It has been brought to my attention that Kevin Reilly – the futurist former head of the Fox Broadcasting Company – has been forcibly removed from his post and is now looking forward to forcibly spending “more time with his family.”
Rupert Murdoch, my old friend, you have made a grave mistake.
Kevin Reilly had the balls to bring us such shows as…
(I don’t really know, can someone in Media Research fill in the rest of this sentence – he must have done something, right?)
Did Fox do “Barney Miller”?
He has also done tons of other really important shit (again, Research, help me out).
Anyway, Kevin, I speak directly to you now – I love that you wanted to eliminate pilot season.
I, personally, have decided to eliminate the development process. We just go directly to series based on first drafts.
Anyone who writes in complete sentences knows more than Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group), so why would we want him to read scripts and make notes. What the fuck does he know? He was a Radio Shack cashier before he won that goddamned reality show contest which made him the head of the Television Group.
But I digress…
Kevin, seriously, you can take any job you want. Over-the-Top networks are pretty trendy right now. We could give you money to make little videos for YouTube. That’s cool, right?
Or you could produce shit for Manka Broadway. Or publish books in our book division. Or even sell branded socks in Consumer Products.
Whatever job you want – you can have. Except mine. And except Lloyd Grohl.
You could even have a Board seat. We are so ready to dump Diahann Carroll it’s not even funny.
Think about it, Kevin. This is the best offer you will get.
Everyone else is doomed to fail.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company