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Jan
27

The One Percent Are More Like Jesus

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Thomas Perkins, 1%, Occupy Movement, One Percent, JesusIn deference to my acquaintance Thomas Perkins [see left] (I won’t call him a friend – which at this point would be like calling Stalin your “squash partner”), I must disagree with his claim that the richest 1% in the world is basically being treated by the lowest 99% like the Jews were treated by the Nazis.

This is an insane claim because most of us 1% have been treated fairly by the world (we are billionaires, after all).

Granted most people under me (and my pay bracket) suck at their jobs and cause me great distress, but I still manage to live a decent life – especially when I am at my house in the Seychelles. We must always remember, if they were better at their jobs, they would be richer – like us.

That’s where our great compassion comes in. And that is what makes us great.

Which is why I would argue that the 1% in the world today is treated more like Jesus was treated (by Jews, Romans and anyone else afraid of change).

Imagine 2,000 years ago, and the richest one percent (Jesus) is trying to tell the world that if the rich were allowed to keep more of their money, the poor would (in effect) get more of that money because the rich would then spend it on little trinkets outside of the temples and get more massages and things.

If I was Jesus, and went up on Mount Olive (or wherever it was) and gave a sermon, I would tell the rabble that, you know, they have to be patient and they have to work hard and build companies and wealth for your shareholders and that would create wealth for everyone else in their huts (or wherever the fuck they live).

This is what Tommy P (as we informally used to call Thomas Perkins before he was a racist outcast) needs to understand.

The 99% want to crucify us 1% (like Jesus, it’s true) – but we will rise again (at Easter or Passover or some such shit) and rule the world and earn billions and be loved because that’s what Jesus did.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2014/01/27/the-one-percent-is-more-like-jesus/

20 comments

  1. Boykin says:

    I am envious of the wealthy because of….my conscience. Sometimes I wish mine didn’t bother me so much. I feel upset that poor people, seniors and kids particularly, are so vulnerable to the whims of public policy that are often manipulated by wealthy corporations and individuals (like the Koch brothers). Seems like a lot of wealthy folks don’t have much of a social conscience or concern beyond their own needs, wants, and conveniences.

  2. Justice says:

    I won’t address your words, everyone already has laughed at you enough for them. What I will address is how you and the other soon to be gone 1%ers have done to yourself and deserve everything that is swiftly coming your way.

    You forgot, Khan. You just forgot. You forgot that a successful business has a duty, first and foremost, to the country it is in and the society of that country. Profit is not the first concern and the only concern.

    You forgot, Khan. To look around your business bases of operations, see the poor neighborhood there and say ” I am going to put a factory there and make sure those folks have a good paying job to lift them out of their poverty. I am going to expand the schools in that area and gear them towards having the good and proper education to not only work for me but to grow the seeds of higher thinking”.

    You forgot, Khan. That in helping your country with your business, providing living wages for people to work and raise a family with that they themselves would be paying taxes and supporting social programs, infrastructure builds and rebuilds, arts, music. Everything that makes a society healthy a robust and growing entity.

    So much more that you forgot, Khan.

    No Khan. You… you only thought of profit for yourself and stockholders. As an educated man, you know.. or should know history and where that path leads. You did not help society and a way of life, you greedily only thought of yourself.

    Yes Khan. You, and those like you, WILL probably become the hunted. Your body guards, your panic rooms, etc. will be of no avail. Your forgetfulness has sealed your fate and those of your family, quite likely. And if and when that time comes for you.. remember this:

    You forgot.

    May whatever God you subscribe to have mercy on your soul, if they should see fit.

  3. Paul Adams says:

    It’s simply not true that everyone would be rich if they were better at their jobs, or even if they all did the same job. First, it is mathematical nonsense, like asserting that there exists a largest prime. Second, many highly successful people have been extremely poor (ranging from Jesus to Mozart). Third, some jobs, like Mozilllo’s, Madoff’s and possibly yours, are not worth doing at any price.

  4. JennyB says:

    That photo is creepy. Is that Thomas Perkins face on Jesus body?

  5. Nana P. says:

    This…this is satire, right? Nobody can actually be this obtuse. Not even a wealthy 1%’er could believe this drivel. Please tell me I’m right. Anyone?

    1. art police says:

      Yes, Nana, I am pretty sure this is not real.

  6. Nicolas Robinson says:

    It’s scum like you, Mr. Manka Brothers, who help demonize us billionaires by putting out ridiculous press releases comparing us to Jesus! Yes, I am a fellow billionaire — in my heart. I wake up every day and dream about the billions I am going to spend that day, and it does NOT include helping Mr. Bill eradicate blackwater fever from Isandhlwana!

    (Mr. Bill is of course, my good friend and co-finder of Macrosoft, the plush toy manufacturer).

    If you’re going to compare me to ANY celebrity, do not make it Jesus! This alone insults the 4 million Jesuses who live and work in the lands south of the Rio Grande. How do you think THEY like being called billionaires?

    Good. Now that that’s out of the way, could you perhaps send me a voucher to cross your property to get to that lovely beach in front of your home? I specifically wish to visit THAT beach, not the four hundred-million-some-odd OTHER beaches that dot the earth’s surface.

    Thanks you and have a nice day.

    N. John Robinson III
    Robinson Holdings LLCINC (a subsidiary of Time-Whorener)

  7. Timothy Leonard says:

    Maybe completely unrelated but fearing Jesus is a sure way to poverty while selling Jesus is a sure way to wealth! Especially the way that he’s marketed to us minorities!

  8. JFK's Ghost says:

    “If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.”

    1. Alan Richards says:

      Stay dead, you and your family caused enough problems when you were alive.

  9. Ami says:

    Mark 10:25

    But Jesus answered again and said to them, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God? 25″It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

  10. DDK says:

    If this is all satire, I love it. If not, you suck.

    1. Chairman says:

      I’d much rather be loved than suck – so I don’t know what to say.

      1. William Orr says:

        Just satand on your mountaintop, pull your foot out of your mouth, bless all of us “little people”, and then remember:

        WITH WEALTH DOES NOT NECESSARILY COME WISDOM

        (or even necessarily minimal intelligence)

  11. Eric says:

    lol I love this site :)

  12. Dude says:

    Dude that pic of Tom Perkins as Jesus IS creepy and a little rough. You’ve got to match the skin tones better.

  13. Alan Richards says:

    Manka is one bitter little dude. Envy is a terrible trait there little buddy, and your anger is typical of petty little liberals.
    “World’s Largest Media Company,” I think Mankas has a little peter problem along with delusion issues.

    1. Pimp Daddy says:

      Alan Richards? Is this THE Alan Richards? Bow down, everyone, this dude knows his shit. And he smells his shit and it’s way better smelling than the rest of ours.

      1. The Alan Richards says:

        Typical lib, race to the bottom and name call.
        But you are correct PD, I have forgotten more than you know.
        Finish high school, then post here.
        You’re welcome.

  14. The Re-Animated Corpse of Jonathan Swift says:

    If you’re so unbelievably fucking credulous that you can’t tell by the third paragraph that this is satirical, then you should probably take a step back and ask yourself whether your opinion is really worth sharing.

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