Good morning.
As of today, Manka Bros. will no longer hire anyone who is 30 or over.
Over the past year or so, I have come to realize it would be a strategic blunder for myself and the Manka Bros. shareholders to produce any new content or develop any new distribution platforms for anyone other than those between the ages of 0 and 29.
I’m not going to lose millions just so some old person can keep their job!
Manka Bros. is producing 157 comic book movies over the next 35 years. I don’t want that shit to look cool to 50-year-olds but completely bore 15-year-olds.
Based on everything we need to do going forward, there is no point to having anyone work on the creative or business side that is over 30.
Business schools call this the “Logan’s Run” HR strategy and it’s secretly being used effectively by many high-profile Silicon Valley companies.
I like to think of it more as the MTV VJ strategy of firing the VJ women (only) once they hit 25. (Look at me, “MTV VJs” – really showing my age there. Thank God I own the studio or I would right out on my ass 🙂 )
But seriously, 31-year-olds don’t know what 25-year-olds watch or how they interact with content. And no one gives a shit what a 31-year-old watches.
I mean, who is going to watch the new Mad Max movie (which was made by a 70-year-old director!)? I mean, just look at this piece of shit:
The buzz is much better for our upcoming summer release “Flaccid Trip” – which was directed by an 18-year-old high school kid using only his iPhone as a camera.
Watch this clip and you be the judge:
See what I mean? THAT’S what the young people want.
Being the oldest (and largest) studio in Hollywood has its advantages (deep pockets, deep library, classic characters) but also its disadvantages (old thinking, stuck in our ways, etc.).
So, what’s to become of all the current employees who are over 30?
Most will be let go with the exception of anyone that is an SVP or above.
While it is true that most of the SVPs and above are rich, fat and haven’t thought of anything new or exciting in years, most of their exit packages would be too great and I don’t want to part with that cash. (And I also don’t want to disrupt my weekly squash game that I have with some of those guys.)
Everyone below SVP – who is 30 or older – should be receiving some sort of call in the next, I don’t know, month or so.
I’m sure this new policy will have its detractors and I’m sure you all have many questions – but it is nearing lunch time and I am typing this myself (my assistant is 42 and I don’t want to upset her before lunch).
Thanks for all your hard work over the years (though I know many of you didn’t work hard at all – just saying) and I hope all of you who are leaving Manka Bros. will wish us all the best as we become a younger, incredibly innovative and much more fun place to work.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
P.S. – If you are 29, you may want to start looking for a job (or go on unemployment, I don’t really care).
P.P.S – Follow us on SOCIAL MEDIA! That’s right, suckers, we’re on Vine, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, Tumblr, Snapchat (maybe not) – because THAT’S what my daughter Connie says the kids are doing.
P.P.P.S. – And for any old people and losers out there – we also have a web page, a broadcast network and cable channels – HA HA – pathetic.
I believe it’s time to lawyer-up! How sad!
Despite what you indicate, this is not controversial.
It’s simply illegal. It’s called discrimination.
http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/rights-against-age-discrimination-29577.html
Now go tell Kathryn Bigelow that only men can direct action movies (“Zero Dark Thirty”; “The Hurt Locker”; “K-19”), Steve McQueen that a black can’t direct a film about the Irish (“Hunger”) and Lasse Hallström that a Swede had no business directing a film about America (“What’s Eating Gilbert Grape).
You gotta quit smokin’ the cheap stuff.
It’s a damn foolish company that announces publicly that it’s actively engaging in illegal activities.
This has to be a joke….
HAHA. Knew it…
http://www.mamboawards.com/best-fictional-blog-manka-bros-studio/
Pretty sure this is satire. Nobody who’s successfully run a company is this stupid. Breathe, everyone!
Hilarious!
When I was 30, I had only been in film production for 10 years. Now, at almost 70, I think that I have more to offer. Pity I won’t offer it to this idiot. Oh, and I wouldn’t dream of spending a dime to go see anything he has come within a mile of.. Yes, and it is illegal.
Just looking at your argument. Taking males as your subject matter. It’s been scientifically established that the human male doesn’t mature intellectually until he’s around 24 years of age. We girls fortunately are quite tuned in by 17. So, are you aiming at the under 24s or above 24s? Maybe your employees need to be under 24 or between the ages of 25 and 30. And I agree with Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company and I quote, “P.S. – If you are 29, you may want to start looking for a job (or go on unemployment, I don’t really care).”
So, whipersnapper, a word of advice, hire females who are of a mature age. You might be intellectually stimulated.
Oh, by the way Mad Max was a huge success with the young males of the day, so that shoots holes in your argument and kind of supports mine. Enjoy your short carreer.
Sort career? I have been CEO of Manka Bros. since 1976! How much longer is needed to consider myself having a LONG career? Mad Max may have been cool in 1980 – but the future is “Flaccid Trip” – sorry.
I’m a youth of today and I have to agree, Flaccid Trip = awesomesauce and Mad Max = buttsauce.
I’m a youth of today and I have to agree, Flaccid Trip = awesomesauce and Mad Max = buttsauce.
Its a hoax …
Does this work even as satire? Satire by SNL, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert uses exaggeration to make people reconsider the way things are. Their tongue-in-cheek delivery also makes it work.
The fact that many of us here thought that this was serious, shows that this IS way too close to how many actually think. Post a headline suggesting that women shouldn’t be hired either and undoubtedly some will reply, “I knew that”.
Sadly, to your point, truth is often stranger than fiction. A working director in one film group advised a fledgling scriptwriter that it was okay for her to have adapted a Stephen King novel for “practice”. But before sending it to King’s agent to “impress” him, she should register it. I’m his lawyer will be impressed too.
Brilliant. Ten seconds after I started reading it I couldn’t WAIT to read the comments. Bravo. Very well done.
This is a satire on Warner Bros and Disney, who engage these practices.
I think you mean, “secretly” engage in these practices.
Why don’t you just set the age you hire at 12 and set up in southeast Asia? You were beat to the punch, before the punch line. What is probably needed in this industry in a Don Draper type of personality (mid 30s?) however, many happy returns on trying to make a buck…
David
Hilarious how many people get upset about something that clearly is a joke =-D
Yeah, age discrimination and making light of it is really funny.
Everything is a joke nowadays.
What isn’t a joke is if a 34 year old applies to this company and doesn’t get the job he or she could sue this company for age discrimination and show the company’s public statement that they won’t hire anyone over 30. The company would then have to prove that article was only a “joke”. This presumes the company would want to actually go to court.
I think this announcement and it’s subsequent “it’s a joke” addition to it is an attempt at real age discrimination by this company. Say you won’t hire anyone over 30 then say it’s a joke then don’t hire x amount of people over 30 (hire some so you don’t look like you’re discriminating) and get a pass for it because, hey “it’s a joke”.
Andrew I hate to break it to you but this is not a real company. This whole website is parody of the media industry. A quick glance at the low production value of the website should have tipped you off that this is not really “the world’s largest media company”. Time to brush up on those critical thinking skills. and remember many of those UFO videos posted on the internet are also not genuine.
Shhh… the incessantly scolding voices in Andrew’s head will not tolerate interruptions.
He he…nicely put together fake blog…that would be symptomatic of a raging mid-life crisis 😉
I’ve been 29 for a little while myself.
Creativity flows best when nurtured, age be damned. Documentarian Gene Searchinger produced his groundbreaking linguistic series “The Human Language”, when he was well into his 60s. Then repeated it with the award winning, “The Writing Code”, when he was in his 70s.
Age has very little to do with creativity. Ageism and ignorance, on the other hand, have a lot to do with stifling all that creativity.
Alfred Hitchcock made seven of his greatest films between age 54 and 61. Mark Twain published Huckleberry Finn at 49. Defoe wrote Robinson Crusoe at 58. Cezanne painted most of his greatest masterpieces in his mid-60s. The ageist know-nothings cited above should spend a few years putting something into their empty heads.
Lets face it creativity
Flows best under 40….
Stretch it ……50…….after that
You get a lot of repetitive rhetoric
& laundry list of bad habits….
Lets face it creativity Flows best under 40…. Stretch it ……50…….after that You get a lot of repetitive rhetoric & laundry list of bad habits…”
Your rhetoric reminds me of the film “Logan’s Run.” If you haven’t seen it then rent it to watch.
This is the trouble with the juveniles who want to run (or ruin Hollywood) with their disdain for anyone older. Us “old fogeys” just might provide a richness from life experiences, education, and rational thought not yet developed in our younger counterparts!
This is a satire site, but it is all too plausible!
Ageism is illegal at least in the united states under discrimination laws. That being said I would not put it past a company to secretly not hire people based on a number of factors. Proving otherwise would be very difficult especially if a company is not legally required to detail why everyone who did not get a position was not hired.
okay! I’m sucked in to comment on what is essentially a flaccid publicity stunt to draw attention to an amateurish piece that is badly acted, unfunny and poorly lit with awful sound. But I’m way over thirty, forty, fifty and will stop there because I have far better things to do than indulge in any kind of ism, especially amateurism.