NBC Universal – Page 4 – Chairman's Blog

July 14, 2014July 15, 2014

Manka Bros. To Produce Lots Of Event Series

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference 2013, Sun Valley Lodge, Bin Tran, Vin Tran, Lee S Ainslie III, Yousef Al Otaiba, Hans-Holger Albrecht, Paul G Allen, James Anderson, Marc Andreessen, Michael Angelakis, Tim Armstrong, Nikesh Arora, Neil M Ashe, Emilio Azcarraga, Manvinder S Banga, Lionel Barber, Craig R Barrett, Willow Bay, Andreas Bechtolsheim, Marc Benioff, Jeffrey Berg, James Berkus, Michael S Berman, Mark Bertolini, Gary Bettman, Jeff Bewkes, Jeffrey P Bezos, Aneel Bhusri, The Right Honorable Tony Blair, Gregory R Blatt, Anthony H Bloom, Michael R Bloomberg, Steven R Boal, Scott A Bommer, Cory A Booker, Jeffrey H Boyd, Sergey Brin, Glenn Britt, Tom Brokaw, Michael J Brown, Howard G Buffett, Susie Buffett, Warren Buffett, John Burbank, Stephen Burke, Erin Burnett, Ursula Burns, John E Bush, Jeanie Buss, John A Canning Jr., Chase Carey, Wences Casares, Mark Casey, Kenneth Chenault, Peter Chernin, Brian Chesky, Richard Chilton, Chris Christie, Lewis Cime, Adriana Cisneros, Gustavo Cisneros, Vittorio Colao, Timothy Collins, Patrick Collison, Timothy Cook, Anderson Cooper, David Corkins, Delos Cosgrove, Dick Costolo, Cristian Croitoru, Henry Crumpton, Jose Luis Cutrale, Will Danoff, Philippe Dauman, Christopher Davis, Alfonso de Angoitia, John DeGioia, Diego Della Valle, Brian Demain, Andre Desmarais, David DeVoe, Feroz Dewan, William DeWitt, Barry Diller, Daniel Doctoroff, Jonathan Dolgen, John Donahoe, Jack Dorsey, Michael Duke, Mathias Dopfner, David Ebersman, Wesley Edens, Marvin Edwards, Eric Eisner, Michael Eisner, John Elkann, Thomas Evans, Randel Falco, Jose Antonio Fernandez, Michael Ferror, Niall W. A. FitzGerald, Thomas Friedman, Michael Fries, Tommy Frist, Daniel Fulton, Michael Fux, Mala Gaonkar, Whitfield Gardner, William Gates, Melinda Gates, Julius Genachowski, Daniel Gilbert, Thomas Giovine, David Goldberg, Roger Goodell, Bing Gordon, Donald Graham, Brian Grazer, Brad Grey, John Griffin, Andreas Halvorsen, Reed Hastings, General Michael Hayden USAF, James Heavener, John Hendricks, John Henry, John Heyman, Kazuo Hirai, John Hock, Reid Hoffman, Won Pyo Hong, Lisa Hook, Ben Horowitz, Drew Houston, Robert Iger, David Ignatius, Martin Indyk, Phillip Jackson, Eli Jacobs, Paul Jacobs, Robert Johnson, Salar Kamanger, Peter Karmanos, Alexander Karp, Michael Karsch, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Keating, Brian Kelly, Muhtar Kent, Joseph Robert Kerrey, Dara Khosrowshahi, Seth Klaman, Joel Klein, Peter Klein, Philip H Knight, Victor Koo, Robert Kotick, Robert Kraft, Henry Kravis, Ynon Kreiz, Blake Krikorian, Ananda Krishnan, Stan Kroenke, Daniel Lamarre, Michael Larson, Martin Lau, Michael Leavitt, Jay Lee, Eric Lefkofsky, Theordore Leonsis, Max Levchin, David Levin, Phil Libin, Martin Lipton, Bryan Lourd, Kenneth W Lowe, Michael Lowenstein, Dan Lufkin, Dennis P LYnch, Michael Lynton, Maurice Levy, John Malone, Robert Marcus, Morris Mark, Donald Mattrick, Kathleen A McCarragher, General Stanley A McChrystal, Andrew McKenna, General Montgomery C Meigs, Lorenzo Mendoza, Ron Meyer, Roberto Mignone, Hiroshi Mikitani, Bill Miller, Kenneth Miranda, Thomas Monahan, Leslie Moonves, Luis Alberto Moreno, Dan Moskovitz, Craig Mundle, James Murdoch, Rupert Mudoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Nathan Myhrvold, Michael Neidorff, Jonathan M Nelson, Vivi Nevo, Sam Nunn, Michael E O'Hanlon, Daniel J O'Keefe, Don O'Neal, Ronald L Olson, Evan Osnos, CL Butch Otter, Michael Ovitz, Larry Page, Stephen G Pagliuca, Saul Pannell, Mark Papa, William Pappendick, MIchael Pausic, Minxin Pei, Francois-Henry Pinault, Mark Pincus, Laurene Powell, Lawrence F Probst, Rebecca Quick, Thomas Rabe, Jay Rasulo, Jerry Reinsdorf, Danny Rimer, Richard Riordan, Ambassador Charles H Rivkin, Brian Roberts, James Robinson IIi, James Robinson IV, Fernando Rodes Vila, Brian Rogers, Congressman Mike Rogers, Charlie Rose, Daniel Rose, Wilbur L Ross, Haim Saban, Karim Sadjadpour, Sheryl Sandberg, Ricky Sandler, Ted Sarandos, Fayez Sarofim, Nassef Sawiris, Eric Schmidt, John Schneider, Christopher Schroeder, John Scully, Allan Selig, Nicole Seligman, Eric Semler, William Siegel, Herbert Siegel, Ben Silbermann, Christopher Silbermann, Louis Simpson, Eduardo Sirotsky Melzer, Andrew Sorkin, Sir Martin Sorrell, Thomas Staggs, Cristina Stenbeck, David Stern, Michael Stone, Sir Howard Stringer, Robert Swan, Peter Thiel, Mark Thompson, Sebastian Thrun, Thomas Tull, Peter Ueberroth, Joseph Vacanti, Jeffrey Van Harte, Owen Van Natta, Martin Varsavsky, Leftie Vaughn, Michelangelo Volpi, Alexandre Von Furstenberg, Dian von Furstenberg, Casey Wasserman, David Weinberg, Judd Weinberg, Jeff Weiner, Harvey Weinstein, Wallace R Weitz, Robert Werbel, Michael White, Meg Whitman, Jim Wiatt, James Williams, Fred Wilpon, Jeffrey Wilpon, Fred Wilson, David J Winters, Nicholas Woodman, Major General Amos Yadlin, Jerry Yang, Jed York, David Zaslav, Dirk E Ziff, Gianfranco Zoppas, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Ma, Jeff Bezos, Tony Wible, Marissa Mayer, General Stanley McChrystal, John Kerry, Michael Bloomberg, Attila the Hun

Good evening from my house in the Seychelles!

I flew here directly from Herb Allen’s worst Sun Valley conference ever.

Maybe he should just stop and hand it off to Herbert Allen, Jr. Jr. (if there is such a thing).

There’s really no point to these blow fests every year.

The only thing we learned this year was that if you are powerful in business you probably suck at comedy.

It’s nearly 10pm here and I’m bored out of my mind.

Sometimes liquor is a great cure for boredom. Not this time and the internet is awful in the summer with everything being written by interns while the normal writers are on vacation. (Actually, the internet is pretty much always awful.)

I did notice on Deadline.com (which is the reason I’m blogging) that Spike TV is producing “Tut” – an event series starring Sir Ben Kingsley based on the life of King Tut.

SIR BEN KINGSLEY ON SPIKE TV?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Spike TV is the lowest of the low. Maybe a few WWE wrestlers can make cameos in “Tut” and cross-promote.

It seems like this kind of production would need muscle guys slathered in oil screaming at each other.

Is it that easy these days to get Sir Ben Kingsley in a TV series?

Or has his career sunken so low that he has to appear on Spike?

Either way – Manka Bros. is leaping into this phenomenon called “Event Series” with an incredibly ambitious slate that I just thought of in the past few minutes.

Highlights from our upcoming productions include:

“Attila” – A 20-part event series based on the life of Attila the Hun.

“Stalin” – A 15-part event series based on the life of Joseph Stalin.

“Arianna” – A 19-part event series based on the life of Arianna Huffington.

“Quixote” – A 9-part event series based on the life of Don Quixote.

“Thor” – A 12-part event series based on the life of the Norse God Thor.

“Khan” – A 30-part event series based on the life of Khan Manka (Sr.)

“Einstein” – A 12-part event series based on the life of Albert Einstein.

“Super” – A 17-part event series based on the life of Super Dave Osborne.

“Confucius” – A 5-part event series based on the life of Confucius.

“Fillmore” – A 13-part event series based on the life of Millard Fillmore.

“Wagner” – A 20-part event series based on the life of Robert Wagner.

“Wagner” – A 6-part event series based on the life of Richard Wagner.

“Picasso” – A 4-part event series based on the life of Pablo Picasso.

(Note: All of these may star Sir Ben Kingsley or actors who know Sir Ben Kingsley.)

——————————————-

The list goes on and on.

I can think up names of historical figures all day long with the best of ’em. (Are you paying attention, Ben Silverman?)

And Manka Bros. is going to own this market of thinking up event series ideas based on people’s lives (ideas that strangely didn’t appeal to anyone in Hollywood over last few decades even though the source material was always just sitting there).

I may return to the States later this week to attend Comic-Con even though they said they wouldn’t invite me back after my last keynote address.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 10, 2014July 10, 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014 – Improv Night

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Day 1: The End Of Cynicism

Day 2: Pivot

Day 3: Improv Night

You know what? F these young tech dorks!

The great John Grisham once wrote there is a “Time To Kill” (or Jesus said it in the Bible – I don’t know)… but last night was almost my time to kill several asshole billionaire millennials.

I just wanted to strangle them with those tight t-shirts they’re so proud of wearing.

Herb Allen has lost control of this conference. He has been overly enamored and completely overrun by the arrogant pricks that are the Silicon Valley t-shirt mafia.

Let me step back…

After a fucking long day of interviews and presentations from the likes of Phil Jackson and Larry Page (Larry talked about robots – that’s the pot calling the kettle black – he IS a robot!) in which they said everything and yet nothing, all we in the captive audience wanted to do was relax, have a drink and a little fun.

Every year, there is always one night that is set aside for some type of entertainment in which we, the attendees, are the entertainers.

It could be a karaoke night. A boxing tournament. Or even the controversial (and truly horrific) “Burning Mogul” event from a couple of years ago.

This year, Herb decided it would be fun to put on skits and songs like kids do at real summer camps. It sort of sounded like fun – many emails were sent back and forth from everyone and we all agreed.

Warren Buffett fought very hard to put on some sort of Broadway musical but there weren’t enough female moguls available to fill all the parts of something like that.

So short little rehearsed sketches or songs was the final decision.

Tim Armstrong was going to be at the piano (he plays better than Lang Lang, you know) and would accompany anyone that needed it.

It was all set.

Harvey Weinstein and I were going to do the “Dave’s not here” bit from Cheech & Chong. I had that record memorized when I was younger.

But then punk ass Zuckerberg decided he didn’t want to do a skit or song. He wanted to do improv and have an improv jam.

An improv jam in the Great Hall of the Moguls (The Limelight Ballroom)?

The fuck?!

And Herb Allen caved immediately and said it was a great idea. Much better than what he had planned.

So the skits were off and I witnessed what was possibly the worst display of comedy I have seen since our pilot episode of “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent.”

I would have preferred to sit and watch Barry Diller play video games on Twitch than to watch this terrible terrible improv show.

True horror is watching Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Weiner and Ben Horowitz improvising a rap version of the “Gilligan’s Island” theme song (on an audience suggestion by Jeff Bezos).

Words can’t describe the discomfort we all felt when General Stanley McChrystal was pulled up into a scene where he was asked to get a reservation at a Mexican restaurant from an unintelligible Mexican waiter (played painfully by Les Moonves).

The General was genuinely angry and absolutely flustered by the whole experience.

It was gut-wrenching.

But the young punks ate it up.

I haven’t seen people laugh at something so awful since I was kneed in the nuts by Sumner Redstone in front of his family.

Other lowlights include:

A Charlie Rose chiquita banana bit (no further comment necessary)

A painful first date improv which took place at a laundry mat featuring Marissa Mayer (who still refuses to fix her thrashed voice – though she was the first to arrive, well ahead of schedule) and Michael Bloomberg. There was so much silence and embarrassment that people started shouting out things for them to say. They still stood, unable to come up with anything and then just stopped.

To finish, Harvey Weinstein jumped up and did a sort of one man show where he is ordering God to make some changes on Earth. It sounds funnier than it was because his changes were so stupid and it went on like 25 minutes.

It was a complete humiliation for everyone involved.

The coming together of old and new media took a huge step backwards last night.

Just a massive epic fail.

Oh well – today’s panels are dominated by old media guys talking about content. It’s our day to shine!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 9, 2014July 10, 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014 – Day 2 – Pivot

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Day 1: The End Of Cynicism

Day 2: Pivot

Day 3: Improv Night

I hate buzz words.

I don’t use them. I make fun of those that use them.

I didn’t go to business school so I didn’t learn how to speak cliches in meetings.

I went to drug-taking-son-of-movie-mogul school and we didn’t use buzz words except for “far out.”

It seems that everyone you hire from Ivy leagues schools has lost their ability to express themselves in a natural way.

Yet we keep hiring them because there are only so many drug-taking sons-of-movie-moguls in the talent pool and we can’t take a chance on someone from Arizona State (seriously).

But today, a buzz word is apt.

Manka Bros. and Hollywood MUST PIVOT!

Last night, as I got hammered with my old media buddies and talked about the houses we own and the places we’re planning to go for the summer – I noticed over in a corner a bunch of the young tech heads who weren’t getting that drunk and who weren’t talking about anything other than the products they create.

We have NO CHANCE against much younger people who want to do nothing but talk about their work.

There are too many distractions in Hollywood.

We are rich men living rich men lives.

We drink a lot of expensive wine and scotch.

If we’re just going to concentrate on our work all the time we may as well live in a fleabag apartment in Pacoima and take the bus to work.

The spoils are the reason we got in this business.

So here I am with Rupert (who is not allowed to buy my company at any price. I’m a real mogul – not a hired mogul) and Haim Saban and a few other old media guys at the bar getting lit.

Over in one corner, sporting various wearable devices (Google glasses, Oculus viewfinders, GoPro cameras, etc.) are Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Mark Zuckerberg and the Pinterest guy and the GoPro surfer guy… and they’re freakin’ talking about the shit they make!!

And then I spot Bob Iger wearing that virtual reality helmet.

What?! Bob Iger?!

You see, Bob is no idiot.

He knows what the Hell is going on.

Though he does look ridiculous in his high collar shirt with the Oculus thing on his face pretending to be skydiving.

All this change has been happening and we have been so ignorant and so resistant!

I left my old drunk friends at the bar and squeezed my way into the hacky-sack circle of tech punks and I learned a few things.

First of all, according to the Google guys, we need to get a YouTube channel and probably buy some multi-channel network (called MCNs) of some sort.

There is a MankaBrosStudios YouTube channel, but surprise surprise, we don’t own it.

I think we should buy it back for whatever it costs and maybe one of those gamer channels where dumb asses pay to watch other dumb asses play video games on the internet.

YouTube is buying something called Twitch and I think we need to get into that as well. Some Twitch channel that dumb asses will pay us to watch.

I have ordered my assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry, to give these instructions to the Manka Business Development group to make all of this happen immediately!

(Note: She shouldn’t have to do that because, as you know, reading my blog is mandatory and subject to termination if you don’t!)

Manka Bros. must PIVOT, DISRUPT, LEAN IN and EXECUTE!

CAPISCE?

Today, there is an endless stream of horrific PowerPoint presentations that I said I would attend. There is break this afternoon before our dinner tonight and annual variety show. FYI, Harvey Weinstein and I are doing an old Cheech & Chong bit which should surely kill in that room.

If anyone needs to reach me – the afternoon window is your only chance.

Make this shit happen or all of you are toast and I’ll restaff with new recruits from Arizona State!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 8, 2014July 10, 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014 – Day 1 – The End of Cynicism

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Day 1: The End of Cynicism

Day 2: Pivot

Day 3: Improv Night

Well, fuck, it’s that time of year again.

I contemplated not going at all to the Herb Allen’s Sun Valley snorefest, but decided it was in my company’s best interest… ah, fuck that, I just wanted to get away from Hollywood which is so freakin’ boring in the summer.

But something magical happened to me on the two-hour flight up here from Burbank.

Captain Randy let me fly the plane for a bit over the mountains and it was just so beautiful that I actually started to smile. And I decided then and there to try and make this week a POSITIVE experience.

Over the past few years (2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013), I was so negative about the pointlessness of the whole week, that I didn’t even try to have a good attitude.

(I mean, seriously, it is hard to have a good attitude when the planned events include the Mogolympics, Burning Mogul – and who could forget 2012’s acid trip experiment – see right.)

But none of that this year, I am going to be a willing participant no matter how stupid the activity.

I may even try to drum up a little business for the studio.

We haven’t done any major deals in a while and we’re just sitting on a bunch of cash which I really haven’t found any use for (except for a few personal real estate transactions).

One deal that definitely won’t happen, Manka Bros. will not buy DreamWorks Animation so stop with the texts, Katzenberg – though I will keep the champagne you sent to my room.

So, I have a arrived – one of the first ones here as always. As I sip my champagne (not the first of the day – I had a couple of belts on the plane) while dictating this blog over the phone to my assistant, I am genuinely excited about what is to come.

There are great changes happening in our business – even though my mogul brethren and I hate to acknowledge it – and we must embrace these changes or die.

We don’t want the dorks from Oculus Rift taking over the store.

WE will continue to produce and control the best content known to man (and wo-man) and no one is going to take that away from us.

Movie studios have always been the incubators of the world’s greatest creative minds and NOT relic-filled museums.

But I digress so that I may drink.

I understand the best bartender on the planet, Bin Tran is back at his post in The Drankin’ Hole after taking last year off (family emergency my ass).

Things are already looking up.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – I wonder whose job it is to make sure Marissa Mayer doesn’t sleep through dinner tonight?

May 29, 2014

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Kevin Reilly A Job

It has been brought to my attention that Kevin Reilly – the futurist former head of the Fox Broadcasting Company – has been forcibly removed from his post and is now looking forward to forcibly spending “more time with his family.”

Rupert Murdoch, my old friend, you have made a grave mistake.

Kevin Reilly had the balls to bring us such shows as…

(I don’t really know, can someone in Media Research fill in the rest of this sentence – he must have done something, right?)

Did Fox do “Barney Miller”?

He has also done tons of other really important shit (again, Research, help me out).

Anyway, Kevin, I speak directly to you now – I love that you wanted to eliminate pilot season.

I, personally, have decided to eliminate the development process. We just go directly to series based on first drafts.

Anyone who writes in complete sentences knows more than Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group), so why would we want him to read scripts and make notes. What the fuck does he know? He was a Radio Shack cashier before he won that goddamned reality show contest which made him the head of the Television Group.

But I digress…

Kevin, seriously, you can take any job you want. Over-the-Top networks are pretty trendy right now. We could give you money to make little videos for YouTube. That’s cool, right?

Or you could produce shit for Manka Broadway. Or publish books in our book division. Or even sell branded socks in Consumer Products.

Whatever job you want – you can have. Except mine. And except Lloyd Grohl.

You could even have a Board seat. We are so ready to dump Diahann Carroll it’s not even funny.

Think about it, Kevin. This is the best offer you will get.

Everyone else is doomed to fail.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

March 12, 2014March 12, 2014

Profits Up – Time For Cuts

Good morning.

As many of you know, Manka Bros. had an excellent 2013 (mainly from the asbestos lawsuit payout from the state [yeah, baby!] and increased attendance at our Manka Fun Parks due to the new Animaltered Attractions in Des Moines and Halifax).

Because of our good fortune and superior senior management (with the exception of Jay McBee in the Television Group), we, unfortunately, must make some severe cuts in order to continue to grow.

Many of the overhead cuts we must make will certainly impact many lives (because you won’t be getting paid anymore and we live in a society where money is important), but those affected can take comfort in the fact that because they lost their job, Manka Bros. will continue to thrive.

I will leave it to the divisional heads to make the ultimate decision on who and how many get cut put here is a percentage breakdown of the mandatory cuts:

MANKA BROS. THEATRICAL GROUP:

Manka Bros. Films: Great looking 2014 Film Slate (great work, Robin!) should be a solid year [20% ACROSS THE BOARD CUT]

Manka Highbrow: Another solid slate for 2014. Small films can be profitable as long as we cut cut cut! [15% CUT]

Manka Dogme: No cuts – love that Barbecue movie!

Manka Docs: Moving to an acquisition only strategy [EVERYONE IN PRODUCTION CUT]

Manka Mumblecore: Launching division in 2nd Quarter [30% CUT]

MANKA BROS. TELEVISION GROUP:

MBS: Broadcast is dying, our management sucks and we need MUCH better programming – [40% CUT IN DEVELOPMENT]

Manka Business Channel: Must relaunch with a new political leaning – [100% OF LIBERALS CUTS – FISCAL CONSERVATIVES HIRED TO REPLACE]

Manka Classic Movies: Doing great – subs and subscriber fees are up. [20% CUT – but that’s only 2 people – 10 people run that whole channel!]

Manka Legends, Manka Memories, Manka Food & Drink Channel and Manka Sports Network [NO CUTS – ALL ARE RELAUNCHING]

MANKA MUSIC GROUP:

NO CUTS! The Music Industry is incredibly healthy! Thanks to Seamus and Mac McCord for excellent album launches!

MANKA PUBLISHING GROUP:

Manka Books and Mankazines: You don’t need me to tell you how fucked you are – you can either CUT yourselves or wait until somebody comes around to your cubicle but it will happen at some point (unless you work on the few blockbuster titles/authors we have remaining.

OTHER BUSINESSES:

Manka Kids and Manka Fun Parks: No cuts yet – formulating new strategy/expansion plans.

Manka Broadway: Will evaluate after the opening of “Rampage of the Stegosaur – The Musical.”

Corporate has recommended to me that no cuts be made in Corporate.

I’ll go along with that for now – but I’ll be watching!

——————–

So that’s it.

Get to work making those cuts.

After the task is complete, I’ll have some sort of barbecue or party at my house for those who are left.

Looking forward to a very bright future!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 17, 2014January 17, 2014

Sundance: Manka Bros. Acquires ‘Scoiattolo che mangia arancio’

Amy Mcgee, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Brooks Addicott, Casey De la Rosa, Derek Cianfrance, Elizabeth Leidt, FilmBuff, Harvey Weinstein, James Schamus, Jeff Schamus, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Cooper, John Sloss, John Wells, Julieta Esteban, Khan Manka, Krissy Bailey, Kristina Parker, Lauren Larson, Lisa Cholodenko, Maggie Sowell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Melissa Ventura, Peter Rice, Ricki Stern, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Epstein, Robert Redford, Rosie Wong, Shari Springer Berman, Spencer Susser, Tatiana Tensen, Terry Semel, The Weinstein Company

Hello from Maui!

I’m feeling much better and have recovered from the outrageous snub from the Motion Picture Academy – yet still, fuck the Academy Awards.

But life in Hollywood must continue.

As many of you have read, Manka Bros. has stopped going to the Sundance Film Festival because certain executives in the past chose to spend the week living like Caligula rather than conducting business.

Plus, I was getting sick of all the shit that was coming out of that festival – nothing but whiny little prick characters wearing soiled winter coats and not combing their hair. They all were meeting up with fucked up siblings and visiting their fucked up parents for the last time before somebody died.

Either that or some crappy “found footage” horror movie.

And when you would meet the filmmaker, you would discover deep-down what they really want to do is direct the next “Batman” movie and bang chicks. And the female directors pretty much wanted to do the same thing.

All phonies.

But finally a breakthrough!

We discovered a movie that transcends all the bullshit. It is pure, beautiful filmmaking and I knew we needed to have it.

And, goddamnit, we got it! We beat that son of a bitch Harvey Weinstein.

Suck on that, loser!

It’s a short (without sound) – which just might the future – and didn’t cost that much – a few hundred thousand – but it’s a masterpiece.

Congratulations to the team who discovered this online (another cost saver!) and get ready world because “Scoiattolo che mangia arancio” is a game changer!

Click here to watch:

SCOIATTOLO CHE MANGIA ARANCIO

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 16, 2014January 16, 2014

F The Academy Awards

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben Silverman, Colin Firth, Harrison Ford, Jake Gyllenhaal, Laura Linney, James McAvoy, Mo'Nique, Julianne Moore, Christoph Waltz, Colleen Atwood, Milena Canonero, Betsy Heimann, Judianna Mokovsky, Ha Nguyen, Ken Adam, Rick Carter, Lilly Kilvert, Rusty Smith, George DeTitta, K.C. Fox, nancy Haigh, Leslie Pope, Sandy Reynolds Wasco, Russ Alsobrook, Robbie Greenberg, Julio Macat, Hiro Narita, Amelia Vincent, Wes Anderson, Roger Corman, Lasse Hallstrom, Mike Leigh, Errol Morris, Lone Scherfig, Joe Berlinger, Liz Garbus, Alex Gibney, Mark Lewis, Julia Reichert, Michael Barker, Peter Chernin, Camela Galano, Brad Grey, Lisa Henson, Bill Mechanic, Robert Shaye, Patrick Wachsberger, David Brenner, Lisa Zeno Churgin, Lynzee Klingman, Michael Tronick, Billy Weber, Lois Burwell, David Marti, Montse Ribe, Ve Neill, Aldo Signoretti, Kazuhiro Tsuji, Bryan Adams, Eric Clapton, The Edge, Michael Giacchino, Suzana Peric, Dean Pitchford, Arthur Cohn, Eric Fellner, Samuel Goldwyn, Charles Roven, Jennifer Todd, Suzanne Todd, Duncan Clark, Therese Curtin, Rob Friedman, Nancy Utley, Jochen Alexander Freydank, Martin McDonagh, Dean Parisot, Signe Baumane, Sharon Calahan, Pete Docter, Chris Landreth, Bill Plympton, Wendy Tilby, Chris Wedge, Karen Baker Landers, Willie Burton, Benjamin Burtt, Anthony Ciccolini, Mary Jo Lang, Virginia Cook-McGown, Dean Zupancic, Eric Brevig, John Frazier, Michele Moen, Mark Stetson, Hoyt Yeatman, Hossein Amini, Judd Apatow, Guillermo Arriaga, Diablo Cody, Geoffrey Fletcher, Christopher Hampton, Robin Swicord, Grover Crisp, Ray Dolby, Sarah Halley Finn, Ron Stein, Beverly Joanna Wood, Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Hudson, Wes Studi, Michelle Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Lisa Cholodenko, Christopher Nolan, John Singleton, Kathleen Bennett, Bono, T Bone Burnett, Pablo Helman, Van Ling, Helena Packer, Lynzee Klingman, Demian Bichir, George Clooney, Jean Dujardin, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Kenneth Branagh, Jonah Hill, Nick Nolte, Christopher Plummer, Max Von Sydow, Glenn Close, Viola Davis, Rooney Mara, Meryl Streep, Michelle Williams, Berenice Bejo, Jessica Chastain, Melissa McCarthy, Janet McTeer, Octavia Spencer, Alain Gognol, Jean-Loup Felicioli, Fernando Trueba, Javier Mariscal, Jennifer Yuh Nelson, Chris Miller, Gore Verbinski, Robert Gould, Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan, Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo, Anne Seibel, Helene Dubreuil, Rick Carter, Lee Sandales, Guillaume Schiffman, Jeff Cronenweth, Robert Richardson, Emmanuel Lubezki, Janusz Kaminski, Lisy Christl, Mark Bridges, Sandy Powell, Michael O'Connor, Arianne Phillips, Michel Hazanavicius, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Terrence Malick, Danfung Dennis, Mike Lerner, Marhsal Curry, Sam Cullman, Joe Berlinger, Bruce Sinofsky, Wim Wenders, Gian-Piero Ringel, TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay, Richard Middlemas, Robin Fryday, Gail Dolgin, Rebecca Cammisa, Julie Anderson, James Spione, Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, Lucy Walker, Kira Carstensen, Anne-Sophie Bion, Kevin Tent, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall, Thelma Schoonmaker, Christopher Tellefesn, Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston, Matthew Mungle, Nick Dudman, Amanda Knight, Lisa Tomblin, Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland, John Williams, Ludovic Bource, Howard Shore, Alberto Iglesias, Bret McKenzie, Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown, Siedah Garrett, Thomas Langmann, Jim Burke, Jim Taylor, Scott Rudin, Brunson Green, Chris Columbus, Michael Barnathan, Graham King, Letty Aronson, Stephen Tenenbaum, Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz, Kathleen Kennedy, Patrick Doyon, William Joyce, Brandon Oldenburg, Enrico Casarosa, Grant Orchard, Sue Goffe, Amanda Forbis, Wendy Tilby, Peter McDonald, Eimear O'Kane, Max Zahle, Stefan Gieren, Terry George, Oorlagh George, Andrew Bowler, Gigi Causey, Hallvar Witzo, Lon Bender, Victor Ray Ennis, Ren Kylce, Philip Stockton, Eugene Gearty, Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl, Richard Hymns, Gary Rydstrom, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce, Bo Persson, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley, Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, David Giammarco, Ed Novick, Greg Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey Haboush, Peter Devlin, Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson, Stuart Wilson, Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler, John Richardson, Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman, Alex Henning, Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor, Swen Gillberg, Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White, Daniel Barrett, Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler, John Frazier, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, John Logan, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Bridget O'Connor, Peter Straughan, Annie Mumolo, Kristin Wiig, J.C. Chandor, Asghar Farhadi

Another year – another snub.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences can F itself.

The same goes for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association…

And while I’m at it, The Producer’s Guild can suck it…

… and any other suck ass group of idiots who wouldn’t know a quality movie if it bit them in the balls.

Did you not even watch the screeners for “The Last Train To Crazy” or “The Forgotten 8”?

You obviously didn’t watch “American Hustle” or “Gravity.” If you had, you would have seen a couple of truly amateur efforts by complete amateurs.

David O. Russell hasn’t made a decent movie since “Spanking The Monkey”!

You even gave nominations to The Weinstein Company – that’s the biggest insult of all.

Harvey Weinstein is the Chris Christie of Hollywood.

Jesus.

Well, members of the Academy, I hope you enjoy all the cash, wine and spa vouchers I sent!

Hawk Koch – you are on my list.

You were officially the worst Academy President ever!

Ms. Boone had better clean up that organization or it will have one less member next year!

Goddamnit!

That is all.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Compan

January 15, 2014

Manka Bros. To ‘Bypass’ the Development Process

Good morning…

Following Kevin Reilly’s (Fox) announcement that they will no longer be participating in the TV Pilot Season process (which we’ve all been doing in this town for the past 50 years or so), I would like to take an even bolder step.

Today, I am announcing that the Manka Bros. Television Group is bypassing the entire DEVELOPMENT process. Because, let’s be frank, the creative executives that work at my studio suck ass and make everything they touch die like the “Boy In The Plastic Bubble.”

So – because of this complete incompetence and our crappy HR department’s inability to replace these pricks with anyone that can read, I have decided that Manka Bros. is now the most talent-friendly studio in town – because we give GREENLIGHTS to writers based on their FIRST DRAFTS!

Suck on that, Fox! Good luck giving that sort of control.

So, writers of TV (and film for that matter) – come to Manka Bros. – write for us and get pretty much anything you want and we won’t change a goddamn thing.

Rejoice, writers – Harvard MBAs will no longer be giving you notes on how to make your blue collar stories more gritty and believable.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 12, 2013January 14, 2014

Again, The Hollywood Foreign Press Association Can F Themselves

What a ridiculous list of nominations!

Another farce.

Another embarrassment.

It must be the Golden Globes!

And the Hollywood Foreign Press can F themselves. Right in the A.

Really, HFPA, you couldn’t find ONE Manka Bros. movie or TV show to nominate this year?

Did you see the Manka Bros. Films slate or the Manka Highbrow slate?

After last year’s snub, I said I was done with the Golden Globes – that they shouldn’t even think about nominating a Manka Bros. movie or TV show.

Well – and I’m serious this time like the heart attacks you’re all going to have soon – next year there will be no more cases of Slivovitz sent to your homes, no more Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes, no more vats of that God-awful perfume you always wear when you “go to disco.”

I’m done.

Just remember this, no matter how many times you nominate Jennifer Lawrence, she’s never going to “party with you.”

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company