Sony – Page 3 – Chairman's Blog

June 17, 2016July 14, 2016

Manka Bros. Bringing Irish Potato Famine Drama To Comic-Con!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference 2013, Sun Valley Lodge, Bin Tran, Vin Tran, Lee S Ainslie III, Yousef Al Otaiba, Hans-Holger Albrecht, Paul G Allen, James Anderson, Marc Andreessen, Michael Angelakis, Tim Armstrong, Nikesh Arora, Neil M Ashe, Emilio Azcarraga, Manvinder S Banga, Lionel Barber, Craig R Barrett, Willow Bay, Andreas Bechtolsheim, Marc Benioff, Jeffrey Berg, James Berkus, Michael S Berman, Mark Bertolini, Gary Bettman, Jeff Bewkes, Jeffrey P Bezos, Aneel Bhusri, The Right Honorable Tony Blair, Gregory R Blatt, Anthony H Bloom, Michael R Bloomberg, Steven R Boal, Scott A Bommer, Cory A Booker, Jeffrey H Boyd, Sergey Brin, Glenn Britt, Tom Brokaw, Michael J Brown, Howard G Buffett, Susie Buffett, Warren Buffett, John Burbank, Stephen Burke, Erin Burnett, Ursula Burns, John E Bush, Jeanie Buss, John A Canning Jr., Chase Carey, Wences Casares, Mark Casey, Kenneth Chenault, Peter Chernin, Brian Chesky, Richard Chilton, Chris Christie, Lewis Cime, Adriana Cisneros, Gustavo Cisneros, Vittorio Colao, Timothy Collins, Patrick Collison, Timothy Cook, Anderson Cooper, David Corkins, Delos Cosgrove, Dick Costolo, Cristian Croitoru, Henry Crumpton, Jose Luis Cutrale, Will Danoff, Philippe Dauman, Christopher Davis, Alfonso de Angoitia, John DeGioia, Diego Della Valle, Brian Demain, Andre Desmarais, David DeVoe, Feroz Dewan, William DeWitt, Barry Diller, Daniel Doctoroff, Jonathan Dolgen, John Donahoe, Jack Dorsey, Michael Duke, Mathias Dopfner, David Ebersman, Wesley Edens, Marvin Edwards, Eric Eisner, Michael Eisner, John Elkann, Thomas Evans, Randel Falco, Jose Antonio Fernandez, Michael Ferror, Niall W. A. FitzGerald, Thomas Friedman, Michael Fries, Tommy Frist, Daniel Fulton, Michael Fux, Mala Gaonkar, Whitfield Gardner, William Gates, Melinda Gates, Julius Genachowski, Daniel Gilbert, Thomas Giovine, David Goldberg, Roger Goodell, Bing Gordon, Donald Graham, Brian Grazer, Brad Grey, John Griffin, Andreas Halvorsen, Reed Hastings, General Michael Hayden USAF, James Heavener, John Hendricks, John Henry, John Heyman, Kazuo Hirai, John Hock, Reid Hoffman, Won Pyo Hong, Lisa Hook, Ben Horowitz, Drew Houston, Robert Iger, David Ignatius, Martin Indyk, Phillip Jackson, Eli Jacobs, Paul Jacobs, Robert Johnson, Salar Kamanger, Peter Karmanos, Alexander Karp, Michael Karsch, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Keating, Brian Kelly, Muhtar Kent, Joseph Robert Kerrey, Dara Khosrowshahi, Seth Klaman, Joel Klein, Peter Klein, Philip H Knight, Victor Koo, Robert Kotick, Robert Kraft, Henry Kravis, Ynon Kreiz, Blake Krikorian, Ananda Krishnan, Stan Kroenke, Daniel Lamarre, Michael Larson, Martin Lau, Michael Leavitt, Jay Lee, Eric Lefkofsky, Theordore Leonsis, Max Levchin, David Levin, Phil Libin, Martin Lipton, Bryan Lourd, Kenneth W Lowe, Michael Lowenstein, Dan Lufkin, Dennis P LYnch, Michael Lynton, Maurice Levy, John Malone, Robert Marcus, Morris Mark, Donald Mattrick, Kathleen A McCarragher, General Stanley A McChrystal, Andrew McKenna, General Montgomery C Meigs, Lorenzo Mendoza, Ron Meyer, Roberto Mignone, Hiroshi Mikitani, Bill Miller, Kenneth Miranda, Thomas Monahan, Leslie Moonves, Luis Alberto Moreno, Dan Moskovitz, Craig Mundle, James Murdoch, Rupert Mudoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Nathan Myhrvold, Michael Neidorff, Jonathan M Nelson, Vivi Nevo, Sam Nunn, Michael E O'Hanlon, Daniel J O'Keefe, Don O'Neal, Ronald L Olson, Evan Osnos, CL Butch Otter, Michael Ovitz, Larry Page, Stephen G Pagliuca, Saul Pannell, Mark Papa, William Pappendick, MIchael Pausic, Minxin Pei, Francois-Henry Pinault, Mark Pincus, Laurene Powell, Lawrence F Probst, Rebecca Quick, Thomas Rabe, Jay Rasulo, Jerry Reinsdorf, Danny Rimer, Richard Riordan, Ambassador Charles H Rivkin, Brian Roberts, James Robinson IIi, James Robinson IV, Fernando Rodes Vila, Brian Rogers, Congressman Mike Rogers, Charlie Rose, Daniel Rose, Wilbur L Ross, Haim Saban, Karim Sadjadpour, Sheryl Sandberg, Ricky Sandler, Ted Sarandos, Fayez Sarofim, Nassef Sawiris, Eric Schmidt, John Schneider, Christopher Schroeder, John Scully, Allan Selig, Nicole Seligman, Eric Semler, William Siegel, Herbert Siegel, Ben Silbermann, Christopher Silbermann, Louis Simpson, Eduardo Sirotsky Melzer, Andrew Sorkin, Sir Martin Sorrell, Thomas Staggs, Cristina Stenbeck, David Stern, Michael Stone, Sir Howard Stringer, Robert Swan, Peter Thiel, Mark Thompson, Sebastian Thrun, Thomas Tull, Peter Ueberroth, Joseph Vacanti, Jeffrey Van Harte, Owen Van Natta, Martin Varsavsky, Leftie Vaughn, Michelangelo Volpi, Alexandre Von Furstenberg, Dian von Furstenberg, Casey Wasserman, David Weinberg, Judd Weinberg, Jeff Weiner, Harvey Weinstein, Wallace R Weitz, Robert Werbel, Michael White, Meg Whitman, Jim Wiatt, James Williams, Fred Wilpon, Jeffrey Wilpon, Fred Wilson, David J Winters, Nicholas Woodman, Major General Amos Yadlin, Jerry Yang, Jed York, David Zaslav, Dirk E Ziff, Gianfranco Zoppas, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Ma, Jeff Bezos, Tony Wible, Marissa Mayer, General Stanley McChrystal, John Kerry, Michael Bloomberg, Comic-Con 2016, Comic Con

Normally I don’t make these little announcements about a film going here or premiering there – we have a team for that. But I just saw a first cut of our upcoming end of year Academy Award-type movie “Gorta Mor: Whilst Ireland Weeps” (heads up Theatrical Marketing – that horrible title is changing).

In a word: It’s spectacularly sad; spectacularly uplifting; it’s just spectacular.

Actually there are no words to describe it.

Many of you may be thinking – hey, isn’t Manka Bros. the studio that said “fuck you” to the Oscars (multiple times) and the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences?

Isn’t Manka Bros. also the studio that said “fuck you” to Comic-Con?

Yes and yes – guilty as charged.

But this film has restored my faith in shitty Hollywood organizations and dumb ass conventions full of dorks that don’t shower.

Corporate PR is taking over the next part of this post:

The movie is based on the devastating book “Gorta Mor: Whilst Ireland Weeps” written by best-selling author Alison Fogle (“Carrier Pigeons”) and tells the story of a family struggling to survive during the Irish Potato Famine in the 1850s. The movie is directed by David Mahane (“Flaccid Trip”) and stars Ray Fayton (of TV’s “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent”) and Hannah Egan (“Forensics”). Music is composed by international recording superstar Seamus who draws deep on his Irish heritage to create a truly remarkable score.

So you can see why I am so excited to get the word out – even if means going back to Comic-Con this year after the bullshit reception I got a couple of years ago.

“Gorta Mor: Whilst Ireland Weeps” should be fascinating for those freaks who attend Comic-Con who obviously know nothing about what it’s like to starve to death or even know what it’s like to go more than 15 minutes without eating some sort of salty snack.

Manka Bros. is attempting to secure Hall H as we feel the buzz surrounding this movie should create a “must see” vibe at the convention (and at theaters around the world).

I hope to see you there – from a distance – the VIP suite is for VIPs only.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

April 9, 2015June 25, 2015

Manka Bros. Will No Longer Hire Anyone Over 30

Good morning.

As of today, Manka Bros. will no longer hire anyone who is 30 or over.

Over the past year or so, I have come to realize it would be a strategic blunder for myself and the Manka Bros. shareholders to produce any new content or develop any new distribution platforms for anyone other than those between the ages of 0 and 29.

I’m not going to lose millions just so some old person can keep their job!

Manka Bros. is producing 157 comic book movies over the next 35 years. I don’t want that shit to look cool to 50-year-olds but completely bore 15-year-olds.

Based on everything we need to do going forward, there is no point to having anyone work on the creative or business side that is over 30.

Business schools call this the “Logan’s Run” HR strategy and it’s secretly being used effectively by many high-profile Silicon Valley companies.

I like to think of it more as the MTV VJ strategy of firing the VJ women (only) once they hit 25. (Look at me, “MTV VJs” – really showing my age there. Thank God I own the studio or I would right out on my ass 🙂 )

But seriously, 31-year-olds don’t know what 25-year-olds watch or how they interact with content. And no one gives a shit what a 31-year-old watches.

I mean, who is going to watch the new Mad Max movie (which was made by a 70-year-old director!)? I mean, just look at this piece of shit:

The buzz is much better for our upcoming summer release “Flaccid Trip” – which was directed by an 18-year-old high school kid using only his iPhone as a camera.

Watch this clip and you be the judge:

See what I mean? THAT’S what the young people want.

Being the oldest (and largest) studio in Hollywood has its advantages (deep pockets, deep library, classic characters) but also its disadvantages (old thinking, stuck in our ways, etc.).

So, what’s to become of all the current employees who are over 30?

Most will be let go with the exception of anyone that is an SVP or above.

While it is true that most of the SVPs and above are rich, fat and haven’t thought of anything new or exciting in years, most of their exit packages would be too great and I don’t want to part with that cash. (And I also don’t want to disrupt my weekly squash game that I have with some of those guys.)

Everyone below SVP – who is 30 or older – should be receiving some sort of call in the next, I don’t know, month or so.

I’m sure this new policy will have its detractors and I’m sure you all have many questions – but it is nearing lunch time and I am typing this myself (my assistant is 42 and I don’t want to upset her before lunch).

Thanks for all your hard work over the years (though I know many of you didn’t work hard at all – just saying) and I hope all of you who are leaving Manka Bros. will wish us all the best as we become a younger, incredibly innovative and much more fun place to work.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – If you are 29, you may want to start looking for a job (or go on unemployment, I don’t really care).

P.P.S – Follow us on SOCIAL MEDIA! That’s right, suckers, we’re on Vine, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, Tumblr, Snapchat (maybe not) – because THAT’S what my daughter Connie says the kids are doing.

P.P.P.S. – And for any old people and losers out there – we also have a web page, a broadcast network and cable channels – HA HA – pathetic.

January 15, 2015June 3, 2015

Again, F The Academy Awards

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben Silverman, Colin Firth, Harrison Ford, Jake Gyllenhaal, Laura Linney, James McAvoy, Mo'Nique, Julianne Moore, Christoph Waltz, Colleen Atwood, Milena Canonero, Betsy Heimann, Judianna Mokovsky, Ha Nguyen, Ken Adam, Rick Carter, Lilly Kilvert, Rusty Smith, George DeTitta, K.C. Fox, nancy Haigh, Leslie Pope, Sandy Reynolds Wasco, Russ Alsobrook, Robbie Greenberg, Julio Macat, Hiro Narita, Amelia Vincent, Wes Anderson, Roger Corman, Lasse Hallstrom, Mike Leigh, Errol Morris, Lone Scherfig, Joe Berlinger, Liz Garbus, Alex Gibney, Mark Lewis, Julia Reichert, Michael Barker, Peter Chernin, Camela Galano, Brad Grey, Lisa Henson, Bill Mechanic, Robert Shaye, Patrick Wachsberger, David Brenner, Lisa Zeno Churgin, Lynzee Klingman, Michael Tronick, Billy Weber, Lois Burwell, David Marti, Montse Ribe, Ve Neill, Aldo Signoretti, Kazuhiro Tsuji, Bryan Adams, Eric Clapton, The Edge, Michael Giacchino, Suzana Peric, Dean Pitchford, Arthur Cohn, Eric Fellner, Samuel Goldwyn, Charles Roven, Jennifer Todd, Suzanne Todd, Duncan Clark, Therese Curtin, Rob Friedman, Nancy Utley, Jochen Alexander Freydank, Martin McDonagh, Dean Parisot, Signe Baumane, Sharon Calahan, Pete Docter, Chris Landreth, Bill Plympton, Wendy Tilby, Chris Wedge, Karen Baker Landers, Willie Burton, Benjamin Burtt, Anthony Ciccolini, Mary Jo Lang, Virginia Cook-McGown, Dean Zupancic, Eric Brevig, John Frazier, Michele Moen, Mark Stetson, Hoyt Yeatman, Hossein Amini, Judd Apatow, Guillermo Arriaga, Diablo Cody, Geoffrey Fletcher, Christopher Hampton, Robin Swicord, Grover Crisp, Ray Dolby, Sarah Halley Finn, Ron Stein, Beverly Joanna Wood, Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Hudson, Wes Studi, Michelle Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Lisa Cholodenko, Christopher Nolan, John Singleton, Kathleen Bennett, Bono, T Bone Burnett, Pablo Helman, Van Ling, Helena Packer, Lynzee Klingman, Demian Bichir, George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Kenneth Branagh, Jonah Hill, Nick Nolte, Christopher Plummer, Max Von Sydow, Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Berenice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer, Octavia Spencer, Alain Gognol, Jean-Loup Felicioli, Fernando Trueba, Javier Mariscal, Jennifer Yuh Nelson, Chris Miller, Gore Verbinski, Robert Gould, Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan, Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo, Anne Seibel, Helene Dubreuil, Rick Carter, Lee Sandales, Guillaume Schiffman, Jeff Cronenweth, Robert Richardson, Emmanuel Lubezki, Janusz Kaminski, Lisy Christl, Mark Bridges, Sandy Powell, Michael O'Connor, Arianne Phillips, Michel Hazanavicius, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Terrence Malick, Danfung Dennis, Mike Lerner, Marhsal Curry, Sam Cullman, Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky, Wim Wenders, Gian-Piero Ringel, TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay, Richard Middlemas, Robin Fryday, Gail Dolgin, Rebecca Cammisa, Julie Anderson, James Spione, Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, Lucy Walker, Kira Carstensen, Anne-Sophie Bion, Kevin Tent, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Thelma Schoonmaker, Christopher Tellefesn, Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston, Matthew Mungle, Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight, Lisa Tomblin, Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland, John Williams, Ludovic Bource, Howard Shore, Alberto Iglesias, Bret McKenzie, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, Siedah Garrett, Thomas Langmann, Jim Burke, Jim Taylor, Scott Rudin, Brunson Green, Chris Columbus, Michael Barnathan, Graham King, Letty Aronson, Stephen Tenenbaum, Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz, Kathleen Kennedy, Patrick Doyon, William Joyce, Brandon Oldenburg, Enrico Casarosa, Grant Orchard, Sue Goffe, Amanda Forbis, Wendy Tilby, Peter McDonald, Eimear O'Kane, Max Zahle, Stefan Gieren, Terry George, Oorlagh George, Andrew Bowler, Gigi Causey, Hallvar Witzo, Lon Bender, Victor Ray Ennis, Ren Kylce, Philip Stockton, Eugene Gearty, Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl, Richard Hymns, Gary Rydstrom, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce, Bo Persson, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley, Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, David Giammarco, Ed Novick, Greg Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey Haboush, Peter Devlin, Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson, Stuart Wilson, Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler, John Richardson, Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman, Alex Henning, Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor, Swen Gillberg, Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White, Daniel Barrett, Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler, John Frazier, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, John Logan, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan, Annie Mumolo, Kristin Wiig, J.C. Chandor, Asghar Farhadi

I can’t believe I got up at 5:30 this morning for nothing.

Bob Iger gets up at 5:30 every morning to hang upside-down from a bar like a bat.

I’m not a whack job like he is – I sleep until a normal hour.

But I got up like an idiot expecting to hear that Manka Bros. had received several Academy Award nominations.

But no – not a one.

Not even some bullshit nomination like visual effects or something.

I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t care about this shit.

Little awards given by little people – everyone’s so fucking happy.

The Golden Globes are one thing – seriously who cares about that bunch chain smoking, disco-holics?

But the Academy Awards is where our business is supposed to celebrate the best of the best.

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CELEBRATE THE BEST OF THE BEST WITHOUT MANKA BROS.!!?

We didn’t freakin’ make “Flaccid Trip” for its big box office potential.

We’re making 157 comic book movies over the next 35 years to make money – you idiots!

We made “Flaccid Trip” to win Academy Awards.

Capisce?

It’s called a “prestige picture.”

Take a look:

See what I mean?

I’m calling this the biggest snub at Academy Awards since the Manka Bros. film “Two-Legged Race” wasn’t nominated in 1950.

This has been a rough week for us.

It seems we are getting MAJOR push-back from various governments and other studios at our proposal to build a Manka Fun Park in Yemen due to the whole terrorist thing going on there.

Um – you know, for the record “Je Suis Charlie” – okay? I’m not at all sympathetic to those murderers – okay?

The good people of Yemen (I’m sure there are some) are desperate for roller coasters and funny characters dressed up in costumes. Not everyone in that country is a terrorist.

I think this video lays out our plans pretty well.

See – completely non-offensive and something like this could really change the attitude of the terrorists over there.

At Manka Bros., we’re freakin’ trying to change the world for the better.

Get the fuck out of our way!

Finally, it seems the real life ex-Yankee baseball great Bucky Dent is trying to stop us from going forward with a hilarious new sitcom called “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent” – just look at how fantastic this table read is.

He could make millions (if we gave him a piece of the show which I’m fully convinced we DON’T have to do and don’t plan to do):

So, in light these horrible things (plus many others that I won’t mention) that seem to be happening to us every day – I urge the Academy to reconsider and nominate “Flaccid Trip” for Best Picture and all other major awards.

If you don’t, I will start my own competing Award Show to air opposite your little pageant which will effectively bring you down.

Choose wisely, my (ex) friends.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 11, 2014June 4, 2015

Dear Hollywood Foreign Press – F Off

JESUS CHRIST!

Who the fuck do you have to blow or bribe in the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to getting a stupid Golden Globe nomination?!

These nominations are abominations.

“Birdman” – seriously?

“The Imitation Game”?

What the hell is a Benedict Cumberbatch! Is that a Charles Dickens book?

Did any of the chain-smoking corrupt pieces of shit see the Manka Bros. film “Flaccid Trip“?

Obviously not or it would have been nominated.

It’s six times better than “Boyhood” – sorry we didn’t “advertise” as much IFC.

Here’s a clip to remind you what a truly great film looks like:

I should have sent the screener of the film over with a prostitute, a case of Slivovitz and a few cartons of Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes.

Oh God.

I think the heads of the major studios need to get together to somehow end this constant charade of worthless award shows.

Again, the Hollywood Foreign Press can F themselves. Right in the A.

Really, HFPA, you couldn’t find ONE Manka Bros. movie or TV show to nominate this year?

Did you see the Manka Bros. Films slate or the Manka Highbrow slate?

Did you see “Severed Fingers” on MBS? Here’s a freakin’ clip!

See you at the Emmys! Oh, sorry, I’m sure they wouldn’t let you into a legitimate award show.

I’m done.

Just remember this, no matter how many times you nominate Jennifer Aniston, she’s never going to “party with you.”

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Manka Bros. is planning to produce 157 movies based on classic MC Comics characters over the next 35 years – and none of them will be submitted for Golden Globe consideration!

October 31, 2014May 18, 2016

Manka Bros. To Produce 157 Movies Based On MC Comics Characters Through 2050

Good afternoon.

The title pretty much says it all.

THIS SHIT IS REAL!

So come on, Comic Con geeks – let your heads commence to explode.

THIS IS A HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT and a financial commitment unparalleled in the history of Hollywood (and way more impressive than DC Comics or Marvel’s puny little movie announcements).

We’ve talked about getting these world-class characters out of the comic book pages and onto the big screen for months – especially when you see some of those box office grosses – Jesus Christ – people will watch anything!

And MC Comics has arguably the best characters in the universe – it is Manka Bros.’ crown jewel.

I think the entire planet is ready for a “Captain Stoppo” movie (which, unfortunately, isn’t part of our current plan).

And what is the plan? Here you go, movie dorks – and, by the way, YOU’RE WELCOME!

Starting 2015, Manka Bros. will release 3-5 MC Comics SUPERMOVIES™ a year. (I don’t call them event films or tentpoles – I call them SUPERMOVIES™ – meaning big, awesome and insanely profitable).

By 2050, the story arcs we have mapped out over the past few days will be completed and we’ll be ready to go in a new direction.

Maybe we’ll start doing epic romantic comedies or something. No matter what, we’ll be able to do whatever the fuck we want because we’re going to make so much bank on these comic book movies it’s not even funny.

Enough of my chatter -let’s get to the release schedule – it’s going to be a long scroll:

2015:

The Javelin: End Of Innocence (March 4)
Uncle Knuckles: Unnecessary Evil (July 2)
The Brown Haze: Code of H.O.N.O.R.(November 18)

2016:

Doctor Proctor: Aliens Unite (June 9)
The Jacobeans: Copernican Revolution (August 12)
Skullboy: Birth of T.O.R.N.A.T.O. (featuring The Javelin, Uncle Knuckles, The Brown Haze, Microwife and Sheetah) (TBD)
Johnny Crasp & The Lost Trood (Christmas)

2017:

Sheetah: Harvest of Sorrow (February 14)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O.: Midnight Storm (May 6)
The Javelin 2: Heroes Unwelcome (July 18)
Pebble Boy: Who Is Pebble Boy? (October 20)

2018:

Uncle Knuckles 2: Evil Is Not Necessary (April 3)
Gray Goose & Orange Crush: Earth’s Last Stand (June 27)
The Father: Obey (November 8)
The Jacobeans 2: The Smell of Death (Christmas)

2019:

Buddha vs. Moses: Curse of the Millennium (March 17)
Doctor Proctor 2: Always Say Never (July 6)
The Son: Adore & Glorify (November 7)
The Brown Haze 2: Planet on Fire (Thanksgiving)

2020:

T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 2: Bluetooth Ascends(April 6)
The Black Wasp: Deadly Flight (July 7)
The Holy Ghost: You Must Fear (November 9)
Skullboy 2: Sailors Delight (December 18)

2021:

Pebble Boy 2: Clayhead’s Revenge (March 14)
Johnny Crasp & The Lost Trood 2: Seasons In The Sun (August 25)
The Father vs. The Son vs. The Holy Ghost: Heaven’s On Fire (Christmas)

2022:

Sheetah 2: Inside The Dark (February 10)
Uncle Knuckles 3: Evil Stand Down (May 5)
Buddha vs. Moses vs. The Black Wasp: End Of Days (Thanksgiving)
The Jacobeans 3: Birth Of A Nation (Christmas)

2023:

Vertebraek: The Mayan Dutchman (March 8)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 3: Everything Dies (May 20)
The Human Jaguar vs. The Animal Jaguar: Gorilla Warfare (Part 1 of 5) (July 23)
The Holy Ghost 2: Down To Earth (December 22)

2024:

The Javelin 3: The New Javelin (April 18)
The Black Wasp 2: Dead Dead Dead (Never To Return) (July 4)
Buddha, Jesus, Moses & Young (A Comedy) (November 4)

2025:

Pebble Boy 3: Pebble Man (January 16)
Doctor Proctor 3: Fatal Examination (June 28)
The Human Jaguar vs. The Animal Jaguar: Skinned Alive (Part 2 of 5) (November 14)

2026:

Vertebraek 2: Deathert Storm (February 12)
The Brown Haze 3: Clear Skies (May 15)
The Human Jaguar vs. The Animal Jaguar: Shot In The Back (Part 3 of 5) (November 12)
Joe Jitsu: The Death of Chuck Spalding (Christmas)

2027:

T.O.R.N.A.T.O 4: Fresh Dawn (featuring new characters including The New Javelin, Joe Jitsu, Moses, Mysteria, Groan and The Kentuckian) (May 5)
The Jacobeans 4: Pandemic (July 3)
The Black Wasp 3: Never Stay Dead (October 4)
The Human Jaguar vs. The Animal Jaguar: Filthy Beast (Part 4 of 5) (November 15)

2028:

The New Javelin: The Indian Train Porter (March 20)
Phillip Jagstone: The Human Box (June 16)
Smack-O-Lantern: World On Fire (October 24)
The Human Jaguar vs. The Animal Jaguar: Somebody Wins (Part 5 of 5 – Part 1) (November 18)

2029:

Pebble Man: The Birth Of Pebble Boy (March 17)
Johnny Crasp & The Lost Trood 3: Bleeding City Of Gold (June 16)
Uncle Knuckles: No Surrender (brand refresh) (October 17)
The Human Jaguar vs. The Animal Jaguar: Somebody Wins (Part 5 of 5 – Part 2) (November 19)

2030:

The Indian Train Porter: Mumbai Monsoon (April 17)
Joe Jitsu 2: The Masked Apparition (August 2)
The Human Jaguar vs. The Animal Jaguar: Somebody Wins (Part 5 of 5 – Part 3) November 20
The Duchess of Malfi vs. The Human Box (Christmas)

2031:

The New Javelin 2: Killosopher’s Last Stand (March 18)
Colonel Albania: Czechmate (July 17)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 1 of 6) (November 12)
The Forgotten 8: Pointillist Rising (featuring The Lifter, Pinch Hitter, 2 Of Clubs, Da Boss, Everlass, Slacks, The Ghost of Hamlet’s Father and Soknotta) (Christmas)

2032:

Pebble Boy vs. The Brown Haze: Sundown (May 5)
The Black Wasp 4: Gravity Ends (July 17)
The Human Box: The Phillip Jagstone Chronicles (Part 1 of 3) (October 14)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 2 of 6) (November 13)

2033:

Vertebraek 3: Seeds Of Destruction (April 3)
The Indian Train Porter 2: Controlled Substance (August 15)
Smack-O-Lantern 2: Sending My Love (October 22)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 3 of 6) (November 12)
Joe Jitsu 3: Groan & Gasp (November 26)
The Duchess Of Malfi: Prelude To A Storm (Christmas)

2034:

Colonel Albania 2: Lethalania (February 3)
Sheetah 3: There’s A New Sheetah In Town (April 7)
The Human Box: The Phillip Jagstone Chronicles (Part 2 of 3) (July 23)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 4 of 6) (November 13)
Buddha vs. Moses vs. The Black Wasp 2: Exodus (Christmas)

2035:

The New Javelin 3: The Rebirth Of T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 1 (featuring all the original T.O.R.N.A.T.O. members but younger (The Javelin, Uncle Knuckles, The Brown Haze, Microwife and Sheetah) – not to be confused with the T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile series characters (The New Javelin, Joe Jitsu, Moses, Mysteria, Groan and The Kentuckian) (May 13)
Johnny Crasp & The Lost Trood 4: Skullinary Art (August 10)
Pebble Boy vs. Crocodoll: Island On Fire (October 10)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 5 of 6) (November 15)

2036:

The Amazing Echo: Deceptikon 436 (February 2)
The Forgotten 8 2: Hope Laughs (April 18)
The Human Box: The Phillip Jagstone Chronicles (Part 3 of 3 – Part 1) (July 16)
Smack-O-Lantern 3: Death Knocks (October 20)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 6 of 6 – Part 1) (November 18)

2037:

Groan & Gasp: The Fall Of Smugly (February 6)
New Sheetah: Sunrise At Dawn (March 29)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O 1: Universal Upheaval (July 16)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 6 of 6 – Part 2) (November 15)
The Indian Train Porter 3: Cry Of The Creed Whacker (December 18)

2038:

Madgician: Death To The Forgotten 8 (March 7)
The Human Box: The Phillip Jagstone Chronicles (Part 3 of 3 – Part 2) (July 7)
General Albania: Promotion Granted (August 17)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 6 of 6 – Part 3) (November 7)
The Jacobeans vs. Mandito: God Will Decide (Christmas)

2039:

Uncle Knuckles / Pebble Boy Crossover Event (Title TBD) (March 12)
Doctor Proctor: Lou Tonium’s Final War (July 4)
The Amazing Echo 2: The Inertian (October 10)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 6 of 6 – Part 4) (November 20)

2040:

Johnny Crasp & the Lost Trood 5: Found Trood (February 14)
Sheetah & The Human Jaguar vs. Joe Jitsu & Uncle Knuckles: Hell Unbound (May 25)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 2: Universe Unhinged (July 6)
The Holy Ghost 3: Fear The Reaper (August 17)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. Guerre Civile (Part 6 of 6 – Part 5) (November 22)
The Fissureman: Earth Walker (December 14)

2041:

Groan & Gasp 2: The Story Of Gunshine (March 6)
Pebble Boy vs. Crocodoll 2: The Death Of Crocodoll, The Birth Of Brawlcano (May 14)
Vertebraek 4: Welcome To Hades (July 16)
Smack-O-Lantern 4: A Musical Horromedy (October 20)
New Sheetah 2: Old Sheetah’s Shadow (December 3)

2042:

Clayhead 2: High School Sucks (April 24)
The New Brown Haze: Big Bang (brand refresh) (Jun 15)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O: God Help Us All (July 17)
Insurance Squad No. 1: Galaxy Implosion (November 15)

2043:

The Forgotten 8 3: Burn In Hell (March 25)
Brawlcano: Mind The Gap (July 15)
Lou Tonium: The World Is Flattened (October 20)
Uncle Knuckles / Pebble Boy Crossover Event 2 (Title TBD) (November 16)
The Ghost Of Hamlet’s Father: Murder Most Foul (Christmas)

2044:

The Jacobeans vs. Mandito 2: Splat (February 22)
The Kentuckian: Galactic Hoedown (June 25)
Sheetah & The Human Jaguar vs. Joe Jitsu & Uncle Knuckles 2: Hell Unscrewed (November 3)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 2: Hell’s Apocalypse (November 27)
The Fissureman 2: Earth Runner (Christmas)

2045:

Groan & Gasp 2: Dr. Flamenco’s Return (January 23)
Clayhead 3: High School Still Sucks (April 19)
The Indian Train Porter 4: One More Job (July 20)
Smack-O-Lantern: Back To Terror (October 17)
General Albania 2: White Sea Cannibal (Christmas)

2046:

Madgician 2: Revenge Of Madgician’s Rabbit (March 4)
Glassh vs. Smugly: No One Survives (May 26)
Lou Tonium 2: Quarantined (July 6)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 3: Serious Business (November 15)
Crocodoll’s Christmas In Virginia (December 12)

2047:

Dr. Flamenco: The Last Dance (February 14)
The Forgotten 8 4: Habeas Corpus (June 17)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O 4: All Is Lost (November 12)
The Kentuckian 2: Galactic Barbecue (December 3)

2048:

Sheetah & The Human Jaguar vs. Joe Jitsu & Uncle Knuckles 3: Hell’s Last Stand (March 7)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 5: Gotterdammerung (Part 1) (June 3)
Insurance Squad No. 2: Solar Eclipse (August 15)
The Indian Train Porter Dies (October 23)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 5: Gotterdammerung (Part 2) (November 17)
Crocodoll’s Christmas In Virginia 2: Valentine’s Day (December 20)

2049:

General Albania vs. Pebble Boy: Soviet Beatdown (February 14)
Clayhead 4: College Sucks (April 15)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 5: Gotterdammerung (Part 3) (July 4)
Lou Tonium 3: Damn It! (August 24)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 5: Gotterdammerung (Part 4) (November 12)

2050:

Insurance Squad No. 3: Flame Throwers (March 14)
The Fissureman 3: Into The Jungle (May 7)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 5: Gotterdammerung (Part 5) (July 2)
Doctor Proctor & Sheetah Get Married (working title) (August 12)
Smack-O-Lantern: Swallow This (October 18)
T.O.R.N.A.T.O. vs. T.O.R.N.A.T.O. 5: Gotterdammerung (Part 6) (November 6)
Crocodoll’s Christmas In Virginia 3: Columbus Day (Christmas)

Whew, that’s a lot of content! I certainly hope WALL STREET (pricks) gets as excited about this list of titles as I am.

So now we’re just going to go out and make these 157 movies. We’ll start hiring writers and directors and actors and come up with costumes and all that stuff.

Manka Bros. has, once again, proven that we are – by a long shot- the world’s largest media company!

Take that Jack Ma!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – I’d like to thank my assistant Vicky Adler-Modry for typing up this gigantic list. I’ve given her the rest of the evening off.

October 10, 2014October 10, 2014

I Am Not Giving Up The Jet

Good morning.

At Manka Bros. Studios, we have a suggestion box placed near the Fountain of Wisdom next to the 12-foot statue of my uncle – the great Khan Manka, Sr.

Normally, I don’t pay too much attention to the suggestions as they are mostly about the small portions served at the cafeteria; why isn’t gym membership free; and why we don’t give away more free stuff (like DVDs of our movies), etc.

But yesterday, I was made aware of a suggestion that I felt I should take head on:

“If Manka Bros. is currently going through a cost-cutting program which includes pretty severe headcount cuts, why wouldn’t you consider selling the Manka Bros. corporate jet in order to save a few of those jobs?”

This is a very thoughtful, but, I hate to say, very stupid and short-sighted question.

The jet stays.

Period.

I have never considered selling the jet for one very special reason – I need it. And I am the Chairman & CEO. Capische?

Without the jet, I would never have been able to take a call from COO Lloyd Grohl informing me we had won the movie rights to Cormac McCarthy’s “Rampage of the Stegosaur.”

Sure, I could have learned about it when I touched down in New York like a normal schlub at JFK or some such shit (if I was flying commercial like an idiot) – but I think it was important that I got that news an hour earlier so that I could think about what it meant for the company.

“But that movie lost $200 million,” you say.

And I say, shut the fuck up. We’re not done with that property, moron.

We have a musical coming out on Broadway that could end up making $1 billion. Nobody knows the future (though the music and lyrics need lots of work. Oy, those songs).

Without the jet, I wouldn’t have been able to fly to the Olympics in Sochi without going through security. Those lines were really long!

And do you know how hard it is to get to your house in the Seychelles when you’re flying commercial?!

Or Sun Valley? That would look pathetic to the other moguls.

So don’t tell me to sell the jet that I earned!

I’m a “MANKA,” goddamnit! Asking me to sell my plane is like me asking you to sell your child.

Go ahead, sell your child. I bet you could save a couple jobs with the money you make in the black-market-child-selling-ring.

Who looks foolish now, Ray Adler in Home Video? Oh, I mean, “Anonymous.”

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 10, 2014July 10, 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014 – Improv Night

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Day 1: The End Of Cynicism

Day 2: Pivot

Day 3: Improv Night

You know what? F these young tech dorks!

The great John Grisham once wrote there is a “Time To Kill” (or Jesus said it in the Bible – I don’t know)… but last night was almost my time to kill several asshole billionaire millennials.

I just wanted to strangle them with those tight t-shirts they’re so proud of wearing.

Herb Allen has lost control of this conference. He has been overly enamored and completely overrun by the arrogant pricks that are the Silicon Valley t-shirt mafia.

Let me step back…

After a fucking long day of interviews and presentations from the likes of Phil Jackson and Larry Page (Larry talked about robots – that’s the pot calling the kettle black – he IS a robot!) in which they said everything and yet nothing, all we in the captive audience wanted to do was relax, have a drink and a little fun.

Every year, there is always one night that is set aside for some type of entertainment in which we, the attendees, are the entertainers.

It could be a karaoke night. A boxing tournament. Or even the controversial (and truly horrific) “Burning Mogul” event from a couple of years ago.

This year, Herb decided it would be fun to put on skits and songs like kids do at real summer camps. It sort of sounded like fun – many emails were sent back and forth from everyone and we all agreed.

Warren Buffett fought very hard to put on some sort of Broadway musical but there weren’t enough female moguls available to fill all the parts of something like that.

So short little rehearsed sketches or songs was the final decision.

Tim Armstrong was going to be at the piano (he plays better than Lang Lang, you know) and would accompany anyone that needed it.

It was all set.

Harvey Weinstein and I were going to do the “Dave’s not here” bit from Cheech & Chong. I had that record memorized when I was younger.

But then punk ass Zuckerberg decided he didn’t want to do a skit or song. He wanted to do improv and have an improv jam.

An improv jam in the Great Hall of the Moguls (The Limelight Ballroom)?

The fuck?!

And Herb Allen caved immediately and said it was a great idea. Much better than what he had planned.

So the skits were off and I witnessed what was possibly the worst display of comedy I have seen since our pilot episode of “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent.”

I would have preferred to sit and watch Barry Diller play video games on Twitch than to watch this terrible terrible improv show.

True horror is watching Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Weiner and Ben Horowitz improvising a rap version of the “Gilligan’s Island” theme song (on an audience suggestion by Jeff Bezos).

Words can’t describe the discomfort we all felt when General Stanley McChrystal was pulled up into a scene where he was asked to get a reservation at a Mexican restaurant from an unintelligible Mexican waiter (played painfully by Les Moonves).

The General was genuinely angry and absolutely flustered by the whole experience.

It was gut-wrenching.

But the young punks ate it up.

I haven’t seen people laugh at something so awful since I was kneed in the nuts by Sumner Redstone in front of his family.

Other lowlights include:

A Charlie Rose chiquita banana bit (no further comment necessary)

A painful first date improv which took place at a laundry mat featuring Marissa Mayer (who still refuses to fix her thrashed voice – though she was the first to arrive, well ahead of schedule) and Michael Bloomberg. There was so much silence and embarrassment that people started shouting out things for them to say. They still stood, unable to come up with anything and then just stopped.

To finish, Harvey Weinstein jumped up and did a sort of one man show where he is ordering God to make some changes on Earth. It sounds funnier than it was because his changes were so stupid and it went on like 25 minutes.

It was a complete humiliation for everyone involved.

The coming together of old and new media took a huge step backwards last night.

Just a massive epic fail.

Oh well – today’s panels are dominated by old media guys talking about content. It’s our day to shine!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 9, 2014July 10, 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014 – Day 2 – Pivot

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Day 1: The End Of Cynicism

Day 2: Pivot

Day 3: Improv Night

I hate buzz words.

I don’t use them. I make fun of those that use them.

I didn’t go to business school so I didn’t learn how to speak cliches in meetings.

I went to drug-taking-son-of-movie-mogul school and we didn’t use buzz words except for “far out.”

It seems that everyone you hire from Ivy leagues schools has lost their ability to express themselves in a natural way.

Yet we keep hiring them because there are only so many drug-taking sons-of-movie-moguls in the talent pool and we can’t take a chance on someone from Arizona State (seriously).

But today, a buzz word is apt.

Manka Bros. and Hollywood MUST PIVOT!

Last night, as I got hammered with my old media buddies and talked about the houses we own and the places we’re planning to go for the summer – I noticed over in a corner a bunch of the young tech heads who weren’t getting that drunk and who weren’t talking about anything other than the products they create.

We have NO CHANCE against much younger people who want to do nothing but talk about their work.

There are too many distractions in Hollywood.

We are rich men living rich men lives.

We drink a lot of expensive wine and scotch.

If we’re just going to concentrate on our work all the time we may as well live in a fleabag apartment in Pacoima and take the bus to work.

The spoils are the reason we got in this business.

So here I am with Rupert (who is not allowed to buy my company at any price. I’m a real mogul – not a hired mogul) and Haim Saban and a few other old media guys at the bar getting lit.

Over in one corner, sporting various wearable devices (Google glasses, Oculus viewfinders, GoPro cameras, etc.) are Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Mark Zuckerberg and the Pinterest guy and the GoPro surfer guy… and they’re freakin’ talking about the shit they make!!

And then I spot Bob Iger wearing that virtual reality helmet.

What?! Bob Iger?!

You see, Bob is no idiot.

He knows what the Hell is going on.

Though he does look ridiculous in his high collar shirt with the Oculus thing on his face pretending to be skydiving.

All this change has been happening and we have been so ignorant and so resistant!

I left my old drunk friends at the bar and squeezed my way into the hacky-sack circle of tech punks and I learned a few things.

First of all, according to the Google guys, we need to get a YouTube channel and probably buy some multi-channel network (called MCNs) of some sort.

There is a MankaBrosStudios YouTube channel, but surprise surprise, we don’t own it.

I think we should buy it back for whatever it costs and maybe one of those gamer channels where dumb asses pay to watch other dumb asses play video games on the internet.

YouTube is buying something called Twitch and I think we need to get into that as well. Some Twitch channel that dumb asses will pay us to watch.

I have ordered my assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry, to give these instructions to the Manka Business Development group to make all of this happen immediately!

(Note: She shouldn’t have to do that because, as you know, reading my blog is mandatory and subject to termination if you don’t!)

Manka Bros. must PIVOT, DISRUPT, LEAN IN and EXECUTE!

CAPISCE?

Today, there is an endless stream of horrific PowerPoint presentations that I said I would attend. There is break this afternoon before our dinner tonight and annual variety show. FYI, Harvey Weinstein and I are doing an old Cheech & Chong bit which should surely kill in that room.

If anyone needs to reach me – the afternoon window is your only chance.

Make this shit happen or all of you are toast and I’ll restaff with new recruits from Arizona State!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 8, 2014July 10, 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014 – Day 1 – The End of Cynicism

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Day 1: The End of Cynicism

Day 2: Pivot

Day 3: Improv Night

Well, fuck, it’s that time of year again.

I contemplated not going at all to the Herb Allen’s Sun Valley snorefest, but decided it was in my company’s best interest… ah, fuck that, I just wanted to get away from Hollywood which is so freakin’ boring in the summer.

But something magical happened to me on the two-hour flight up here from Burbank.

Captain Randy let me fly the plane for a bit over the mountains and it was just so beautiful that I actually started to smile. And I decided then and there to try and make this week a POSITIVE experience.

Over the past few years (2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013), I was so negative about the pointlessness of the whole week, that I didn’t even try to have a good attitude.

(I mean, seriously, it is hard to have a good attitude when the planned events include the Mogolympics, Burning Mogul – and who could forget 2012’s acid trip experiment – see right.)

But none of that this year, I am going to be a willing participant no matter how stupid the activity.

I may even try to drum up a little business for the studio.

We haven’t done any major deals in a while and we’re just sitting on a bunch of cash which I really haven’t found any use for (except for a few personal real estate transactions).

One deal that definitely won’t happen, Manka Bros. will not buy DreamWorks Animation so stop with the texts, Katzenberg – though I will keep the champagne you sent to my room.

So, I have a arrived – one of the first ones here as always. As I sip my champagne (not the first of the day – I had a couple of belts on the plane) while dictating this blog over the phone to my assistant, I am genuinely excited about what is to come.

There are great changes happening in our business – even though my mogul brethren and I hate to acknowledge it – and we must embrace these changes or die.

We don’t want the dorks from Oculus Rift taking over the store.

WE will continue to produce and control the best content known to man (and wo-man) and no one is going to take that away from us.

Movie studios have always been the incubators of the world’s greatest creative minds and NOT relic-filled museums.

But I digress so that I may drink.

I understand the best bartender on the planet, Bin Tran is back at his post in The Drankin’ Hole after taking last year off (family emergency my ass).

Things are already looking up.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – I wonder whose job it is to make sure Marissa Mayer doesn’t sleep through dinner tonight?

May 29, 2014

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Kevin Reilly A Job

It has been brought to my attention that Kevin Reilly – the futurist former head of the Fox Broadcasting Company – has been forcibly removed from his post and is now looking forward to forcibly spending “more time with his family.”

Rupert Murdoch, my old friend, you have made a grave mistake.

Kevin Reilly had the balls to bring us such shows as…

(I don’t really know, can someone in Media Research fill in the rest of this sentence – he must have done something, right?)

Did Fox do “Barney Miller”?

He has also done tons of other really important shit (again, Research, help me out).

Anyway, Kevin, I speak directly to you now – I love that you wanted to eliminate pilot season.

I, personally, have decided to eliminate the development process. We just go directly to series based on first drafts.

Anyone who writes in complete sentences knows more than Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group), so why would we want him to read scripts and make notes. What the fuck does he know? He was a Radio Shack cashier before he won that goddamned reality show contest which made him the head of the Television Group.

But I digress…

Kevin, seriously, you can take any job you want. Over-the-Top networks are pretty trendy right now. We could give you money to make little videos for YouTube. That’s cool, right?

Or you could produce shit for Manka Broadway. Or publish books in our book division. Or even sell branded socks in Consumer Products.

Whatever job you want – you can have. Except mine. And except Lloyd Grohl.

You could even have a Board seat. We are so ready to dump Diahann Carroll it’s not even funny.

Think about it, Kevin. This is the best offer you will get.

Everyone else is doomed to fail.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company