Bob Iger gets up at 5:30 every morning to hang upside-down from a bar like a bat.
I’m not a whack job like he is – I sleep until a normal hour.
But I got up like an idiot expecting to hear that Manka Bros. had received several Academy Award nominations.
But no – not a one.
Not even some bullshit nomination like visual effects or something.
I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t care about this shit.
Little awards given by little people – everyone’s so fucking happy.
The Golden Globes are one thing – seriously who cares about that bunch chain smoking, disco-holics?
But the Academy Awards is where our business is supposed to celebrate the best of the best.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CELEBRATE THE BEST OF THE BEST WITHOUT MANKA BROS.!!?
We didn’t freakin’ make “Flaccid Trip” for its big box office potential.
We’re making 157 comic book movies over the next 35 years to make money – you idiots!
We made “Flaccid Trip” to win Academy Awards.
It’s called a “prestige picture.”
Take a look:
See what I mean?
I’m calling this the biggest snub at Academy Awards since the Manka Bros. film “Two-Legged Race” wasn’t nominated in 1950.
This has been a rough week for us.
It seems we are getting MAJOR push-back from various governments and other studios at our proposal to build a Manka Fun Park in Yemen due to the whole terrorist thing going on there.
Um – you know, for the record “Je Suis Charlie” – okay? I’m not at all sympathetic to those murderers – okay?
The good people of Yemen (I’m sure there are some) are desperate for roller coasters and funny characters dressed up in costumes. Not everyone in that country is a terrorist.
I think this video lays out our plans pretty well.
See – completely non-offensive and something like this could really change the attitude of the terrorists over there.
At Manka Bros., we’re freakin’ trying to change the world for the better.
Get the fuck out of our way!
Finally, it seems the real life ex-Yankee baseball great Bucky Dent is trying to stop us from going forward with a hilarious new sitcom called “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent” – just look at how fantastic this table read is.
He could make millions (if we gave him a piece of the show which I’m fully convinced we DON’T have to do and don’t plan to do):
So, in light these horrible things (plus many others that I won’t mention) that seem to be happening to us every day – I urge the Academy to reconsider and nominate “Flaccid Trip” for Best Picture and all other major awards.
If you don’t, I will start my own competing Award Show to air opposite your little pageant which will effectively bring you down.
Choose wisely, my (ex) friends.