically said we were all full of ourselves if we think for one minute that we’re changing the world in any way.  He said it in such a “Fuck you, I’m totally full of myself “kind of way that I really wanted to throw him off the rooftop.  But then I become the jerk.  Assholes.

Next came another New Yorker writer, David Remnick, who started talking about some bullshit thing.

At this point, I had trouble paying attention as I began to sweat and shake violently and really needed to find a bathroom (thank you, El Diablo Tacos!).

I spent the next hour in the rooftop Port-a-Potty going in and out of consciousness.

The next thing I knew, I was in Strauss Zelnick’s office on a blow up mattress.  Strauss said the taco cart really put a damper on the evening’s agenda.  Several people, including Heather Harde of TechCrunch required on-site medical attention.

Strauss said the only positive to come out of the salon was that Malcolm Gladwell promised to never come back.

We then laughed and did a shot of Slivovitz.  Before I left, I invited Strauss to L.A. where the real media people play.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios