Ben Silverman – Chairman's Blog

July 7, 2022June 8, 2023

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 3 – The Elon Has Landed

Today, was a day in Sun Valley unlike any we’ve ever seen.

Over the years, we’ve had Mogulympics.

We’ve had the horror of Burning Mogul.

We’ve had a group Acid Trip.

We’ve had a Build A Bike session.

We’ve had harrowing white water raft trips in which many of us were close to dying.

We put on a production of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

We’ve had a speech from my daughter, Connie, about how Gen Z was coming to destroy old Hollywood’s business.

And we did a disastrous Improv Night.

I could go on and on – just look at the archive posts at the bottom of this post for examples.

But, I can now say, nothing was as weird and pathetic as what happened tonight.

To set the stage…

Elon Musk arrived in Sun Valley tonight.

His Space X / flying Tesla car rocket landed on a barge on the Duck Pond which was cleared by Sun Valley Lodge Security. Supposedly, all the ducks were put in a neutral area (or in a cooking pot claimed off-the-record from a couple of intern kitchen workers on social media).

Once he landed, it wasn’t the pending Twitter acquisition he wanted to talk about, or the mounting criticism about his politics – he wanted to talk about a play he had written.

A play set on Mars.

He described it as “Our Town” but set on Mars amongst the first settlers there.

Elon Musk: It’s called “My Mars” (based on a play by a non-futurist socialist without a clue how the world works).

Why he decided to take a shot at a long-dead Thornton Wilder at a conference for billionaires is beyond me – but he still did it.

His condition on coming to Sun Valley was that this play would be mounted with some of the moguls as actors and Herb Allen agreed.

This play was written by Elon Musk. (Based on a play written by a ‘dead white guy’ – Elon’s description.)

Directed by Elon Musk.

Produced by Elon Musk.

The role of the Stage Manager to be played by… Elon Musk.

I later learned there were billionaire Hollywood and Silicon Valley moguls who had been rehearsing this play in a secret location for weeks and it was to be performed tonight in the “Great Hall of The Moguls” (Ballroom B).

The food and drink for the audience was going to be things that would survive on Mars without spoiling after several months of space flight – Cheetos, Slim Jims, and Jim Beam.

These were not bad alternatives considering how horrible Herb Allen’s BBQ & Smores-toporia was… which was our lunch.

Those of us not in the play were brought to the ballroom around 7:30.

The set was bare – floor painted red (for Mars) and just a few “Mars” rocks placed around some taping on the stage to give the actors directions. There was a painted backdrop with the solar system behind with a center focus of the planet Earth.

Elon Musk was sitting on a Mars rock reading a virtual book, ignoring the audience.

The Jim Beam and beef jerky were very popular and the audience was getting quite loose.

At exactly 8:00 – everything went BLACK.

And then it went RED.

And then a pin spot on Elon – reading. He looked up, surprised.

Elon Musk: Oh, hello… I didn’t see you there. I wasn’t expecting an audience tonight. I was just reading “The Martian Chronicles” by Ray Bradbury. Funny stuff. Kind of a joke, really. Would you… like to know what life is really like on Mars?

With that line, several of the Tech and Hollywood moguls came onto the stage.

No reaction from the billionaires in attendance. A couple of coughs and more drinking and bored doom scrolling on their phones.

John Stankey of AT&T in overalls and a Mars oxygen helmet.

John Stankey: Over there is the rock were I live in my oxygen powered sleeping bag and eat my rations. Mars is incredible!

Elon Musk: Here on Mars we keep to ourselves. Brian Roberts doesn’t have to worry about cable prices or churn, he just has to worry about supply chain and whether the next rocket will make it with the food needed to survive.

Brian Roberts: But, of course, it will make it – it’s a Space X rocket, right?

Elon Music: Of course, your Tang is on its way!

This went on and on and on and on… but because he was worth over $100 million (not counting recent plunges) Herb Allen wouldn’t pull the plug.

But a few of us had to leave.

Me and the Bobs from Disney split – as well as almost all Hollywood moguls.

The others, who thought they needed Elon in some way down the line, I suppose, had to sit there.

The rest of the night was me, Barry Diller, Rupert Murdoch, Bob Iger and a couple other older moguls sitting in the bar and lamenting that there was once a time when we released big summer movies that made a lot of money which made it very easy to take August off in Hawaii.

Those days appear to be over.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 1 – The New Guard… Not!

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 2 – Shit Storm

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2021

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2019

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2018

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2010

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2009

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2008

July 6, 2022July 6, 2022

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 2 – Shit Storm

This is Day 2 of what the press now regularly call “Herb Allen’s Summer Camp For Moguls.”

I’ve been thinking all day about the term “Shit Storm” (mostly because the all day panels about supply chain and how to lead in a crisis have been… shit.)

We say that term a lot in society but I’ve never really thought about it… literally.

Imagine you’re in a thunder storm – raining, thunder, lightning – but instead of rain… it’s SHIT that’s coming down on you from the sky and it just keeps coming. You are being pounded with shit.

This is what a SHIT STORM is.

And, I imagine, it’s not a pleasant experience.

That’s kind of where we are on Day 2 in Sun Valley.

This week in July on the mogul calendar is meant to be a week where we feel we are all so fucking important that we actually feel good about ourselves and what we have chosen to do with our lives.

The truth is, in Hollywood (as I mentioned in my drunken Day 1 commentary), the moguls in Hollywood are getting older and the moguls in tech seem to be getting younger (sounds like a Matthew McConaughey line from ‘Dazed & Confused’).

This is a problem.

And, as I mentioned last night, the young executives at Manka Bros. keep leaving for “better jobs” at “better companies.”

Fuck them.

I have to stay to keep the lights on. We’ve been in business for over 100 years and we sure the fuck aren’t shutting down just because… [Manka Bros. lawyer note: “Rest of sentence has been purged from the blog.”]

My daughter, Connie (but on the Board of Directors), is only 14 and probably too young to take over the family firm and my CFO (currently my #2) Barb Gonzalez is a machine in which we use A.I. technology to do her job.

Hollywood is in trouble.

And to top it off, we can’t even make this a decent vacation – free from the worries of the shit storm outside of the shit storm. This was the breakfast this morning – which they called the “Warren Buffett.”

Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 2 – The Warren Buffett

After breakfast, a few moguls ran, a few moguls road bikes, a few moguls played golf, many were walking fast past reporters acting like they were on the phone.

Oh, think twice, it’s just another day for you and me in mogul-dice.

What was lacking… was substance. And if you look at the Manka Bros. Film Library from the past 100 years – you would know Manka Bros. has always been about about substance.

The biggest problem with this conference I’ve seen over the years is that the Hollywood people hang out with Hollywood people, the nerds hang out with nerds, the dorks hang out with dorks. There doesn’t seem to be a brotherhood or sisterhood of billionaires. We’re all in different clubs.

Which brings me back to Trivia Night on Day 1. I teased that if nothing exciting happened on Day 2 – I would write about Day 1 trivia at Tha Drankin’ Hole.

Herb Allen’s Trivia Night – Sun Valley Conference 2022

It did not disappoint (on a shit storm scale):

Barry Diller thought the capital of Arkansas was “Bum Fuck.”

Mark Zuckerberg thought a quart of orange juice cost $50.

Rupert Murdoch thought the current Australian prime minister’s name was “my bitch.”

Jeffrey Katzenberg opined that the battle for freedom in America starts with the Malibu City Council.

On the plus side, almost everyone knew the latest Gulfstream was the Gulfstream 800.

But it all came down to one question and Peter Thiel could have won the whole thing for the “Tech” side when asked the question: “Who won the 2020 U.S. Presidential Election?” Thiel – without pause – said “Donald Trump.”

With that answer, Tech lost to “liberal” Hollywood.

Who knows what Day 3 will bring – but I promise you this, it will be another SHIT STORM.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 1 – The New Guard… Not!

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2021

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2019

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2018

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2010

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2009

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2008

September 21, 2018December 19, 2018

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Bob Greenblatt A Job

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor Kaufman, Bob Greenblatt

Good afternoon from the Seychelles! I’ll be back in Burbank soon – so stop asking.

So – it appears Bob Greenblatt is leaving NBC because a) He needs another challenge; b) Life isn’t interesting anymore and he needs to climb a fucking mountain; c) I got enough money, ho; or d) He’d really like a chance to turn around Manka Bros.’ MBS network.

I know for a fact the answer is d) because running MBS is the ultimate job in television. The crown jewel in a town where most jewels are borrowed and bullshit.

MBS, as we all know (I don’t need to give everyone a fucking history lesson), was the first television network in history – which was born from the first radio network in history.

MBS is truly the reason all us all here today, making millions in Hollywood for putting out a (in general) sub-par product..

But, that said, even the greatest sucks ass on occasion (I mean, look at Jimmy Stewart and Mohammed Ali!).

MBS currently sucks ass – and needs new leadership.

You, Bob, are that leadership. If you’re looking for a new challenge in life – this is fucking it.

I mean there are challenges – like a cure for Alzheimers which, in my opinion, is doable – and there are CHALLENGES – like turning around the fucking lame ass MBS television network.

Come on, Bob, you can do this!

We can do live musicals – “Rampage Of The Stegosaur” or “Gulag” come to mind.

We can move forward with one of my favorite pilots over the years “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent.”

Regardless of all this great IP, what we really need at MBS is leadership.

I can’t do it all. I’ve got the world’s largest media company to run – just taking over a measly TV network would be a bullshit job for me.

But not for you. You’re good at that, Bob.

So, my offer is this… a job. A good job… for good money.

Good Hollywood money.

I’m not talking Ohio money – I’m talking Hollywood money!

Let’s talk.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – If you’re leaving for difficult, personal reasons, I apologize and wish you nothing but the best.

June 5, 2017

Manka Bros. To Resume Theatrical Tentpole Strategy

Good afternoon.

After announcing last week that Manka Bros. would be abandoning its tentpole strategy to focus on lower budget, more interesting films, I have decided based the insane opening of “Wonder Woman” – that we will resume our tentpole strategy at Manka Bros. Films.

I don’t know what I (and, the real people to blame, the corporate stooges who backed me up on this idea) was thinking.

Actually, I do. I was thinking “Damn, Scotch is so delicious!”

But on the long flight home from the Seychelles, I came to the conclusion that it’s impossible to craft a solid theatrical production and distribution strategy after drinking a bottle of Scotch 10,000 miles away from the office.

So… here’s the drill…

The folks at Manka Highbrow, Manka Dogme, Manka Docs, Manka Mumblecore and Manka Ultra should continue to produce the crap that you a-holes pump out every year.

The tentpole movies from Manka Bros. Films (mostly MC Comics and the Magpie franchise) that were deep in development should be picked up again (I hope you didn’t delete all the files!), and those movies that were pushed out of production should resume shooting immediately.

Those expecting to have free time this weekend, should cancel any plans and work work work instead.

If anyone brings up my previous blog in front of me, you will be fired.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 5, 2016January 5, 2016

Why Is Everyone So F-ing Proud To Have “Cut The Cord”?

Allen & Company retreat, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Carol Bartz, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Gina Bianchini, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company, Chase Carey, James Murdoch, Elisabeth Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Jim Gianopulos, Joel Klein, Jon Miller, Steve Burke, Michael Angelakis, Leslie Moonves, Philippe Dauman, Jeff Bewkes, John Martin, Howard Stringer, Rob Wiesenthal, Michael Lynton, John Malone, Greg Maffei, Haim Saban, David Zaslav, John Hendricks, Mike White, Edgar Bronfman, Len Blavatnik, Tim Armstrong, Peter Chernin, Tom Freston, Carol Bartz, Jerry Yang, Mark Pincus, Owen Van Natta, Brian Roberts, Jason Kilar, Wayne Willich, Reid Hoffman, Harvey Weinstein, Diane Von Furstenberg, Andrew Mason, Jason Kilar, Ben Horowitz, Gina Bianchini, Mark Pincus, Ali Pincus, Robert Wiesenthal, Tom Freston, Bing Gordon, Bill Gates, Chris Christie, Martin Sorrell, Eric Lefkofsky, Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Bezos, Tim Cook, Cory Booker, Michael Bloomberg, Joel Klein, Lachlan Murdoch, James Murdoch, Bobby Kotick, Marc Andreessen, Peter Thiel, Dick Costolo, Ross Levinsoh, Paul Sagan, Leslie Moonves, Tim Armstrong, Glenn Britt, Donald Graham, Kazuo Hirai, Howard Stringer, Jae-Yong Lee, Bryan Lourd, Ron Meyer, Brad Grey, Edmund Lee, Anthony Palazzo, John Malone, Chris Silbermann, Jim Berkus, Roger Goodell, David Stern, Chris Christie, Julius Genachowski, Erin Burnett, Charlie Rose, Becky Quick, Todd Davidson, Reed Hastings, Terry Semel, Jerry Yang, Ken Allen, Laurene Powell Jobs, Jean-Bernard Levy, Lucian Grainge, Jonathan Boyar, Mark Pincus, Michael Lynton, Mandy Tavakol, Mario Monti, Dave DeVoe, John Martin, Brian Roberts, David Zaslav, Mel Karmazin, Carol Bartz, Scott Thompson, Jason Kilar, King Abdullah II, Queen Rania, Queen Noor, #sv12, #Sunvalley2012, #allenco, Robert Johnson, Anne Sweeney, Brian Grazer, Michael Ovitz, Hiroshi Mikitani, Owen Van Natta, Don Mattrick

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS?!!

I talked to so many people over the Holidays in Gstaad – all telling me they “no longer have television. We finally cut the cord!” And they all seem so f-ing happy and proud of themselves.

Why is everyone so happy to see the television business fall apart!!?

Do you nutjobs realize what this means for me and my company?

We have thousands of employees (granted, most suck at their jobs or we wouldn’t be in this position) who have kids and parents and dogs – and they all need to be fed.

You happy little cord cutters are destroying many lives and should be ashamed of yourself.

And, frankly, you’re doing yourselves (and your children, parents and dogs) a disservice.

Now go watch the new season of Forensics on MBS and stop causing problems.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios

January 15, 2015June 3, 2015

Again, F The Academy Awards

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben Silverman, Colin Firth, Harrison Ford, Jake Gyllenhaal, Laura Linney, James McAvoy, Mo'Nique, Julianne Moore, Christoph Waltz, Colleen Atwood, Milena Canonero, Betsy Heimann, Judianna Mokovsky, Ha Nguyen, Ken Adam, Rick Carter, Lilly Kilvert, Rusty Smith, George DeTitta, K.C. Fox, nancy Haigh, Leslie Pope, Sandy Reynolds Wasco, Russ Alsobrook, Robbie Greenberg, Julio Macat, Hiro Narita, Amelia Vincent, Wes Anderson, Roger Corman, Lasse Hallstrom, Mike Leigh, Errol Morris, Lone Scherfig, Joe Berlinger, Liz Garbus, Alex Gibney, Mark Lewis, Julia Reichert, Michael Barker, Peter Chernin, Camela Galano, Brad Grey, Lisa Henson, Bill Mechanic, Robert Shaye, Patrick Wachsberger, David Brenner, Lisa Zeno Churgin, Lynzee Klingman, Michael Tronick, Billy Weber, Lois Burwell, David Marti, Montse Ribe, Ve Neill, Aldo Signoretti, Kazuhiro Tsuji, Bryan Adams, Eric Clapton, The Edge, Michael Giacchino, Suzana Peric, Dean Pitchford, Arthur Cohn, Eric Fellner, Samuel Goldwyn, Charles Roven, Jennifer Todd, Suzanne Todd, Duncan Clark, Therese Curtin, Rob Friedman, Nancy Utley, Jochen Alexander Freydank, Martin McDonagh, Dean Parisot, Signe Baumane, Sharon Calahan, Pete Docter, Chris Landreth, Bill Plympton, Wendy Tilby, Chris Wedge, Karen Baker Landers, Willie Burton, Benjamin Burtt, Anthony Ciccolini, Mary Jo Lang, Virginia Cook-McGown, Dean Zupancic, Eric Brevig, John Frazier, Michele Moen, Mark Stetson, Hoyt Yeatman, Hossein Amini, Judd Apatow, Guillermo Arriaga, Diablo Cody, Geoffrey Fletcher, Christopher Hampton, Robin Swicord, Grover Crisp, Ray Dolby, Sarah Halley Finn, Ron Stein, Beverly Joanna Wood, Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Hudson, Wes Studi, Michelle Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Lisa Cholodenko, Christopher Nolan, John Singleton, Kathleen Bennett, Bono, T Bone Burnett, Pablo Helman, Van Ling, Helena Packer, Lynzee Klingman, Demian Bichir, George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Kenneth Branagh, Jonah Hill, Nick Nolte, Christopher Plummer, Max Von Sydow, Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Berenice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer, Octavia Spencer, Alain Gognol, Jean-Loup Felicioli, Fernando Trueba, Javier Mariscal, Jennifer Yuh Nelson, Chris Miller, Gore Verbinski, Robert Gould, Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan, Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo, Anne Seibel, Helene Dubreuil, Rick Carter, Lee Sandales, Guillaume Schiffman, Jeff Cronenweth, Robert Richardson, Emmanuel Lubezki, Janusz Kaminski, Lisy Christl, Mark Bridges, Sandy Powell, Michael O'Connor, Arianne Phillips, Michel Hazanavicius, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Terrence Malick, Danfung Dennis, Mike Lerner, Marhsal Curry, Sam Cullman, Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky, Wim Wenders, Gian-Piero Ringel, TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay, Richard Middlemas, Robin Fryday, Gail Dolgin, Rebecca Cammisa, Julie Anderson, James Spione, Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, Lucy Walker, Kira Carstensen, Anne-Sophie Bion, Kevin Tent, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Thelma Schoonmaker, Christopher Tellefesn, Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston, Matthew Mungle, Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight, Lisa Tomblin, Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland, John Williams, Ludovic Bource, Howard Shore, Alberto Iglesias, Bret McKenzie, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, Siedah Garrett, Thomas Langmann, Jim Burke, Jim Taylor, Scott Rudin, Brunson Green, Chris Columbus, Michael Barnathan, Graham King, Letty Aronson, Stephen Tenenbaum, Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz, Kathleen Kennedy, Patrick Doyon, William Joyce, Brandon Oldenburg, Enrico Casarosa, Grant Orchard, Sue Goffe, Amanda Forbis, Wendy Tilby, Peter McDonald, Eimear O'Kane, Max Zahle, Stefan Gieren, Terry George, Oorlagh George, Andrew Bowler, Gigi Causey, Hallvar Witzo, Lon Bender, Victor Ray Ennis, Ren Kylce, Philip Stockton, Eugene Gearty, Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl, Richard Hymns, Gary Rydstrom, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce, Bo Persson, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley, Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, David Giammarco, Ed Novick, Greg Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey Haboush, Peter Devlin, Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson, Stuart Wilson, Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler, John Richardson, Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman, Alex Henning, Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor, Swen Gillberg, Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White, Daniel Barrett, Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler, John Frazier, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, John Logan, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan, Annie Mumolo, Kristin Wiig, J.C. Chandor, Asghar Farhadi

I can’t believe I got up at 5:30 this morning for nothing.

Bob Iger gets up at 5:30 every morning to hang upside-down from a bar like a bat.

I’m not a whack job like he is – I sleep until a normal hour.

But I got up like an idiot expecting to hear that Manka Bros. had received several Academy Award nominations.

But no – not a one.

Not even some bullshit nomination like visual effects or something.

I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t care about this shit.

Little awards given by little people – everyone’s so fucking happy.

The Golden Globes are one thing – seriously who cares about that bunch chain smoking, disco-holics?

But the Academy Awards is where our business is supposed to celebrate the best of the best.

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CELEBRATE THE BEST OF THE BEST WITHOUT MANKA BROS.!!?

We didn’t freakin’ make “Flaccid Trip” for its big box office potential.

We’re making 157 comic book movies over the next 35 years to make money – you idiots!

We made “Flaccid Trip” to win Academy Awards.

Capisce?

It’s called a “prestige picture.”

Take a look:

See what I mean?

I’m calling this the biggest snub at Academy Awards since the Manka Bros. film “Two-Legged Race” wasn’t nominated in 1950.

This has been a rough week for us.

It seems we are getting MAJOR push-back from various governments and other studios at our proposal to build a Manka Fun Park in Yemen due to the whole terrorist thing going on there.

Um – you know, for the record “Je Suis Charlie” – okay? I’m not at all sympathetic to those murderers – okay?

The good people of Yemen (I’m sure there are some) are desperate for roller coasters and funny characters dressed up in costumes. Not everyone in that country is a terrorist.

I think this video lays out our plans pretty well.

See – completely non-offensive and something like this could really change the attitude of the terrorists over there.

At Manka Bros., we’re freakin’ trying to change the world for the better.

Get the fuck out of our way!

Finally, it seems the real life ex-Yankee baseball great Bucky Dent is trying to stop us from going forward with a hilarious new sitcom called “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent” – just look at how fantastic this table read is.

He could make millions (if we gave him a piece of the show which I’m fully convinced we DON’T have to do and don’t plan to do):

So, in light these horrible things (plus many others that I won’t mention) that seem to be happening to us every day – I urge the Academy to reconsider and nominate “Flaccid Trip” for Best Picture and all other major awards.

If you don’t, I will start my own competing Award Show to air opposite your little pageant which will effectively bring you down.

Choose wisely, my (ex) friends.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 11, 2014June 4, 2015

Dear Hollywood Foreign Press – F Off

JESUS CHRIST!

Who the fuck do you have to blow or bribe in the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to getting a stupid Golden Globe nomination?!

These nominations are abominations.

“Birdman” – seriously?

“The Imitation Game”?

What the hell is a Benedict Cumberbatch! Is that a Charles Dickens book?

Did any of the chain-smoking corrupt pieces of shit see the Manka Bros. film “Flaccid Trip“?

Obviously not or it would have been nominated.

It’s six times better than “Boyhood” – sorry we didn’t “advertise” as much IFC.

Here’s a clip to remind you what a truly great film looks like:

I should have sent the screener of the film over with a prostitute, a case of Slivovitz and a few cartons of Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes.

Oh God.

I think the heads of the major studios need to get together to somehow end this constant charade of worthless award shows.

Again, the Hollywood Foreign Press can F themselves. Right in the A.

Really, HFPA, you couldn’t find ONE Manka Bros. movie or TV show to nominate this year?

Did you see the Manka Bros. Films slate or the Manka Highbrow slate?

Did you see “Severed Fingers” on MBS? Here’s a freakin’ clip!

See you at the Emmys! Oh, sorry, I’m sure they wouldn’t let you into a legitimate award show.

I’m done.

Just remember this, no matter how many times you nominate Jennifer Aniston, she’s never going to “party with you.”

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Manka Bros. is planning to produce 157 movies based on classic MC Comics characters over the next 35 years – and none of them will be submitted for Golden Globe consideration!

May 29, 2014

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Kevin Reilly A Job

It has been brought to my attention that Kevin Reilly – the futurist former head of the Fox Broadcasting Company – has been forcibly removed from his post and is now looking forward to forcibly spending “more time with his family.”

Rupert Murdoch, my old friend, you have made a grave mistake.

Kevin Reilly had the balls to bring us such shows as…

(I don’t really know, can someone in Media Research fill in the rest of this sentence – he must have done something, right?)

Did Fox do “Barney Miller”?

He has also done tons of other really important shit (again, Research, help me out).

Anyway, Kevin, I speak directly to you now – I love that you wanted to eliminate pilot season.

I, personally, have decided to eliminate the development process. We just go directly to series based on first drafts.

Anyone who writes in complete sentences knows more than Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group), so why would we want him to read scripts and make notes. What the fuck does he know? He was a Radio Shack cashier before he won that goddamned reality show contest which made him the head of the Television Group.

But I digress…

Kevin, seriously, you can take any job you want. Over-the-Top networks are pretty trendy right now. We could give you money to make little videos for YouTube. That’s cool, right?

Or you could produce shit for Manka Broadway. Or publish books in our book division. Or even sell branded socks in Consumer Products.

Whatever job you want – you can have. Except mine. And except Lloyd Grohl.

You could even have a Board seat. We are so ready to dump Diahann Carroll it’s not even funny.

Think about it, Kevin. This is the best offer you will get.

Everyone else is doomed to fail.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

March 12, 2014March 12, 2014

Profits Up – Time For Cuts

Good morning.

As many of you know, Manka Bros. had an excellent 2013 (mainly from the asbestos lawsuit payout from the state [yeah, baby!] and increased attendance at our Manka Fun Parks due to the new Animaltered Attractions in Des Moines and Halifax).

Because of our good fortune and superior senior management (with the exception of Jay McBee in the Television Group), we, unfortunately, must make some severe cuts in order to continue to grow.

Many of the overhead cuts we must make will certainly impact many lives (because you won’t be getting paid anymore and we live in a society where money is important), but those affected can take comfort in the fact that because they lost their job, Manka Bros. will continue to thrive.

I will leave it to the divisional heads to make the ultimate decision on who and how many get cut put here is a percentage breakdown of the mandatory cuts:

MANKA BROS. THEATRICAL GROUP:

Manka Bros. Films: Great looking 2014 Film Slate (great work, Robin!) should be a solid year [20% ACROSS THE BOARD CUT]

Manka Highbrow: Another solid slate for 2014. Small films can be profitable as long as we cut cut cut! [15% CUT]

Manka Dogme: No cuts – love that Barbecue movie!

Manka Docs: Moving to an acquisition only strategy [EVERYONE IN PRODUCTION CUT]

Manka Mumblecore: Launching division in 2nd Quarter [30% CUT]

MANKA BROS. TELEVISION GROUP:

MBS: Broadcast is dying, our management sucks and we need MUCH better programming – [40% CUT IN DEVELOPMENT]

Manka Business Channel: Must relaunch with a new political leaning – [100% OF LIBERALS CUTS – FISCAL CONSERVATIVES HIRED TO REPLACE]

Manka Classic Movies: Doing great – subs and subscriber fees are up. [20% CUT – but that’s only 2 people – 10 people run that whole channel!]

Manka Legends, Manka Memories, Manka Food & Drink Channel and Manka Sports Network [NO CUTS – ALL ARE RELAUNCHING]

MANKA MUSIC GROUP:

NO CUTS! The Music Industry is incredibly healthy! Thanks to Seamus and Mac McCord for excellent album launches!

MANKA PUBLISHING GROUP:

Manka Books and Mankazines: You don’t need me to tell you how fucked you are – you can either CUT yourselves or wait until somebody comes around to your cubicle but it will happen at some point (unless you work on the few blockbuster titles/authors we have remaining.

OTHER BUSINESSES:

Manka Kids and Manka Fun Parks: No cuts yet – formulating new strategy/expansion plans.

Manka Broadway: Will evaluate after the opening of “Rampage of the Stegosaur – The Musical.”

Corporate has recommended to me that no cuts be made in Corporate.

I’ll go along with that for now – but I’ll be watching!

——————–

So that’s it.

Get to work making those cuts.

After the task is complete, I’ll have some sort of barbecue or party at my house for those who are left.

Looking forward to a very bright future!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 28, 2014December 28, 2022

Manka Bros. Acquires Film Rights To Checkers – 3 Films Planned

Amy Mcgee, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Brooks Addicott, Casey De la Rosa, Derek Cianfrance, Elizabeth Leidt, FilmBuff, Harvey Weinstein, James Schamus, Jeff Schamus, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Cooper, John Sloss, John Wells, Julieta Esteban, Khan Manka, Krissy Bailey, Kristina Parker, Lauren Larson, Lisa Cholodenko, Maggie Sowell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Melissa Ventura, Peter Rice, Ricki Stern, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Epstein, Robert Redford, Rosie Wong, Shari Springer Berman, Spencer Susser, Tatiana Tensen, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company, Checkers, The LEGO Movie, Minecraft

2023 Update: After eight long years of development and millions spent on script draft after script draft, Manka Bros. has decided to abandon this ambitious project which had the promise of upending “Avatar” as biggest movie franchise ever. Unfortunately, we hired some shitty writers. The rights are now reverted back to… ‘public domain.’ Good luck to the losers to try to take on this turkey.

———————————–

Great news!

Following the enormous success of “The LEGO Movie” and the announcement that Warner Bros. has acquired the rights to “Minecraft,” Manka Bros., after an intense negotiation, has acquired the worldwide media rights to Checkers.

That’s right the game we all played as kids (full disclosure – I didn’t play it, I thought it was too boring and stupid).

Since the property is in the public domain and basically anyone can make a movie based on the game, our tough negotiation resulted in us taking the game OUT of the public domain.

So now only Manka Bros. can make a movie based on checker pieces and the checker board.

We are also going to develop a TV series spin-off and games based on the game – as well as consumer product tie-ins and, potentially, a Broadway show.

We will not, however, be allowed to use the phrase “King Me” or “Queen Me” – so we will use the words “Khan Me,” instead.

To start, three movies (either live-action or animated) are being developed simultaneously and will be shot back-to-back-to-back (directors and writers TBD).

Part 1 will be the Checkers origin story

Part 2 will be the middle section of the story

Part 3 will be end part of the trilogy

A big congratulations to Robin Rafe and her team for beating out the other studios. They are really going to regret not going after this one!

We have put a stake in the ground to open the first movie the weekend of September 16, 2016. We should have the weekend to ourselves (with the exception of some crappy Harvey Weinstein-type shit that nobody else wanted).

To all my friends in the industry who are enjoying their Academy Awards weekend – fuck you.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company