Tag: Barry Diller

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 1 – Welcome To The Terrordome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM-PNrZfiU8

July 6, 2016July 8, 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 – Burn, Hollywood, Burn

OTHER SUN VALLEY 2016 POSTS:

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 – Burn, Hollywood, Burn – Part 1

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 Keynote – Burn, Hollywood, Burn (Or How The Plurals Generation Is Coming To Destroy Your Business)

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 3 – Fight The Power

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 4 – It Was A Good Day

———————

According to my daughter, Connie, Hollywood doesn’t have a future and Silicon Valley is now the center of the CREATIVE universe. Considering she is on the Board of a major Hollywood studio, this is a horrible, filthy thing to say. Because of that, she didn’t get to go to the chocolate fountain with the other moguls last night.

Her presentation later today on the “Plurals Generation” is one of the most anticipated of the conference.

First, I must recap a few highlights from last night’s drunkening at the bar. In terms of crazy Sun Valley highlights, I would this one right up there with Burning Mogul (which was truly one of the most bizarre nights of my life).

Herb Allen’s nickname in college was “Peaches” – apparently because he could cans and cans of Libby’s canned peaches in one sitting.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was able to catch 57 popcorn shrimp in his mouth (from all angles and distances). Amazing. What a site to see several drunk media and tech titans cheer as each shrimp was caught by the Prime Minister. He finally dropped when Phillippe Dauman tried to throw him one from the Frogger machine and it was such a pathetic throw there was no chance. Dauman was booed by his fellow moguls in a really ugly way.

LinkedIn’s Reid Hoffman does a spot-on Sia impersonation – his rendition of “Chandelier” was stunning. King Abdullah of Jordan wanted to hire him as the entertainment for an upcoming family wedding.

Sergey Brin is NOT good at impressions. After a few too many Micelob Ultras, he launched into his Ryan Reynolds as “Deadpool” which he wouldn’t stop even after everyone lost interest.

That’s just a sampling of the shenanigans at the ol’ Drankin’ Hole on any given night at the Herb Allen retreat.

——————————————–

But today is a new day.

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 – Burn, Hollywood, Burn

The Dawn Of The Mogul (the ridiculous “mogul anthem” written by Michael Eisner years ago) wake up call was particularly early and painful this morning – 5 a.m.

Herb Allen (or “Peaches” as we learned last night) was very adamant about staying on schedule today and it’s a very ambitious agenda (including my daughter Connie’s “Plurals Generation” presentation later today which should rile a few feathers).

We gathered near the Duck Pond for calisthenics led by the GoPro dude Nick Woodman. No one except Bob Iger and Sheryl Sandberg were able to keep up with him or even try. Dude had way too much energy – like he consumed a six-pack of Red Bull before sunrise.

After that, we picked up our (cold) breakfast burritos (out of a bin) and very weak orange juice (out of one of those summer camp machines) and trudged inside for a day of mind-numbing presentations about Brexit and global warming and the future of media, blah blah blah.

Then it’s a taco cart lunch back at the Duck Pond featuring (I’ve heard) magicians who will go from table-to-table to doing close-up magic.

Then we go right into the ping pong tournament (Mark Zuckerberg always wins)…

Followed by an ax throwing contest (Brian Roberts of Comcast usually wins that) and, finally, log rolling (surprisingly Barry Diller is very good at this) before we can get our first cocktail of the day.

My plan is to go to my daughter’s presentation and sneak away from the other bullshit.

So – the day is set – my assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry will post my daughter’s presentation as a separate entry later today after a transcript has been prepared (plus this post is getting rather long).

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 1 – Welcome To The Terrordome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM-PNrZfiU8

July 5, 2016July 8, 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 1 – Welcome To The Terrordome

OTHER SUN VALLEY 2016 POSTS:

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 – Burn, Hollywood, Burn – Part 1

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 Keynote – Burn, Hollywood, Burn (Or How The Plurals Generation Is Coming To Destroy Your Business)

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 3 – Fight The Power

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 4 – It Was A Good Day

————————————–

There’s somethin’ happenin’ here. What it is ain’t exactly clear…

Good afternoon from Sun Valley!

All of us who attend this bullshit fest year-after-year have been to Hell and back (in a non-burning show business way) many times – but, I have a feeling, nothing in our past has prepared us for what is about to come.

My daughter, Connie – who is 14 and also a prominent member on the Manka Bros. Board of Directors – has come to Sun Valley with me this year where she will be giving a keynote address on the Plural generation (or Generation Z or whatever else bullshit you want to call those brats).

As far as I can tell, and from my personal experience, this is a generation of aliens (not from foreign countries – but distant planets). I have no idea what the fuck they’re doing.

Anyway, I saw a part of her presentation on the way up here in the Manka jet in which she quotes Taylor Swift who said: “This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.”

“… And things will change.”

Goddamnit.

But seriously, haven’t things already changed enough for those little dweebs? If you were to tell me last year that videos of dorks playing games on YouTube would be watched by millions more idiots than saw our summer movie “Flaccid Trip,” I would have called you a moron.

I’m sure my friend Sumner Redstone would tell Ms. Swift in response: “Change this, mother fucker!”

But that’s not the attitude or tone Herb Allen has requested of us “in the old media” at this year’s conference.

Connie is too young to hang around the bar (my beloved Drankin’ Hole – officially the Duchin Lounge) with a bunch old white men so I probably won’t be seeing much of her this week. I told her to send me an email or contact my assistant if she plans on leaving the property for whatever reason.

After fighting Bob Iger and the Disney jet for a parking spot at the airport – I could see him screaming at us from behind a window as we pulled into our normal spot (I wouldn’t be surprised to hear our tires have been slashed when we return) – and then surviving a harrowing ride in a Google self-driving car – I finally made it to the Sun Valley Lodge.

I walked past the veal-like pen that they keep reporters in for this event – a few questions were screamed out at me but I had only one thing in mind “The Drankin’ Hole.” I hugged my daughter, handed her a list of the moguls to stay away from at all costs, and headed for the bar.

Finally, some good news. BIN TRAN HAS RETURNED!

“Bin Tran, you son of bitch!,” I shouted as I strolled in the bar.

“That’s right, my mother was a bitch. Ah, Mr. Khan Manka! So happy to see you!”

“You got your job back.”

“All thanks to you, Mr. Khan and your blog. I’m famous. I have Twitter account with followers. And the bartender last year, Gary, he got an actor job in ‘Avenue Q’ in Boise. So the Sun Valley Lodge called me and brought me back. Good thing, too, we were starting to eat the pets.”

“Well, you know what I’m after. Give me that goddamned best dirty martini on the planet.”

“Yes, sir.”

“How’s your brother, Vin, is he back, too.”

“No, he’s the black sheep now. Decided to become a dental hygienist, betray the whole family. Trans have been professional bartenders since before the French colonization… of Vietnam… that’s a long time ago. We don’t speak his name anymore.”

Bin placed that beautiful drink in front of me, I took a huge gulp and could finally relax.

“Things don’t change much around here.”

“Not true, we now have a Frogger game machine.”

“Frogger?”

I look over in the corner and sitting at old-fashioned arcade Frogger machine was Phillippe Dauman with a couple of empty glasses to the side.

“Phillip.”

“It’s PhilEEPE – don’t bother me, Khan, I’m busy!”

“You’re from Brooklyn! It’s Phillip.”

Bin Tran just shook his head. “Poor Mr. Phillip, just been playing Frogger and sucking down Gimlets all afternoon like there’s no tomorrow.”

“For him there is no tomorrow.”

Frogger is not a bad metaphor for Phillippe at this moment in his career.

After a couple moments of peaceful silence (with the exception of the occasional screaming and banging at the Frogger machine by Phillippe Dauman) the regular Sun Valley crowd started to filter in.

Sure, there are a few fresh tech faces, and a few Silicon Valley old faces, but it’s still the old media guard that runs this joint (myself, Bob Iger, Les Moonves, Jeff Bewkes, Rupert Murdoch, etc. etc. etc.) no matter what everyone else in the world says.

Goddamnit.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

June 17, 2016July 14, 2016

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWTE1Uj9Z8c

Manka Bros. Bringing Irish Potato Famine Drama To Comic-Con!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference 2013, Sun Valley Lodge, Bin Tran, Vin Tran, Lee S Ainslie III, Yousef Al Otaiba, Hans-Holger Albrecht, Paul G Allen, James Anderson, Marc Andreessen, Michael Angelakis, Tim Armstrong, Nikesh Arora, Neil M Ashe, Emilio Azcarraga, Manvinder S Banga, Lionel Barber, Craig R Barrett, Willow Bay, Andreas Bechtolsheim, Marc Benioff, Jeffrey Berg, James Berkus, Michael S Berman, Mark Bertolini, Gary Bettman, Jeff Bewkes, Jeffrey P Bezos, Aneel Bhusri, The Right Honorable Tony Blair, Gregory R Blatt, Anthony H Bloom, Michael R Bloomberg, Steven R Boal, Scott A Bommer, Cory A Booker, Jeffrey H Boyd, Sergey Brin, Glenn Britt, Tom Brokaw, Michael J Brown, Howard G Buffett, Susie Buffett, Warren Buffett, John Burbank, Stephen Burke, Erin Burnett, Ursula Burns, John E Bush, Jeanie Buss, John A Canning Jr., Chase Carey, Wences Casares, Mark Casey, Kenneth Chenault, Peter Chernin, Brian Chesky, Richard Chilton, Chris Christie, Lewis Cime, Adriana Cisneros, Gustavo Cisneros, Vittorio Colao, Timothy Collins, Patrick Collison, Timothy Cook, Anderson Cooper, David Corkins, Delos Cosgrove, Dick Costolo, Cristian Croitoru, Henry Crumpton, Jose Luis Cutrale, Will Danoff, Philippe Dauman, Christopher Davis, Alfonso de Angoitia, John DeGioia, Diego Della Valle, Brian Demain, Andre Desmarais, David DeVoe, Feroz Dewan, William DeWitt, Barry Diller, Daniel Doctoroff, Jonathan Dolgen, John Donahoe, Jack Dorsey, Michael Duke, Mathias Dopfner, David Ebersman, Wesley Edens, Marvin Edwards, Eric Eisner, Michael Eisner, John Elkann, Thomas Evans, Randel Falco, Jose Antonio Fernandez, Michael Ferror, Niall W. A. FitzGerald, Thomas Friedman, Michael Fries, Tommy Frist, Daniel Fulton, Michael Fux, Mala Gaonkar, Whitfield Gardner, William Gates, Melinda Gates, Julius Genachowski, Daniel Gilbert, Thomas Giovine, David Goldberg, Roger Goodell, Bing Gordon, Donald Graham, Brian Grazer, Brad Grey, John Griffin, Andreas Halvorsen, Reed Hastings, General Michael Hayden USAF, James Heavener, John Hendricks, John Henry, John Heyman, Kazuo Hirai, John Hock, Reid Hoffman, Won Pyo Hong, Lisa Hook, Ben Horowitz, Drew Houston, Robert Iger, David Ignatius, Martin Indyk, Phillip Jackson, Eli Jacobs, Paul Jacobs, Robert Johnson, Salar Kamanger, Peter Karmanos, Alexander Karp, Michael Karsch, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Keating, Brian Kelly, Muhtar Kent, Joseph Robert Kerrey, Dara Khosrowshahi, Seth Klaman, Joel Klein, Peter Klein, Philip H Knight, Victor Koo, Robert Kotick, Robert Kraft, Henry Kravis, Ynon Kreiz, Blake Krikorian, Ananda Krishnan, Stan Kroenke, Daniel Lamarre, Michael Larson, Martin Lau, Michael Leavitt, Jay Lee, Eric Lefkofsky, Theordore Leonsis, Max Levchin, David Levin, Phil Libin, Martin Lipton, Bryan Lourd, Kenneth W Lowe, Michael Lowenstein, Dan Lufkin, Dennis P LYnch, Michael Lynton, Maurice Levy, John Malone, Robert Marcus, Morris Mark, Donald Mattrick, Kathleen A McCarragher, General Stanley A McChrystal, Andrew McKenna, General Montgomery C Meigs, Lorenzo Mendoza, Ron Meyer, Roberto Mignone, Hiroshi Mikitani, Bill Miller, Kenneth Miranda, Thomas Monahan, Leslie Moonves, Luis Alberto Moreno, Dan Moskovitz, Craig Mundle, James Murdoch, Rupert Mudoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Nathan Myhrvold, Michael Neidorff, Jonathan M Nelson, Vivi Nevo, Sam Nunn, Michael E O'Hanlon, Daniel J O'Keefe, Don O'Neal, Ronald L Olson, Evan Osnos, CL Butch Otter, Michael Ovitz, Larry Page, Stephen G Pagliuca, Saul Pannell, Mark Papa, William Pappendick, MIchael Pausic, Minxin Pei, Francois-Henry Pinault, Mark Pincus, Laurene Powell, Lawrence F Probst, Rebecca Quick, Thomas Rabe, Jay Rasulo, Jerry Reinsdorf, Danny Rimer, Richard Riordan, Ambassador Charles H Rivkin, Brian Roberts, James Robinson IIi, James Robinson IV, Fernando Rodes Vila, Brian Rogers, Congressman Mike Rogers, Charlie Rose, Daniel Rose, Wilbur L Ross, Haim Saban, Karim Sadjadpour, Sheryl Sandberg, Ricky Sandler, Ted Sarandos, Fayez Sarofim, Nassef Sawiris, Eric Schmidt, John Schneider, Christopher Schroeder, John Scully, Allan Selig, Nicole Seligman, Eric Semler, William Siegel, Herbert Siegel, Ben Silbermann, Christopher Silbermann, Louis Simpson, Eduardo Sirotsky Melzer, Andrew Sorkin, Sir Martin Sorrell, Thomas Staggs, Cristina Stenbeck, David Stern, Michael Stone, Sir Howard Stringer, Robert Swan, Peter Thiel, Mark Thompson, Sebastian Thrun, Thomas Tull, Peter Ueberroth, Joseph Vacanti, Jeffrey Van Harte, Owen Van Natta, Martin Varsavsky, Leftie Vaughn, Michelangelo Volpi, Alexandre Von Furstenberg, Dian von Furstenberg, Casey Wasserman, David Weinberg, Judd Weinberg, Jeff Weiner, Harvey Weinstein, Wallace R Weitz, Robert Werbel, Michael White, Meg Whitman, Jim Wiatt, James Williams, Fred Wilpon, Jeffrey Wilpon, Fred Wilson, David J Winters, Nicholas Woodman, Major General Amos Yadlin, Jerry Yang, Jed York, David Zaslav, Dirk E Ziff, Gianfranco Zoppas, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Ma, Jeff Bezos, Tony Wible, Marissa Mayer, General Stanley McChrystal, John Kerry, Michael Bloomberg, Comic-Con 2016, Comic Con

Good evening from the Seychelles!

Normally I don’t make these little announcements about a film going here or premiering there – we have a team for that. But I just saw a first cut of our upcoming end of year Academy Award-type movie “Gorta Mor: Whilst Ireland Weeps” (heads up Theatrical Marketing – that horrible title is changing).

In a word: It’s spectacularly sad; spectacularly uplifting; it’s just spectacular.

Actually there are no words to describe it.

Many of you may be thinking – hey, isn’t Manka Bros. the studio that said “fuck you” to the Oscars (multiple times) and the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences?

Isn’t Manka Bros. also the studio that said “fuck you” to Comic-Con?

Yes and yes – guilty as charged.

But this film has restored my faith in shitty Hollywood organizations and dumb ass conventions full of dorks that don’t shower.

Corporate PR is taking over the next part of this post:

The movie is based on the devastating book “Gorta Mor: Whilst Ireland Weeps” written by best-selling author Alison Fogle (“Carrier Pigeons”) and tells the story of a family struggling to survive during the Irish Potato Famine in the 1850s. The movie is directed by David Mahane (“Flaccid Trip”) and stars Ray Fayton (of TV’s “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent”) and Hannah Egan (“Forensics”). Music is composed by international recording superstar Seamus who draws deep on his Irish heritage to create a truly remarkable score.

So you can see why I am so excited to get the word out – even if means going back to Comic-Con this year after the bullshit reception I got a couple of years ago.

“Gorta Mor: Whilst Ireland Weeps” should be fascinating for those freaks who attend Comic-Con who obviously know nothing about what it’s like to starve to death or even know what it’s like to go more than 15 minutes without eating some sort of salty snack.

Manka Bros. is attempting to secure Hall H as we feel the buzz surrounding this movie should create a “must see” vibe at the convention (and at theaters around the world).

I hope to see you there – from a distance – the VIP suite is for VIPs only.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

June 8, 2016June 8, 2016

Manka Bros. Is Going Over-The-Top!

Good morning!

The cord-cutters have won.

I concede.

I’m fucking sick every time there is a monthly update by Dumb Jack Fuck, SVP of the Manka Bros. Television Group, when he tells me we are losing cable subscribers at an alarming rate.

With friends like the cable MSOs, who needs enemies?

So, sorry, Comcast.

Sorry Charter/TWC – or whatever bullshit name you have now.

You won’t have Manka Bros. to negotiate with anymore. You can give our measly 65 cent per subscriber fee for Manka Classic Movies to Ovation or some other dinosaur TV channel because MANKA BROS. IS GOING OVER-THE-TOP!

Introducing MankaGoNow – the ultimate over-the-top experience for those who would rather spend their $200/month buying little tools and furniture in Minecraft.

Thanks to amazing new technology, we no longer have to get our television channels to you via a satellite orbiting the Earth. We can now deliver the same quality programming to the consumer via a cable that is buried in the ground or stretched across the ocean. That’s progress, my friends.

The time for change is now. I see the trends – LOOK AT THIS FREAKIN’ CHART!

Only old media companies with the balls to reinvent themselves (i.e., MANKA BROS.) will survive. The rest of you will continue suck down shitty martinis at The Smoke House and reflect on the great old days when no one questioned your business models and Donny & Marie ruled primetime TV.

By going direct-to-consumer, customers now get the same amazing programming that we have on our cable channels but now everything will be available at anytime on-demand ALL FOR AN AMAZING PRICE OF $34.99/MONTH!

That’s a sick deal, you cord-cutting idiots who are trying to bury old media alive in a shallow grave.

The eggheads in Manka finance say all we need are 20 million subscribers and we’re in the money (which is only a fifth of what we get now from Comcast).

If I can drink a fifth of vodka a day, I can definitely get a fifth of our current subscribers to suck-ass Comcast to plunk over $35 a month for the best content in the world.

Would you buy a Picasso for $34.99 a month?

Would you see “Hamilton” on Broadway for $34.99?

Hell, yes, you would!

“Tennessee Williams’ Haunted Alligators,” “Forensics,” “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent,” “OMDB,” – and the hits go on and on – totally on demand – watch when you want, how you want, where you want – all for $34.99 a month.

Compare MankaGoNow to other crappy services out there and, you will see, there is no comparison:

And it gets better! Because we haven’t quite figured out the payment system, we are offering this service to you for a couple of months free of charge!

Simply go HERE and poke around. If you find a show or classic film, just hit play and it will play – on-demand, for free!

You’re Welcome, World!

Remember this day – the day Manka Bros. destroyed Disney.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – The martinis at The Smoke House aren’t shitty – I was just making a point.

January 5, 2016January 5, 2016

Why Is Everyone So F-ing Proud To Have “Cut The Cord”?

Allen & Company retreat, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Carol Bartz, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Gina Bianchini, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company, Chase Carey, James Murdoch, Elisabeth Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Jim Gianopulos, Joel Klein, Jon Miller, Steve Burke, Michael Angelakis, Leslie Moonves, Philippe Dauman, Jeff Bewkes, John Martin, Howard Stringer, Rob Wiesenthal, Michael Lynton, John Malone, Greg Maffei, Haim Saban, David Zaslav, John Hendricks, Mike White, Edgar Bronfman, Len Blavatnik, Tim Armstrong, Peter Chernin, Tom Freston, Carol Bartz, Jerry Yang, Mark Pincus, Owen Van Natta, Brian Roberts, Jason Kilar, Wayne Willich, Reid Hoffman, Harvey Weinstein, Diane Von Furstenberg, Andrew Mason, Jason Kilar, Ben Horowitz, Gina Bianchini, Mark Pincus, Ali Pincus, Robert Wiesenthal, Tom Freston, Bing Gordon, Bill Gates, Chris Christie, Martin Sorrell, Eric Lefkofsky, Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Bezos, Tim Cook, Cory Booker, Michael Bloomberg, Joel Klein, Lachlan Murdoch, James Murdoch, Bobby Kotick, Marc Andreessen, Peter Thiel, Dick Costolo, Ross Levinsoh, Paul Sagan, Leslie Moonves, Tim Armstrong, Glenn Britt, Donald Graham, Kazuo Hirai, Howard Stringer, Jae-Yong Lee, Bryan Lourd, Ron Meyer, Brad Grey, Edmund Lee, Anthony Palazzo, John Malone, Chris Silbermann, Jim Berkus, Roger Goodell, David Stern, Chris Christie, Julius Genachowski, Erin Burnett, Charlie Rose, Becky Quick, Todd Davidson, Reed Hastings, Terry Semel, Jerry Yang, Ken Allen, Laurene Powell Jobs, Jean-Bernard Levy, Lucian Grainge, Jonathan Boyar, Mark Pincus, Michael Lynton, Mandy Tavakol, Mario Monti, Dave DeVoe, John Martin, Brian Roberts, David Zaslav, Mel Karmazin, Carol Bartz, Scott Thompson, Jason Kilar, King Abdullah II, Queen Rania, Queen Noor, #sv12, #Sunvalley2012, #allenco, Robert Johnson, Anne Sweeney, Brian Grazer, Michael Ovitz, Hiroshi Mikitani, Owen Van Natta, Don Mattrick

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS?!!

I talked to so many people over the Holidays in Gstaad – all telling me they “no longer have television. We finally cut the cord!” And they all seem so f-ing happy and proud of themselves.

Why is everyone so happy to see the television business fall apart!!?

Do you nutjobs realize what this means for me and my company?

We have thousands of employees (granted, most suck at their jobs or we wouldn’t be in this position) who have kids and parents and dogs – and they all need to be fed.

You happy little cord cutters are destroying many lives and should be ashamed of yourself.

And, frankly, you’re doing yourselves (and your children, parents and dogs) a disservice.

Now go watch the new season of Forensics on MBS and stop causing problems.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios

July 8, 2015July 21, 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015 – Day 1 – Virtual Reality

Day 0: Arrival — Day 1: Virtual Reality

There is something exhilarating about walking into a room and seeing Barry Diller wearing a virtual reality headset, gesturing wildly and emitting sounds like a child at Disneyland.

Actually there is nothing exhilarating about it. The word I meant to use was “wrong” – “creepy” would also work.

Supposedly, the 15-year-old founder of Oculus Rift set Mr. Diller up with a interactive western experience per his request.

I walked up to Barry as he made wild gestures in the air:

“What you watchin, Bar?”

“It’s an interactive movie – a western. Piss off.”

“Can I see?”

“No, fuck off.”

I was able to get a screenshot of his VR experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Virtual Reality and realize it’s going to be a huge business for a very small percentage of the world (0.01% at the high end).

During a VR panel featuring Oculus Rift founder Skippy Youngone (or something) we learned that Oculus was planning some disturbing new uses for the VR headset including the ability to feel real pain when shot or stabbed during a video game (it only will cost an additional $600 for that feature) – though actual bleeding is still “years away,” Skippy said somewhat sadly.

The most astonishing new business was a super clandestine project developed in the basement of the Oculus lab (the Sub-Zero 4T lab) focusing on real life end-of-life-solutions in which terminally ill people can choose the way they will die, i.e., getting eaten by piranhas, jumping into a volcano, ninja battle, dying in your sleep [my personal favorite].

Just put on the Oculus headset (for extra cost you can add the pain feeling armband and touch finger sensors) and when you’re ready to die someone will assist you with your pre-selected choice and you will die virtually… and actually.

Those of us in the room closer to the end of life than the beginning were thoroughly enchanted / horrified by this idea and wanted to learn more.

But then, Actual Reality took over the room as we started to see that the world outside of Sun Valley is falling apart.

China (which we all rely on to save our businesses from stagnant growth because of an inability to grow domestically) has returned to being a third-world country after the past month’s epic stock market collapse which has left villagers (who invested so many chickens and goats into the booming market ) longing for the old days of famine and misery.

Herb Allen attempted to keep the conference on track by going forward with a few lame panels (some bullshit about solar, something stupid about colonizing Mars and Defense Secretary Ashton Kushner assuring everyone that everything is awesome except ISIS) but you could tell the mood of the conference has shifted.

All around The Great Hall of the Moguls (The Limelight Ballroom), Captains of Industry were just staring at their phones not knowing what the F was happening (though they all claim to know).

It was decided by a core group of us that the plan for the rest of the conference is to get drunk, eat steak and worry for a couple more days in Sun Valley and then get back on our planes – whether it be to the Hamptons, Hawaii or Europe – and then continue to worry the rest of the summer.

Jeff Katzenberg – ever the failed optimist – is heading to Comic-Con as though that means anything anymore.

Not that the sky is falling… but, yes, the sky is falling.

And Manka Bros. just finished our five-year-plan in which 80% of our profits from 2020 are projected to come from China.

I think we’ll just change “China” to “Bulgaria” in the plan because that has a better chance of working out.

As Simpson’s Comic Book Guy would say: “Worst Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference ever!”

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 7, 2015July 8, 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015 – Arrival

Day 0: Arrival — Day 1: Virtual Reality

Good afternoon from Sun Valley!

It’s another glorious day and I can’t tell you how excited I am for this year’s Herb Allen Sun Valley Retreat.

The stars have aligned (unlike previous years which were total shit – except the The Acid Trip year and Burning Mogul which were fucking insane) and I am school girl giddily excited to witness the innovation and world-changing dialogue that will come from this year’s conference.

HA HA – I’m kidding, of course!

This will be another excrement drunk fest posing as an important “meeting of the masterminds” from the world of tech, media, communication and politics.

I feel bad for the poor journalists who have to stand in their little veal pen and cover this. It’s like covering a vomit festival from the vomitorium’s point of view (or something).

But I digress…

I have arrived and can’t wait to see what the Old White Men of Media (OWMOM) believe will happen in the future (new platforms and China anyone?). I don’t lump myself in the OWMOM crowd because Manka Bros. has decided not to hire anyone over the age of 30 – which will keep my brain young forever.

Luckily, we also have the Powerful Young White Men of Tech (PYWMOT – which I believe was a Michael Jackson song) here to tell us why the OWMOM are wrong.

It should be fascinating couple of days for a select few pricks.

If only I planned to pay attention.

My focus – as in previous years – is to get drunk and stay drunk.

The greatest bartender in the world – the luminous Bin Tran at “The Drankin’ Hole” (Duchin Lounge) is standing by to get me hammered and I must not keep him waiting.

I checked in and was handed a ticket for the ice cream sundae bar which will be set-up after dinner. Apparently last year two very prominent unnamed guests had multiple portions which resulted in someone having to take a helicopter to Ketchum to get Warren Buffet his favorite rainbow sherbert.

My room was a disappointment. It overlooks the colored ball pit attraction in the Kids’ Club (perhaps I am being punished for blogging about the conference). I asked to overlook the Hot Tub Grotto because I heard Brett Ratner and James Packer might be coming with a few “special guests” – but I suppose you can’t always get what you want.

I changed into my drinking shoes and slacks and headed straight for The Drankin’ Hole.

Let me get right to it… this conference will suck more than anything has ever sucked before.

Bin Tran and his brother Vin Tran were fired last year (reasons unknown) and replaced by some time actor Gary Golden.

Before I could even get my drink order in he told me he was going to be playing Bert in a Ketchum Music Theater production of “Mary Poppins” – and bartending isn’t want he really wants to do – and how can he get someone at Manka Bros. to look at his acting reel and… bullshit bullshit bullshit!

Eventually, I asked him to shut the fuck up, and to give me a bottle of vodka and a basket of fries.

Finally, Les Moonves entered and sat next to me. He carried with him the exhaustion of a man who just traveled four hours by private plane.

Les: The days are getting shorter, Khan.

I could have said something back like “Hello” – but I just wanted to let his words hang in the air and drink in silence.

But not 5 seconds later, Jeffrey Katzenberg popped his face in between us and said “WASSSUP?!”

At this point, all I want to do is get as hammered as possible before this infernal barbecue tonight.

Maybe they’ll roast a fallen mogul on a spit – seems apt for this place.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company