Generation C – Chairman's Blog

May 29, 2014

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Kevin Reilly A Job

It has been brought to my attention that Kevin Reilly – the futurist former head of the Fox Broadcasting Company – has been forcibly removed from his post and is now looking forward to forcibly spending “more time with his family.”

Rupert Murdoch, my old friend, you have made a grave mistake.

Kevin Reilly had the balls to bring us such shows as…

(I don’t really know, can someone in Media Research fill in the rest of this sentence – he must have done something, right?)

Did Fox do “Barney Miller”?

He has also done tons of other really important shit (again, Research, help me out).

Anyway, Kevin, I speak directly to you now – I love that you wanted to eliminate pilot season.

I, personally, have decided to eliminate the development process. We just go directly to series based on first drafts.

Anyone who writes in complete sentences knows more than Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group), so why would we want him to read scripts and make notes. What the fuck does he know? He was a Radio Shack cashier before he won that goddamned reality show contest which made him the head of the Television Group.

But I digress…

Kevin, seriously, you can take any job you want. Over-the-Top networks are pretty trendy right now. We could give you money to make little videos for YouTube. That’s cool, right?

Or you could produce shit for Manka Broadway. Or publish books in our book division. Or even sell branded socks in Consumer Products.

Whatever job you want – you can have. Except mine. And except Lloyd Grohl.

You could even have a Board seat. We are so ready to dump Diahann Carroll it’s not even funny.

Think about it, Kevin. This is the best offer you will get.

Everyone else is doomed to fail.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 15, 2014

Manka Bros. To ‘Bypass’ the Development Process

Good morning…

Following Kevin Reilly’s (Fox) announcement that they will no longer be participating in the TV Pilot Season process (which we’ve all been doing in this town for the past 50 years or so), I would like to take an even bolder step.

Today, I am announcing that the Manka Bros. Television Group is bypassing the entire DEVELOPMENT process. Because, let’s be frank, the creative executives that work at my studio suck ass and make everything they touch die like the “Boy In The Plastic Bubble.”

So – because of this complete incompetence and our crappy HR department’s inability to replace these pricks with anyone that can read, I have decided that Manka Bros. is now the most talent-friendly studio in town – because we give GREENLIGHTS to writers based on their FIRST DRAFTS!

Suck on that, Fox! Good luck giving that sort of control.

So, writers of TV (and film for that matter) – come to Manka Bros. – write for us and get pretty much anything you want and we won’t change a goddamn thing.

Rejoice, writers – Harvard MBAs will no longer be giving you notes on how to make your blue collar stories more gritty and believable.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 3, 2013December 16, 2013

The Manka Bros. Holiday Party Is Cancelled

Good afternoon.

For the second straight year, because it was a horrible year for the studio, I have cancelled the planned Holiday Party Extravaganza at the Downtown L.A. Live complex. Please inform your children that Santa Claus has been canned and will not be there.

Because not one of the business divisions stepped up and even made the slightest attempt to improve the numbers, there will be no ice skating, no drunking, no gift bags full of amazing shit – no holiday cheer.

If you’re looking for fun this holiday season, try crashing a Disney or Warner Bros. party. They had much better years. Maybe Santa will be there.

If anyone needs me, I will be at my house in The Seychelles attempting to figure out how we survive another year with the crappy bunch of employees I have working for me.

I realize that morale is a delicate thing – but I’ve been coddling you sons and daughters of bitches for too long!

2014 will be the Year of the Hammer (if you know what I mean).

Over the two days I am giving you off (December 25 and January 1), take some time to review your failures of the past year(s) and be prepared to convince me why I should still employ you after I return to the studio in January.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

[dictated but not read]

October 25, 2013December 16, 2013

Old Media Fights Back

“Generation C” can suck it.

It’s time for Old Media to strike back against the bullshit that is “Generation C” and the power this group of slack-jawed dorks seems to have over the way we have done business for over 100 years!

Every goddamned meeting we have these days is focused on how we can reach these asshole kids who, frankly, could care less about what we do as long as we occasionally vomit out another “Iron Man” sequel.

Well, I think it’s time for the industry to say – fuck them – we’re going to do what we do best and the rest of the world is going to like it – like they used to… until about 10 years ago.

Probably when YouTube started.

Now all you read is story after story about teens cutting cords, “visionary” teens creating their own content and building their own empires. This cannot stand or we’ll all be out of business before the decade ends.

I’m spending more and more of my day seeing presentations about how we should buy this or that dumb ass YouTube channel or some other dumb ass OTT channel that gets 2 billions views a day for some unwatchable piece of shit that cost $2 dollars while our horrible TV networks get 2 million viewers for something that costs $2 million dollars.

Hollywood studios need to remember this – WE DECIDE WHO IS FAMOUS AND WE DECIDE WHO GETS TO PRODUCE CONTENT!

I’ve talked to Bob Iger, Rupert Murdoch, Jeff Bewkes, Brian Roberts and Sumner Redstone and we are all in agreement. Even Barry Diller agrees that things are getting out of control (and he considers himself a card carrying member of Generation C).

Content production is a precious commodity that must be under OUR control at all time. Chuck Lorre and Jerry Seinfeld will create our comedy. Aaron Sorkin and JJ Abrams will write our drama. Seamus and Tony Bennett will sing our songs. Alison Fogle and Nicolas Sparks will write our books. etc. etc. etc.

That’s just the way it has to be.

PewDiePie and his disruptive merry band of a-holes on YouTube must not be allowed to cross the border into Hollywood.

Let me be clear – our future sucks.

We can’t just keep throwing bigger and bigger budgets at our horrible horrible movies and TV shows and expect audiences will just bow down at our amazing lighting, acting and camera images.

My 14-year-old daughter, Connie (from whom I first heard the term “Generation C”), produces high quality videos that look just as good as anything on television and her camera cost $39.95.

No, the only option we have for our survival is to crush any new platforms and ideas created by this satanic Generation C. They are trying to destroy our impenetrable bubble. They WILL NOT destroy my lifestyle.

From this day forward, the new PewDiePie is I.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company