The Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences Can F Itself

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben Silverman, Colin Firth, Harrison Ford, Jake Gyllenhaal, Laura Linney, James McAvoy, Mo'Nique, Julianne Moore, Christoph Waltz, Colleen Atwood, Milena Canonero, Betsy Heimann, Judianna Mokovsky, Ha Nguyen, Ken Adam, Rick Carter, Lilly Kilvert, Rusty Smith, George DeTitta, K.C. Fox, nancy Haigh, Leslie Pope, Sandy Reynolds Wasco, Russ Alsobrook, Robbie Greenberg, Julio Macat, Hiro Narita, Amelia Vincent, Wes Anderson, Roger Corman, Lasse Hallstrom, Mike Leigh, Errol Morris, Lone Scherfig, Joe Berlinger, Liz Garbus, Alex Gibney, Mark Lewis, Julia Reichert, Michael Barker, Peter Chernin, Camela Galano, Brad Grey, Lisa Henson, Bill Mechanic, Robert Shaye, Patrick Wachsberger, David Brenner, Lisa Zeno Churgin, Lynzee Klingman, Michael Tronick, Billy Weber, Lois Burwell, David Marti, Montse Ribe, Ve Neill, Aldo Signoretti, Kazuhiro Tsuji, Bryan Adams, Eric Clapton, The Edge, Michael Giacchino, Suzana Peric, Dean Pitchford, Arthur Cohn, Eric Fellner, Samuel Goldwyn, Charles Roven, Jennifer Todd, Suzanne Todd, Duncan Clark, Therese Curtin, Rob Friedman, Nancy Utley, Jochen Alexander Freydank, Martin McDonagh, Dean Parisot, Signe Baumane, Sharon Calahan, Pete Docter, Chris Landreth, Bill Plympton, Wendy Tilby, Chris Wedge, Karen Baker Landers, Willie Burton, Benjamin Burtt, Anthony Ciccolini, Mary Jo Lang, Virginia Cook-McGown, Dean Zupancic, Eric Brevig, John Frazier, Michele Moen, Mark Stetson, Hoyt Yeatman, Hossein Amini, Judd Apatow, Guillermo Arriaga, Diablo Cody, Geoffrey Fletcher, Christopher Hampton, Robin Swicord, Grover Crisp, Ray Dolby, Sarah Halley Finn, Ron Stein, Beverly Joanna Wood, Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Hudson, Wes Studi, Michelle Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Lisa Cholodenko, Christopher Nolan, John Singleton, Kathleen Bennett, Bono, T Bone Burnett, Pablo Helman, Van Ling, Helena Packer, Lynzee Klingman, Demian Bichir, George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Kenneth Branagh, Jonah Hill, Nick Nolte, Christopher Plummer, Max Von Sydow, Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Berenice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer, Octavia Spencer, Alain Gognol, Jean-Loup Felicioli, Fernando Trueba, Javier Mariscal, Jennifer Yuh Nelson, Chris Miller, Gore Verbinski, Robert Gould, Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan, Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo, Anne Seibel, Helene Dubreuil, Rick Carter, Lee Sandales, Guillaume Schiffman, Jeff Cronenweth, Robert Richardson, Emmanuel Lubezki, Janusz Kaminski, Lisy Christl, Mark Bridges, Sandy Powell, Michael O'Connor, Arianne Phillips, Michel Hazanavicius, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Terrence Malick, Danfung Dennis, Mike Lerner, Marhsal Curry, Sam Cullman, Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky, Wim Wenders, Gian-Piero Ringel, TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay, Richard Middlemas, Robin Fryday, Gail Dolgin, Rebecca Cammisa, Julie Anderson, James Spione, Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, Lucy Walker, Kira Carstensen, Anne-Sophie Bion, Kevin Tent, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Thelma Schoonmaker, Christopher Tellefesn, Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston, Matthew Mungle, Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight, Lisa Tomblin, Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland, John Williams, Ludovic Bource, Howard Shore, Alberto Iglesias, Bret McKenzie, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, Siedah Garrett, Thomas Langmann, Jim Burke, Jim Taylor, Scott Rudin, Brunson Green, Chris Columbus, Michael Barnathan, Graham King, Letty Aronson, Stephen Tenenbaum, Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz, Kathleen Kennedy, Patrick Doyon, William Joyce, Brandon Oldenburg, Enrico Casarosa, Grant Orchard, Sue Goffe, Amanda Forbis, Wendy Tilby, Peter McDonald, Eimear O'Kane, Max Zahle, Stefan Gieren, Terry George, Oorlagh George, Andrew Bowler, Gigi Causey, Hallvar Witzo, Lon Bender, Victor Ray Ennis, Ren Kylce, Philip Stockton, Eugene Gearty, Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl, Richard Hymns, Gary Rydstrom, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce, Bo Persson, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley, Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, David Giammarco, Ed Novick, Greg Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey Haboush, Peter Devlin, Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson, Stuart Wilson, Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler, John Richardson, Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman, Alex Henning, Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor, Swen Gillberg, Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White, Daniel Barrett, Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler, John Frazier, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, John Logan, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan, Annie Mumolo, Kristin Wiig, J.C. Chandor, Asghar Farhadi

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben Silverman, Colin Firth, Harrison Ford, Jake Gyllenhaal, Laura Linney, James McAvoy, Mo'Nique, Julianne Moore, Christoph Waltz, Colleen Atwood, Milena Canonero, Betsy Heimann, Judianna Mokovsky, Ha Nguyen, Ken Adam, Rick Carter, Lilly Kilvert, Rusty Smith, George DeTitta, K.C. Fox, nancy Haigh, Leslie Pope, Sandy Reynolds Wasco, Russ Alsobrook, Robbie Greenberg, Julio Macat, Hiro Narita, Amelia Vincent, Wes Anderson, Roger Corman, Lasse Hallstrom, Mike Leigh, Errol Morris, Lone Scherfig, Joe Berlinger, Liz Garbus, Alex Gibney, Mark Lewis, Julia Reichert, Michael Barker, Peter Chernin, Camela Galano, Brad Grey, Lisa Henson, Bill Mechanic, Robert Shaye, Patrick Wachsberger, David Brenner, Lisa Zeno Churgin, Lynzee Klingman, Michael Tronick, Billy Weber, Lois Burwell, David Marti, Montse Ribe, Ve Neill, Aldo Signoretti, Kazuhiro Tsuji, Bryan Adams, Eric Clapton, The Edge, Michael Giacchino, Suzana Peric, Dean Pitchford, Arthur Cohn, Eric Fellner, Samuel Goldwyn, Charles Roven, Jennifer Todd, Suzanne Todd, Duncan Clark, Therese Curtin, Rob Friedman, Nancy Utley, Jochen Alexander Freydank, Martin McDonagh, Dean Parisot, Signe Baumane, Sharon Calahan, Pete Docter, Chris Landreth, Bill Plympton, Wendy Tilby, Chris Wedge, Karen Baker Landers, Willie Burton, Benjamin Burtt, Anthony Ciccolini, Mary Jo Lang, Virginia Cook-McGown, Dean Zupancic, Eric Brevig, John Frazier, Michele Moen, Mark Stetson, Hoyt Yeatman, Hossein Amini, Judd Apatow, Guillermo Arriaga, Diablo Cody, Geoffrey Fletcher, Christopher Hampton, Robin Swicord, Grover Crisp, Ray Dolby, Sarah Halley Finn, Ron Stein, Beverly Joanna Wood, Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Hudson, Wes Studi, Michelle Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Lisa Cholodenko, Christopher Nolan, John Singleton, Kathleen Bennett, Bono, T Bone Burnett, Pablo Helman, Van Ling, Helena Packer, Lynzee Klingman, Demian Bichir, George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Kenneth Branagh, Jonah Hill, Nick Nolte, Christopher Plummer, Max Von Sydow, Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Berenice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer, Octavia Spencer, Alain Gognol, Jean-Loup Felicioli, Fernando Trueba, Javier Mariscal, Jennifer Yuh Nelson, Chris Miller, Gore Verbinski, Robert Gould, Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan, Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo, Anne Seibel, Helene Dubreuil, Rick Carter, Lee Sandales, Guillaume Schiffman, Jeff Cronenweth, Robert Richardson, Emmanuel Lubezki, Janusz Kaminski, Lisy Christl, Mark Bridges, Sandy Powell, Michael O'Connor, Arianne Phillips, Michel Hazanavicius, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Terrence Malick, Danfung Dennis, Mike Lerner, Marhsal Curry, Sam Cullman, Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky, Wim Wenders, Gian-Piero Ringel, TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay, Richard Middlemas, Robin Fryday, Gail Dolgin, Rebecca Cammisa, Julie Anderson, James Spione, Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, Lucy Walker, Kira Carstensen, Anne-Sophie Bion, Kevin Tent, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Thelma Schoonmaker, Christopher Tellefesn, Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston, Matthew Mungle, Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight, Lisa Tomblin, Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland, John Williams, Ludovic Bource, Howard Shore, Alberto Iglesias, Bret McKenzie, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, Siedah Garrett, Thomas Langmann, Jim Burke, Jim Taylor, Scott Rudin, Brunson Green, Chris Columbus, Michael Barnathan, Graham King, Letty Aronson, Stephen Tenenbaum, Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz, Kathleen Kennedy, Patrick Doyon, William Joyce, Brandon Oldenburg, Enrico Casarosa, Grant Orchard, Sue Goffe, Amanda Forbis, Wendy Tilby, Peter McDonald, Eimear O'Kane, Max Zahle, Stefan Gieren, Terry George, Oorlagh George, Andrew Bowler, Gigi Causey, Hallvar Witzo, Lon Bender, Victor Ray Ennis, Ren Kylce, Philip Stockton, Eugene Gearty, Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl, Richard Hymns, Gary Rydstrom, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce, Bo Persson, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley, Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, David Giammarco, Ed Novick, Greg Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey Haboush, Peter Devlin, Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson, Stuart Wilson, Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler, John Richardson, Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman, Alex Henning, Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor, Swen Gillberg, Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White, Daniel Barrett, Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler, John Frazier, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, John Logan, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan, Annie Mumolo, Kristin Wiig, J.C. Chandor, Asghar FarhadiGood evening from Davos!

I am here preparing for my keynote address tomorrow to the World Economic Forum (I also spoke here two years ago).

The subject of my speech will be the importance of media in the global economy and how Hollywood will defeat Silicon Valley after their recent challenge to bring us down.

Paul Graham of Y Combinator is an idiot who says Hollywood has peaked.  Manka Bros.’ blogger Jill Kennedy at OnMedea got it right when she said “Y Combinator Is a Stupid Idea.”

Listen, geeks, just because you talk like the characters on “Big Bang Theory” doesn’t mean you can write their dialogue.  There are people who are professional comedy writers and there are people who are computer engineers.  Rarely do the two sides of the brain come together allowing you to do both well.

But I’ll get into that tomorrow.

Today, I am here to say The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences can go fuck itself.

Who in the fuck do you have to give a bottle of Slivovitz to in order to get a goddamned Oscar nomination!  (Or if you’re in the Hollywood Foreign Press – who can also fuck off – who do you have to give a carton of Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes.)

JESUS CHRIST!

Now, I’m a little drunk (at my normal barstool in Davos at the Hotel Eden), and tomorrow I may deny ever writing this, but today, I am fucking pissed off!

Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got a nomination for “War Horse” – are you fucking kidding me?

Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!

And “Tree Of Life”?  What?!  I guarantee not one of you freaks in the Academy understood at all what was happening in that movie.  Sean Penn said he didn’t understand it – AND HE WAS IN IT!

Did the Academy not see “Freedom Swimmers” starring Michael Phelps?  Did they not see “Last Train To Crazy”?  Or “Bella Sangiovese”?  2011 was Manka Bros. at its finest!

Well, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.  You’re a bunch of freakin’ dinosaurs who decide nominations over martinis and cheese toast at The Smoke House.

FYI, here is the Manka Bros. Films 2012 Slate and our Manka Highbrow 2012 Slate.  These are the films you won’t be allowed to nominate.

Your loss, losers.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

 

The Producers Guild Can Suck It

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben Silverman

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben SilvermanAnd while I’m at it – the Hollywood Foreign Press can suck it, too!

So, this morning I returned to the studio from a month long vacation at my house in the Seychelles – feeling relaxed, very tan and ready to make 2012 the biggest and most profitable year in Manka Bros. history.

I even had a smile on my face.

One of my assistants (Vicky, I think??? – the one with the thing on her face), even told me that I looked happy for the first time ever.  And then she told me that the Producer’s Guild nominations were out – and a copy was on my desk.

Fantastic.  I couldn’t wait to see how many films from the 2011 Manka Bros. Films slate and/or Manka Highbrow slate made the list.

I sat down at my desk.  A very nice bowl of high-fiber fruit was waiting for me (because I ate way too much extra sharp cheddar cheese over the holidays).  I made a quick check of the list.

Hmmm… no Manka Bros. titles.

I looked a little closer.  Nope.

Ahmed Lateef, Aida Takla-O'Reilly, Alena Prime, Alessandra Venezia, Alexander Nevsky, Ali Sar, Ana Maria Bahiana, Andre Guimond, Aniko Navai, Anita Baum, Anke Hofmann, Ari Emanuel, Armando Gallo, Aud Berggren Morisse, Avik Gilboa, Ben Silverman, Cameron Diaz, Cher, Dagmar Dunlevy, Dierk Sindermann, Edmund Brettschneider, Elisa Leonelli, Elisabeth Sereda, Elmar Biebl, Emanuel Levy, Erkki "Erik" Kanto, Ersi Danou, Frances Schoenberger, Frank Rousseau, Gabriel Lerman, Gabrielle Donnelly, George Doss, Gilda Baum-Lappe, Golden Globes, H.J. Park, Hans J. Spurkel, Harvey Weinstein, Helen Hoehne, Helena Mar-Elia, Helmut Voss, Herve Tropea, Hollywood Foreign Press members, Howard Lucraft, Isabelle Caron, Jack Tewksbury, Janet R. Nepales, Jean E. Cummings, Jean-Paul Chaillet, Jenny Cooney Carrillo, Jerry Watson, Jill Kennedy, John Hiscock, Jorge Camara, Judy Solomon, Juliette Michaud, Karen Martin, Khan Manka, Kleo Lee, Lawrie Masterson, Lilly Lui, Lisa Lu, Lorenzo Soria, Luca Celada, Lynn M. Tso, Magnus Sundholm, Mahfouz Doss, Manka Bros., Margaret Gardiner, Maria Snoeys-Lagler, Mario Amaya, Marlene von Arx, Maureen Dragone, Max B. Miller, Meher Tatna, Mike Goodridge, Mira Panajotovic, Mohammed Rouda, Munawar Hosain, Nellee A. Holmes, Noel de Souza, Noemia Young, OnMedea, Paolua Abou-Jaoude, Patrica Danaher, Patrick Roth, Paz Mata, Philip Berk, Ramzi Malouki, Ray Arco, Ricky Gervais, Ricky van Veen, Rocio Ayuso, Ruben V. Nepales, Rui Henriques Coimbra, Scarlett Johansson, Scott Orlin, Serge Rakhlin, Silvia Bizio, The Tourist, Theo Kingma, Vera Anderson, Yenny Nun-Katz, Yoko Narita, Yola Czaderska-Hayek, Yoram Kahana, Yukiko NakajimaThat’s really odd.  I sent cases of Opus One to that fucking place.

(And I sent cartons of Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes to the Hollywood Foreign Press which didn’t result in any nominations either.)

There must be some mistake.

Perhaps we were so loaded down with Television nominations the Producers Guild felt it would have been too much to give us a Theatrical nomination.

Certainly there would be a few shows from the Manka Bros. Television slate on that list.  Everyone has told me that Forensics: The New Voices is a virtual lock for a best drama nomination.

Hmmmm…. no TV nominations either.

I mean, what in the fucking goddamned shit is going on?!!

Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got TWO NOMINATIONS!  TWO!  For “War Horse” and “Tintin” – are you fucking kidding me?

Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!

Did the Producers Guild not see “Freedom Swimmers” starring Michael Phelps?  Did they not see “Last Train To Crazy”?  Or “Bella Sangiovese”?

Well, Producers Guild, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.  You’re a bunch of freakin’ dinosaurs who decide nominations over martinis and cheese toast at The Smoke House.

FYI, here is the Manka Bros. Films 2012 Slate and our Manka Highbrow 2012 Slate.  These are the films you won’t be allowed to nominate.

Your loss, losers.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Please return my very expensive wine.  There are many others more deserving of my bribes.