Mrs. Aldrich is absolutely sick of THOSE DAMN KIDS!
It’s bad enough she has go to the doctor three times a week and take a bag full of pills each day just to have the strength to watch television, but THOSE DAMN KIDS keep tormenting her with footballs in our shrubs and bicycles that crush her precious rose bushes.
There’s only so much old people can stomach before we take the law into our own hands! If it means I have to shoot and torture some of THOSE DAMN KIDS, I just might have to do it.
I’m an old man. I’ve lived a long time and I know when all this hooliganism started. It was the day marijuana came into this country. Brought over by the dope smoking Chinese after Chiang Kai-shek lost the war to the Communists. Ever since then THOSE DAMN KIDS have been HIGH ON POT.
Confucius was wrong when he said, ‘He who stands on the toilet gets high on pot.’ I say, he who smokes reefer gets high on pot – and gets so high on pot that they treat old people like a fist full of maggots.
Well, listen up, sonny boys and sonny girls, THERE’S GOING TO BE A REVOLUTION and it’s going to be started by the OCTOGENARIANS of this country! If it means a lot of blood is spilled, then so be it.
But by God, we’re going to take this country back!
Historians will analyze the revolution and write, ‘I think we could have stopped all the carnage and loss of life if THOSE DAMN KIDS would have stayed off my fucking lawn!”
I’ll talk at you next week…
Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids