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Aug
04

Manka Bros.’ Gay Marriage Policy

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chelsea Clinton, Cory Booker, Danny kaye, DumbDumb, Electus, Ellen Degeneres, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harry Manka, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jay McBee, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Lance Bass, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Mort Zuckerman, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Portia De rossi, Proposition 8, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Danson, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vaughn Walker, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media CompanyYes, even though I am still at my Montauk house on vacation (recovering from Chelsea Clinton’s wedding) people still think it’s okay to bother me.

So last night, I received an urgent call from Natalie Kim – the head of Manka Bros. Human Resources.  She says she has received hundreds of emails from employees who wanted a clarification of Manka Bros.’ Gay Marriage Policy.

Even though I am heading out the door to play squash with Mort Zuckerman, I will take a couple of moments to address this issue.

Yes, Manka Bros. supports gay marriage.

Married employees (gay or straight) all receive the same benefits and perks (i.e., health coverage, 401K, 10% off Studio Store merchandise, free yogurt Fridays, etc.).

In fact, Manka Bros. has supported gay marriage for over 50 years – ever since my father, the asshole Harry Manka, signed a talent contract with Danny Kaye.  Part of the deal was that he would be allowed to be gay inside the studio and actually have a husband and a house on the lot.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chelsea Clinton, Cory Booker, Danny kaye, DumbDumb, Electus, Ellen Degeneres, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harry Manka, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jay McBee, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Lance Bass, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Mort Zuckerman, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Portia De rossi, Proposition 8, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Danson, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vaughn Walker, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company[Manka Bros. Corporate Legal Disclaimer: There is no proof that Danny Kaye was gay - he was just "allowed to be gay".]

Because that experiment worked so well and kept Mr. Kaye so happy, it soon became Manka Bros.’ company policy – anyone who wanted to be gay and be married while at work was allowed to be.  There were some strict guidelines though:

  • No sex on Midwest Street (only in certain alleyways of the Greenwich Village backlot set would sex be tolerated);
  • And no showtunes or cabaret music of any kind to played during company events (this remains in effect and will never be repealed as long as I draw a breath).  Headphones are okay, I just don’t want to hear about it.

So, while many of you may be rejoicing in the overturning of Prop. 8, take comfort in the fact that it was always okay to be gay (and married) at Manka Bros.

In fact, I think this is a great opportunity for some of you in a loveless sham of a heterosexual marriage (i.e., Jay McBee) to come out and try to find the same-sex man or woman of your dreams.

Frankly, why anyone would want to be married is beyond me.  (My three ex-wives wanted to be married to me so they could all get rich in the divorce… gold digging bitches.)  But at Manka Bros., everyone is at least given that right.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2010/08/04/manka-bros-gay-marriage-policy/

7 comments

  1. Love it says:

    Good for you, Manka Bros. Washington State is with you. Now for the rest of laggards.

  2. Jeremy Spokane says:

    A great moment for Washingtonians. I won’t believe it until I see it stick for more than a month or so. There are lot of right wingers up here that are going to fight it.

  3. Robert Murfield says:

    If you saw any of the debates in South Carolina or anywhere from Republicans you can see how there will never (in our lifetime) be a federal gay marriage law. It’s up to the states only.

  4. Janet A says:

    This is a good time to remember a gay man named

    Alan Turing

    He stopped HITLER with his genius by breaking his communication codes….then he invented your computer.

  5. rock it says:

    Now that’s awesome! Great news from Obama. Maybe in the future it won’t have to be so secretive. Thanks for fighting the good fight.

  6. Elli says:

    I’ve never even heard of your company. But I love you for this post.

  7. Gaylord Tuffles says:

    This is awesome! Do you have catalogs of potential husbands for me? I’d like to read through them with my wife and kids so we can pick a good one for me. I’ve been working in the cafeteria in the MBS Kids studios for a while now and never even thought about getting a work husband before – but the more I look at the fat lunch ladies around me, the more a buff man appeals to me. Please forward the catalogs to Mail Stop EM-6, MBS Kids studios (that’s in the Wankshire building).

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