lester aldrich – Those Damn Kids

June 6, 2023

I Don’t Give A S**T About Golf Anymore!

Hello…

This post is not about Those Damn Kids, I’ll get back to that soon enough. Snotty Scotty has been a terror – more on that next time.

This is about the loss in my life of one of the great passions of my life – watching professional golf.

When the Saudis started a rival league to compete directly with the PGA and a few name golfers decided to join up, shunning the organization that gave them everything they have in their life (the PGA), I said good riddance.

The those idiots in the middle east want to give a 55-year-old Phil Mickelson $100 million dollars to shoot 75 round-after-round – fine. Have a great life, Phil.

You’re the one that has to live with the fact that you’re taking money from a government who harbored terrorists that flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and has no problem chopping up a journalist (Jamal Khashoggi, let’s not forget his name) in their own Embassy (and were not penalized, but rewarded, – but I digress).

So… that, for me, was already a lot to take in. But, seriously, who gives a fuck about Phil Mickelson and the greatest choker in major golf history – Greg Norman.

But then a couple of weeks ago, Brooks Koepka, smug asshole that he is, (another one who took the $100 million from the Saudis – just to play – not even to win!) was allowed to play in the PGA Tournament. That alone felt like treason. But then, he actually won the damned thing!

Shit, man, I was livid.

I actually threw my walker at the television after that final putt.

My wife wasn’t around so I had to crawl out of my chair to retrieve my walker. I’ve said it before – it sucks to get old. Something I can’t wait for Those Damn Kids to experience in about sixty years or so.

And now… the ultimate Judas kiss.

The PGA – and it nearly kills me just to write it – and the LIV “Terrorist” League are going to MERGE!

TO MERGE!

All those golfers like Tiger and Rory, who could have a much higher payday from the Saudis, but decided that they couldn’t be bought and stayed loyal to the PGA, essentially, got screwed.

Phil Mickelson gets $100 million to shoot 75, Tiger and Rory, get bupkis.

So, I’m done with professional golf. If there is a college tournament on TV, something that is still untainted (don’t laugh at my naivete) – then maybe I’ll watch.

The PGA has broken a lot of Americans hearts today.

Everything is not about money.

Just because someone is paying you a billion dollars to look the other way doesn’t mean you have to take it.

Fuckers.

Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids

Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

October 11, 2017

I Completely Agree With Marshall Mathers!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Donald Trump, Marshall Mathers, Eminem

As a country, we have been walking on eggshells for 9 months. It has to stop!

I’m 88-years-old and everyday something new happens to further break apart our once great country.

What is coming out of that White House every day is appalling and criminal and it is eating away at millions of Americans like a cancer.

People are afraid to look at the news. People are drinking more. People are getting sicker. People are driving aggressive like maniacs because everyone is stressed because it’s ALL TOO MUCH – AND IT HAS TO STOP!

Marshall Mathers did a great service to his country by fighting back with his words. His violent, angry words that had to be said. He’s a good Michigan boy and has done a lot of great things for this state. He just did one more.

Thank you, Marshall.

The clown in chief is ruining our country! STOP HIM OR IT TRULY WILL BE TOO LATE.

I wrote a blog 2 years ago that I completely regret – because 2 years ago there was no chance in Hell that Donald Trump would become President.

So I wrote that American Needs Donald Trump to become President because… (as I wrote): He will be so horrible as a President that by 2020, Americans will do anything to reclaim their God given right to change things through the voting booth.

I never predicted it would be this bad. We don’t have until 2020.

Please listen to Marshall Mathers’ words and do something!

I’ll (hopefully) talk at you later…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

August 20, 2017

In Honor Of Jerry Lewis’ Death – The Greatest Ten Minutes Of Comedy Ever

From Don Rickles…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_mO0BXikDs

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

July 2, 2015August 6, 2015

Greece – Before and After The Referendum

There is great concern in Greece about the Referendum on whether to stay in the Eurozone or exit.

I actually know exactly what will happen and how things will change. Nothing much will happen and nothing much will change.

If the majority votes “Yes,” expect to see this:

If the majority votes “No,” expect to see this:

I’ll talk at you next week…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

June 17, 2015June 30, 2015

America Needs Donald Trump To Become President

Good afternoon from Michigan.

I’m 88-years-old and really falling apart. I may not even make to the 2016 Election (especially with Those Damn Kids running around on my grass, dropping their crappy chocolate ice cream in Mrs. Aldrich’s flowers and peeing all over my car just after I had it washed – this just all in the last hour!).

They know my hands shake too bad to load my gun with bullets – but one day I’ll get one in the chamber and there will be one less damn kid to ruin my life.

But I digress…

This isn’t about me or my colostomy bag, this is about the future of America and why we need Donald Trump to become President of the United States.

Elections are bullshit.

No one votes anymore.

We had a local election in Lansing a couple of months ago and less than 2% percent voted. There were more volunteers at the polling stations than there were voters.

Donald Trump will change that.

He will be so horrible as a President that by 2020, Americans will do anything to reclaim their God given right to change things through the voting booth.

But if we have another stale boring Presidential race and someone like Jeb Bush or Hillary Clinton becomes President, by 2020 no one will ever want to vote again.

I know I previously said Hillary Clinton will crush anyone who opposes her – and this is still true.

But maybe a village idiot like Donald Trump being elected President would really show us all how ridiculous our democracy has become.

So please, vote for Donald Trump for President – he’s the worst choice in the history of our country and the one we really need right now.

He actually said in his announcement that he would save America if he were elected – that’s one thing he was absolutely right about.

Here’s his Presidential Announcement (a must watch):

I’ll talk at you later…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

March 9, 2015

Hillary Clinton Will Crush Anyone Who Opposes Her

Good afternoon.

First, I must admit, I was wrong last week when I said “Hillary Is Toast.” For some reason, I forgot all about the Clinton political machine (how could anyone forget that?).

There is no doubt – Hillary Clinton will win the Presidential election in 2016 and be our country’s first female President.

Fox News knows this is true and is already working on a new strategy:

I’ll talk at you later…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids – Manka Bros. Studios

P.S. – People have been writing me to get back to my normal blogging topics – “Those Damn Kids” in my neighborhood and my health issues. I promise I will do that and leave the politics to the experts.

March 4, 2015March 4, 2015

Hillary Clinton Is Toast

Let’s make one thing clear: Hillary Clinton would have been President of the United States.

But – and I hate to say it – now she will never be President of the United States.

Chris Christie has a better chance of being President and he has ZERO CHANCE.

The American people are going to turn on Hillary just like they turned on Brian Williams and Bill Cosby (not in the same ballpark – he’s a rapist after all!) [lawyer’s note: ‘alleged rapist’].

It’s a matter of trust and we no longer trust Hillary Clinton, Brian Williams or Bill Cosby (and if I was woman in a room with and he offered me a drink… Jesus H. Christ – he was BILL COSBY – a huge star – most of those woman probably would have had sex with him in the regular way – which is why he is a sick psychopath) [lawyer’s note: ‘alleged sick psychopath’]

I don’t know why Hillary decided not to use her State Department email account. Maybe it was just easier on her Blackberry to use one email account for personal and work business and didn’t like switching back and forth.

It doesn’t really matter because now, no matter the reason, we suspect she was hiding something or wanted to be able to delete certain items after she sent them.

This is a shame because the Democrats have nothing now.

Hillary still might be the nominee but Democrats today are a lot less excited about her prospects.

Republicans will not let this go – much like Benghazi – and Hillary will be brought to her knees with accusations and questions and she’ll never get a chance to campaign effectively.

So – we’re probably going to have President Jeb Bush.

I’d better start stocking up on my pills.

I’ll talk at you later…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids – Manka Bros. Studios

P.S. – Maybe Al Gore will give it another go – but I’d hate to see him lose to two Bush’s. Well, he didn’t actually LOSE the first one – but I digress…

July 17, 2014July 18, 2014

The Open Championship Is My Super Bowl!

Those damn kids on my block always seem to know when and how to junk up my day.

I get up at 5:00 am every morning.

I suck some oatmeal through a straw because my teeth can’t chew anymore.

I do the crossword.

I read the news on the internet because except for the crossword, newspapers are old news.

But this morning and every morning through this weekend I am getting up at 4:00 am to watch my favorite sporting event – The Open Championship.

On these four days, I don’t care if planes are getting shot out of the sky by Russians or if Israel launches a ground invasion into Gaza.

I just want to watch The Open Championship!

Mrs. Aldrich turns on the TV for me. She liquified some strawberries and poured me a nice big glass of vodka.

I was ready for five hours of peace and enjoyment.

But, apparently, those damned mucky kids were also up and running around the the neighborhood drunk from some all night party.

They were vomiting on my lawn, fighting on my lawn, throwing eggs at my house and, in general, making me wish I was living in eastern Ukraine.

There were THUMPS and SCREAMS and there was nothing I could do.

I called the police but in East Lansing, that doesn’t really get anywhere. They don’t come for loud noise… only murder… but not for a while.

I told them that was a real possibility if those damn kids didn’t shut their yaps and go home.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, The Open Championship, Rory McIlroy, Dick Shepherd, Tom Watson, Tiger Woods, Snotty Scotty — I am choosing not to show images of Those Damn Drunken Kids

While I’m dealing with the noise and waiting on the phone, Rory McIllroy is having an incredible round with some incredible shots.

Tom Watson is, once again, playing for us old guys.

~~And Tiger Woods is in the hunt.~~ (After Round 2 strike the above comment.)

I sent Mrs. Aldrich outside to try to deal with the situation, but she came back quickly to get some water to put out a bag of flaming shit that she could see outside on the doorstep.

That was it!

Snotty Scotty and his drunken terrorists were finally going to meet their maker.

I was going to kill them, finish watching the 1st round of The Open Championship and then call the police to tell them there has been a justified killing.

Just as was going to get my gun, there was a knock at the door.

If this was ding dong ditch ’em, and I open that door and no one is there, the whole neighborhood is going up in flames. I’ll burn it all down.

Standing in the doorway was my old friend Dick Shepherd – looking worse than ever. Dick has 1/4 of a lung, one working eye, half a tongue and various other horrible ailments.

He had stomped out the flaming poop and there was no one to be seen on my lawn. Just some leftover mess that Mrs. Aldrich will clean up later.

“Dick, what the Hell? Where are those damn kids that were out here?”

“I dragged one off your lawn. There are two passed out drunk on the street.”

“But what are you doing here?”

“It’s The Open Championship – I brought a bottle of vodka.”

Good ol’ one eye, half tongue Dick. I could always count on him.

I’ll talk at you next week…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

P.S. – Rory McIlroy is leading after the 1st round at -6.

January 27, 2014January 27, 2014

The Terrorist Games of the 22nd Olympiad

You know we’re living in a crazy fucked up world when a victory for Russia is that no one gets killed during the Sochi Olympic games.

If terrorists do not strike, I can imagine Vladimir Putin shouting from the Caucasus Mountains: “See, I told you! Now please you to come to Russia for visit. We are safe!”

Yeah, fat chance, Pootie Poot.

The fact is, most people in the world will be very surprised if there isn’t at least one act of violence or terrorism during the games.

I personally believe there will be several acts of violence and probably a couple of countries will leave early because of it.

What’s the point of going there then?

I understand it for the athletes, they been training their entire young lives and this might be their only shot. If you’re a cross-country skier, you roll the dice at that point.

But why do we have to send Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie into the shit?

How many morning show hosts are we willing to sacrifice for sport? 15? 20?

Shame on you, NBC.

Send that guy that’s always in the flak jacket in Egypt. He can probably tell you what’s happening in the luge.

There’s no upside for Russia as host of these games. Why would anyone visit a place that needs 40,000 troops to protect you?

A million troops could probably protect South Sudan but you see them trying to host the Academy Awards or even a bowling tournament.

It’s such a joke.

Those Olympics venues will look like Sarajaveo’s in a couple of years with grass growing through what used to be a Curling arena or whatever.

I hear they have 40,000 troops guarding the Games.

That has to make one feel secure – 40,000 drunken Russian troops lusting after Polish ice dancers.

The goddamned Polish ice dancers never had a chance.

Oh, well, I’ll be watching.

I love the Olympics.

I’ll talk at you later…

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

P.S. – No report on Those Damn Kids this week – it’s too goddamned cold for even those little pissants to come out from their holes.

January 22, 2014January 22, 2014

Christie and McDonnell Nailed All The Seven Deadly Sins

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. Lee

This has been a terrible year for two popular Republican Governors… Chris Christie and Bob McDonnell.

Both of their political lives are basically over… “allegedly” (I was told to say by the Manka Bros. lawyers).

There were actually certain people who thought one or both of them could have one day been President!

HA!

At this point, they have a better chance to earn $1 billion from Warren Buffet for picking a perfect NCAA Men’s Basketball Bracket (which is a 1 in a 3.8 trillion chance).

So, let’s run down the 7 DEADLY SINS and see how the great men from Virginia and New Jersey fared:

SIN #1 – LUST:

This is probably the one that no one in America cares about (at least not from these guys). They both obviously had a lust for power but most think of this one in a sexual context – so let’s just assume they had it and let’s try not to think about it any more.

SIN #2 – GLUTTONY:

I’m looking at Governor Christie mainly on this one (butter ain’t butter unless it’s deep fried!). Governor McDonnell obviously has a gluttony for wedding dinners but Governor Christie had a gluttony for everyone else’s dinner.

SIN #3 – GREED:

Governor McDonnell (and wife) – any questions? And Governor Christie’s greed for political endorsements was his undoing – though it’s hard to understand why anyone would be that stupid. As a comparison, Governor Christie easily wins the battle of Greed – like a foot race between Usain Bolt and Betty White.

SIN #4 – SLOTH:

Governor Christie – any questions? In general both men are guilty because they had no desire to cover their tracks. So lazy. Corruption in the digital age has never seen such sloth. How hard is it to hide the bullshit you are attempting to do?

SIN #5 – WRATH:

The wrath by Governor Christie on those who wouldn’t endorse him is (allegedly – HA!) certainly wrath – right, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken and Mayor of Ft. Lee?

SIN #6 – ENVY:

Both Governors really envy Air Force 1 and would have loved to have been in control of that son of a bitch. Alas, ain’t gonna happen.

Mrs. McDonnell, you really couldn’t wait to demand a Rolex with an inscription? In the words of the whore Julia Roberts from “Pretty Woman” – ‘BIG MISTAKE!’

SIN #7 – PRIDE:

Governor Christie had to boast about being the guy who put the cones down during #Bridgegate. If only that’s all you did. If you kept the bridge open, you may have been President of the United States. And if Bob McDonnell would have…

Nah – Bob McDonnell wouldn’t have been gum sweeper at a Presidential theme park no matter what he did – so I suppose he should have tried to get all the shit he could. He and his wife were just really sloppy.

The real tragedy is Chris Christie – his dreams are dead.

Lester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids