Jerry Yang: Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer You A Job

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Carol Bartz, Roy Bostock, Patti Hart, Sue James, Vyomesh Joshi, David Kenny, Arthur Kern, Brad Smith, Gary Wilson, Jerry Yang, Blake Irving, Ross Levinsohn, Rose Tsou, Rich Riley, Tim Morse, Michael J. Callahan, David Dibble, David Filo, Dr. Prabhakar Roghavan, Jeff Russakow, Elisa Steele, David WindleyGood afternoon.

I was just made aware by one of my assistants that Jerry Yang (founder and Chief Yahoo! of Yahoo! – whatever the fuck that means) is leaving the company.

I guess the Board of Directors and the Shareholders finally got their way and successfully shoved him out.

As someone who is constantly being told to leave my own company due to poor performance, I can empathize with Jerry.

My only question is, why didn’t they shove him out after he stupidly refused Microsoft’s $32/share offer to buy Yahoo!?

But no matter – I’m not here to shit on his grave and piss on his legacy.  I’m here to offer him a job.

Manka Bros. is the world’s largest media company and can offer a decent salary, dental, medical, life and dismemberment insurance package (God forbid you get dismembered sitting at a desk) that rivals all the other studios in Hollywood (except maybe Disney – you get free Disneyland admission when you work there – that’s a $10,000 value… per trip).

So – Jerry – I know you’re reeling right now and probably worried about where your next paycheck is coming from.  But worry no more – your next paycheck is coming from Manka Bros.

You can basically pick which area you would like to work in (except in our online group – your track record is pretty spotty there).

I would be happy to replace any of the suck ass senior executives that are currently running the various divisions.  They’re all terrible at their jobs (off the record – no, fuck it – ON the record).

Give me a call at my office at your earliest convenience so we can discuss a start date.

FYI, I will be leaving for the Davos World Economic Forum in a couple of days where I will be giving yet another keynote address – so get back to me before then.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO (& Chief Yahoo!) – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company


16 Replies to “Jerry Yang: Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer You A Job”

  1. I wouldn’t touch that guy even as a janitor. He made so many strategic mistakes over the years. He will do nothing but bring down the fine name of ‘Manka’.

  2. Funny. What this might prove is that the new Yahoo CEO is firmly in charge and that is a good thing for Yahoo. The fact that he was able to get Yang out the door is a huge plus in my opinion.

    1. I have rewritten your response, daniel. I think this is what you meant to say:
      “Khan, you are awesome. Jerry Yang is great. It’s a brilliant move on your part to offer him a job. Well done!”

  3. The corporate bureaucracy pushed Steve Jobs out of Apple in the last century and we all know how that worked out . Not saying that Yang had the quality product vision that Jobs had , just saying the bean counters are usually industry clueless & their decisions are often of ‘value’ for about 90 days .

  4. Can I get a job with you guys, I am not an x-yahoo, but as far as I know I have a yahoo email and I am afraid that my I will loose my id soon.

    I respect innovators no matter what ..

  5. EXCELLENT!!! Even if it was more of a shove than a self-confident decision…it is a good move for Yahoo! It would be a bad move for manka.

  6. Jerry Yang for sure played a big part in shaping the internet as we know it today but seem lost vision somewhere a long the way . Yahoo! future already uncertain , not sure if it is too late but unless a visionary grabs the wheel Yahoo will be just another AOL , or maybe already is! Smart move to keep him away from online.

  7. If it was at 2000: “Jerry, we’re so sorry that you’re leaving us, and thank you very much!”
    And now at 2012: “Jerry, we’re so grateful that you’re leaving us, and thank you very much!”

  8. He would be crazy not to take it. At Manka brothers you can’t mess things up more than they already are. If he went to a good company he could just mess it up more. at Manka it can’t get any more messed up. Take the job, idiot!

  9. Jerry Yang created one of the first search companies. Yahoo has always been
    profitable . Yahoo Finance is best on the net. Yahoo China and Yahoo Japan is a highly valued property. I wonder what you or your company created? Its easy to critic someone.

    1. have you seen the judges on American Idol this year? They’re terrible. It’s obviously not easy to critique someone.

  10. Funny article, Manka! Just hope your “suck ass” senior executives are not that bad. If so, let’s talk.

    Yang needed to move on LONG ago to another chapter outside Yahoo!. He and his ego needed to get unstuck. Best wishes to him. YJ said it perfectly!

    Thompson is much more than a bean counter which someone inferred. See his professional bio. He made PayPal what it is today. Good luck to him, the newly configured BOD, the shareholders who have long suffered, and to the employee base and product focus which need streamlining. Some are worried about brain drain; not an issue IMO.

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