Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Scott Thompson A Job

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Carol Bartz, Roy Bostock, Patti Hart, Sue James, Vyomesh Joshi, David Kenny, Arthur Kern, Brad Smith, Gary Wilson, Jerry Yang, Blake Irving, Ross Levinsohn, Rose Tsou, Rich Riley, Tim Morse, Michael J. Callahan, David Dibble, David Filo, Dr. Prabhakar Roghavan, Jeff Russakow, Elisa Steele, David Windley, Scott ThompsonIt seems that Silicon Valley and Wall Street are going ape shit over the fact that Scott Thompson didn’t really go to college or didn’t get a degree in whatever he said he got one in – or whatever.

At Manka Bros., we could care less about that crap and I would like to offer Scott Thompson a job.

For the record, I, Khan Manka, Jr., didn’t go to college and yet, here I am, Chairman & CEO of the World’s Largest Media Company.

Granted, my father, the asshole Harry Manka, was head of the studio until he died and legally forced me into the job after his death when I would have much rather been concentrating on drugs, girls and my band (the under-appreciated ‘King Khan’).

That said, I’ve been doing it successfully for 36 years and I can barely fucking read.

So, Scott Thompson, it’s time for you to leave those tight-assed judgmental blue-bloods in Silicon Valley and come down to Hollywood where the literacy rate is much lower and we actually go out on dates.

Former heads of Yahoo! have been a great recruiting opportunity for us here at Manka Bros., having previously offered jobs to Carol Bartz and Jerry Yang (still waiting to hear).

The job offer to you is similar – you can pretty much pick any area you want to work (except in New Media or Tech – we have a much higher education standard in place for those jobs).

I would suggest either the Theatrical or Television groups – both are sucking up a storm lately and I’ve been looking to replace Robin Rafe and Jay McBee for the past year (off the record).

The only jobs that are not available are mine and Lloyd Grohl.

Everything else is in play.

Let me know as soon as you are fired – we’d like to get you going here in the next couple of weeks.  There is a lot of shit to fix.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

16 Replies to “Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Scott Thompson A Job”

  1. Computer science degrees are worthless. I’ve hired many people in technical fields and I always have to wonder why someone had to go to college to learn the most basic things about computers and how they work. Wasted time and money (and what intelligent person would waste time and money?), and most that got the degrees were far less qualified than the average tech/programmer that just had a mind for the field. So, who…

  2. Ha ha ha ha ha! You’re right about Hollywod, Khan. Be careful what you wish for, he may actually take the job.

  3. what is even more damning for Thompson is that he didn’t immediately offer his own resignation. that tells me even more about his character. had he immediately offered to resign for the sake of the company, i might consider him to be worth defending…now its clear he’s just in it for his own payday

  4. One of the best recruiting letters I have ever read. Well done sir. He would be an idiot (oh wait, he is!) not to take this job.

  5. here is the big question can he run the company if so who cares. Who hasn’t padded their resume, I am sure we can find lies in all resumes. Degree’s are great but in the end they are only paper.

  6. Excellent. Your organization certainly deserves him. Maybe I could get a job there too. I have a degree in nuclear physics. Wait, that was a mistake. It’s political science and communications double major. Anyone could get confused, so many words and letters.

  7. Uh, yeah right. The degree or lack thereof is unimportant. His character, or lack thereof, is what is important. I agree with Mr. Clumpus – “”Your organization certainly deserves him”

  8. @Sean It’s not about whether or not the guy has a degree. The issue is that he claimed to have a degree that had (or would have) an impact on his performance running the company and he does not. IMO, I don’t care if the guy has a degree or not. What I care about is that he lied about having a degree. It’s the lie that matters.
    And in this case, he lied about having a degree that had a direct relation to the job.
    Perhaps him having said he had a degree edged out others who were in the running for the job.

  9. That was hilarious!

    He’s not worthy of you Khan. But I’ll take the job. Look what I can do…this is my media company (it’s a living room but at least my degree is real –sorta —

    Bait and Switch TV: Investigative Satire…

    See…Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Bank?: An Uncensored Investigation of the US Federal Reserve Banking Cartel–one of the most controversial institutions of our time…(Self-Serving its Country Since 1913)…

    Try SubPrimal Scream Therapy:

    Also see: The Real Housewives of Tent City (A Hot New REALITY Show—Global Depression Edition)–Spoiler Alert–this is about what the Federal Reserve has done, not the Housewives!):

    Or you might like Banking On It (New Republican Seinfeld-esque Comedy Series):

    And: this [short]: Neverminditol-The Great Recession Depression Drug

    Or at least see Shitty Chitty Bank Bank:

    Very important to also consider Mitt Romney’s role in the Leveraged Buyout of
    America –LBOs vs jobs. Wall St Banks and private Equity firms like Romney’s Bain Capital, KKR, and Goldman Sachs enacted a large scale Leveraged Buyout of America; Venture Capital is about funding new companies; Private Equity (Mitt and associates), is about gutting established successful companies –sucking out their capital and assets, then leaving the company holding the debt bag. It is a deliberate gutting and looting of American corporations. This is the antithesis of
    Venture Capitalism.

    See Lady Gaga Does LBOs [short, comedic, but true]for more information
    about Mitt Romney’s LBOs by Bait and Switch TV: Investigative Satire…

    And if you just want someone to blame, try The Blame Game:

    But if you want to return our crap money to its source, try my fast free online Flash game “Take That: A Federal Reserve Crap$hoot Stress Relief Game”:

  10. This is akin to those high ranking military leaders who add ribbons and combat awards to their lapels. They still are competent at their jobs, but their honor is shot to hell.

  11. Bullshit… he’s mine! I already offered him 20 mil per year with an inverse golden parachute: 100 million if he’s fired within the first year, going down ten million for each year thereafter. Hah! Top that!

  12. Most of the time, I do not leave a reply or comment on a subject. But this one, I have too.

    First, people need to stop with the biggest, tallest, ..etc.

    Second, he should be fired because he lied. There is something called code of ethics, if you know what ethics mean.

    Third, this is the first time I hear someone who uses this kind of language and calls himself a CEO or Chairman. Maybe inside a closed conference room not public. I though you were a low level employee.

    Fourth, do you know what is off the record means???

    Maybe I am used to a professional corporate work ethics and attitude but the way you talk tells me a lot of the work environment you manage and to be honest it is not of high standard.

  13. As a long time and former yahoo, this whole thing is no BFD to me. I think it lowers his credibility, but if he can get shit done at Yahoo he can say he is the Dalai lama.

  14. Man, I landed on this page and wasn’t expecting to read this great post! I need a job. Get me out of Utah into Hollywood. I won’t bring my wives with me.
    This job as a Greeter At Wallmart is really getting to me!
    Meet me up on FB as videobroker.

    Funny post. Loved it.

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