Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Rio Olympics, Ryan Lochte

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Ryan Lochte A Job

Good afternoon from the Seychelles!

Summer vacation is winding down and my booze cabinet is getting low. The Seychelles needs more places you can buy alcohol – or, hell, just a Costco or a BevMo or some such shit. I’ve having to dig into my airplane stash.

The beauty of being a global media company is that we are able to make deals from wherever we are, all over the world, any time of day.

I’ve been following the Olympics via my Slingbox (NBCenough with the 800 meter and hurdle semi-finals – how many can there be?!!!). [Side note: Germany please destroy Brazil in the men’s soccer finals. Brazilian fans are jerks – thank you.]

It would be really great to see more of the events – but all I’ve been seeing lately is Ryan “Freakin'” Lochte. Granted, calling someone “freakin'” in the same blog that you’re offering that person a job probably isn’t the best negotiating tactic – but, let’s be serious, that dude is going to have no other offers other than from porn companies.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Ryan Lochte, Rio Olympics, Flaccid Trip

So here goes: Ryan Lochte, your (heavily damaged) ship has come in! Manka Bros., the world’s largest media company, would like to offer you a job (and I’m sure we won’t have to hold a gun to your head to get you to accept… JOKE!).

I’m not sure yet what you would do for us. We are a world-class entertainment company that produces the world’s best movies, television shows and games. What can an aging swimmer do for us?

I’m thinking for starters you could be our “Apologist In Chief.” Sometimes we produce movies and shows where the end product isn’t exactly what we imagined when we first greenlit the project.

When / if that happens, we could produce a video with you [Ryan Lochte] in which you would say: “Hi, I’m Ryan Lochte and I apologize for ‘Flaccid Trip’… it’s really terrible and I take full responsibility.”

Stuff like that.

Or… we could make you the head of our television group. The guy that’s there now, Jay McBee, really sucks. (That’s right, Jay, you are on alert, my friend!)

Think about it, Ryan. Think about it. It will be a much better gig than a local commercial in Fresno for Just Tires.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

 

One comment

  1. Bobbo · August 19

    Prick doesn’t deserve any job even one as lame as this one.