And while I’m at it – the Hollywood Foreign Press can suck it, too!
So, this morning I returned to the studio from a month long vacation at my house in the Seychelles – feeling relaxed, very tan and ready to make 2012 the biggest and most profitable year in Manka Bros. history.
I even had a smile on my face.
One of my assistants (Vicky, I think??? – the one with the thing on her face), even told me that I looked happy for the first time ever. And then she told me that the Producer’s Guild nominations were out – and a copy was on my desk.
Fantastic. I couldn’t wait to see how many films from the 2011 Manka Bros. Films slate and/or Manka Highbrow slate made the list.
I sat down at my desk. A very nice bowl of high-fiber fruit was waiting for me (because I ate way too much extra sharp cheddar cheese over the holidays). I made a quick check of the list.
Hmmm… no Manka Bros. titles.
I looked a little closer. Nope.
That’s really odd. I sent cases of Opus One to that fucking place.
(And I sent cartons of Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes to the Hollywood Foreign Press which didn’t result in any nominations either.)
There must be some mistake.
Perhaps we were so loaded down with Television nominations the Producers Guild felt it would have been too much to give us a Theatrical nomination.
Certainly there would be a few shows from the Manka Bros. Television slate on that list. Everyone has told me that Forensics: The New Voices is a virtual lock for a best drama nomination.
Hmmmm…. no TV nominations either.
I mean, what in the fucking goddamned shit is going on?!!
Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got TWO NOMINATIONS! TWO! For “War Horse” and “Tintin” – are you fucking kidding me?
Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!
Did the Producers Guild not see “Freedom Swimmers” starring Michael Phelps? Did they not see “Last Train To Crazy”? Or “Bella Sangiovese”?
Well, Producers Guild, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you. You’re a bunch of freakin’ dinosaurs who decide nominations over martinis and cheese toast at The Smoke House.
FYI, here is the Manka Bros. Films 2012 Slate and our Manka Highbrow 2012 Slate. These are the films you won’t be allowed to nominate.
Your loss, losers.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
P.S. – Please return my very expensive wine. There are many others more deserving of my bribes.