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Jan
03

The Producers Guild Can Suck It

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Producers Guild of America, 2011 nominations, Steven Spielberg, Mark Gordon, Hawk Koch, Gary Lucchesi, Hayma "Screech" Washington, Shuler Donner, Gale Anne Hurd, John Hadity, Marshall Herskovitz, Jeffrey Lerner, Chris Thomes, Amy Jacobson Kurokawa, Darla K. Anderson, Fred Baron, Jerome Calimeri, Bruce Cohen, Kathleen Courtney, Maureen Dooling, Tracey Edmonds, Shoshanna R. Ezra, James Fino, Tim Gibbons, Richard Gladstein, Gary Goetzman, Brian Grazer, Sarah Green, Vanessa Hayes, Rachel Klein, Christina Lee Storm, Megan Mascena-Gaspar, Chris Pfaff, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Judy Race, Alison Savitch, Paula Wagner, Stephen C. Grossman, George A. Sunga, Dana Kuznetzkoff, Mark Marabella, David Fox, Jeff Gomez, John Hoffman, Nelle Nugent, Amy Robinson, Peter Saraf, Roger Birnbaum, Ian Bryce, Donald DeLine, David Friendly, Ali LeRoi, Lori McCreary, Erin O'Malley, David Picker, Lydia Dean Pilcher, Cathy Schulman, Josh Schwartz, Karen Spiegel, Mike Tollin, Paula Weinstein, James Fino, Kendall Allen, Michael Bellavia, Dina Benadon, Laurent Bouzereau, Mariana Danilovic, Jeanette DePatie, Shawn Gold, John Heinsen, Derek Hildebrandt, Charlotte Huggins, Sophia Kim, Cindy Pound, Marc Scarpa, Deborah Todd, Chris Williams, Felicia Wong, Susan Zwerman, Jeff Lerner, Kimberly Austin, Christina Lee Storm, Suzette Brown, Jerome Calimeri, Carrie Certa, David Hartle, Susan Sherayko, Rebecca Graham Forde, Terra Abroms, Derek Bartholomaus, Wendy Wallace, Maureen Dooling, Jen Haire, RJ Hume, John Peterman, Mitchell Ferm, Allen Maris, Vance Van Petten, Chris Green, Nikki Livolsi, Kyle Katz, Jo-Ann West, Bryce Averitt, Diane Salerno, Erik Bogh, Will Bryan, Scott Bengston, Mitzie Rothzeid, Patrick Gerety, Ben SilvermanAnd while I’m at it – the Hollywood Foreign Press can suck it, too!

So, this morning I returned to the studio from a month long vacation at my house in the Seychelles – feeling relaxed, very tan and ready to make 2012 the biggest and most profitable year in Manka Bros. history.

I even had a smile on my face.

One of my assistants (Vicky, I think??? – the one with the thing on her face), even told me that I looked happy for the first time ever.  And then she told me that the Producer’s Guild nominations were out – and a copy was on my desk.

Fantastic.  I couldn’t wait to see how many films from the 2011 Manka Bros. Films slate and/or Manka Highbrow slate made the list.

I sat down at my desk.  A very nice bowl of high-fiber fruit was waiting for me (because I ate way too much extra sharp cheddar cheese over the holidays).  I made a quick check of the list.

Hmmm… no Manka Bros. titles.

I looked a little closer.  Nope.

Ahmed Lateef, Aida Takla-O'Reilly, Alena Prime, Alessandra Venezia, Alexander Nevsky, Ali Sar, Ana Maria Bahiana, Andre Guimond, Aniko Navai, Anita Baum, Anke Hofmann, Ari Emanuel, Armando Gallo, Aud Berggren Morisse, Avik Gilboa, Ben Silverman, Cameron Diaz, Cher, Dagmar Dunlevy, Dierk Sindermann, Edmund Brettschneider, Elisa Leonelli, Elisabeth Sereda, Elmar Biebl, Emanuel Levy, Erkki "Erik" Kanto, Ersi Danou, Frances Schoenberger, Frank Rousseau, Gabriel Lerman, Gabrielle Donnelly, George Doss, Gilda Baum-Lappe, Golden Globes, H.J. Park, Hans J. Spurkel, Harvey Weinstein, Helen Hoehne, Helena Mar-Elia, Helmut Voss, Herve Tropea, Hollywood Foreign Press members, Howard Lucraft, Isabelle Caron, Jack Tewksbury, Janet R. Nepales, Jean E. Cummings, Jean-Paul Chaillet, Jenny Cooney Carrillo, Jerry Watson, Jill Kennedy, John Hiscock, Jorge Camara, Judy Solomon, Juliette Michaud, Karen Martin, Khan Manka, Kleo Lee, Lawrie Masterson, Lilly Lui, Lisa Lu, Lorenzo Soria, Luca Celada, Lynn M. Tso, Magnus Sundholm, Mahfouz Doss, Manka Bros., Margaret Gardiner, Maria Snoeys-Lagler, Mario Amaya, Marlene von Arx, Maureen Dragone, Max B. Miller, Meher Tatna, Mike Goodridge, Mira Panajotovic, Mohammed Rouda, Munawar Hosain, Nellee A. Holmes, Noel de Souza, Noemia Young, OnMedea, Paolua Abou-Jaoude, Patrica Danaher, Patrick Roth, Paz Mata, Philip Berk, Ramzi Malouki, Ray Arco, Ricky Gervais, Ricky van Veen, Rocio Ayuso, Ruben V. Nepales, Rui Henriques Coimbra, Scarlett Johansson, Scott Orlin, Serge Rakhlin, Silvia Bizio, The Tourist, Theo Kingma, Vera Anderson, Yenny Nun-Katz, Yoko Narita, Yola Czaderska-Hayek, Yoram Kahana, Yukiko NakajimaThat’s really odd.  I sent cases of Opus One to that fucking place.

(And I sent cartons of Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes to the Hollywood Foreign Press which didn’t result in any nominations either.)

There must be some mistake.

Perhaps we were so loaded down with Television nominations the Producers Guild felt it would have been too much to give us a Theatrical nomination.

Certainly there would be a few shows from the Manka Bros. Television slate on that list.  Everyone has told me that Forensics: The New Voices is a virtual lock for a best drama nomination.

Hmmmm…. no TV nominations either.

I mean, what in the fucking goddamned shit is going on?!!

Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got TWO NOMINATIONS!  TWO!  For “War Horse” and “Tintin” – are you fucking kidding me?

Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!

Did the Producers Guild not see “Freedom Swimmers” starring Michael Phelps?  Did they not see “Last Train To Crazy”?  Or “Bella Sangiovese”?

Well, Producers Guild, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.  You’re a bunch of freakin’ dinosaurs who decide nominations over martinis and cheese toast at The Smoke House.

FYI, here is the Manka Bros. Films 2012 Slate and our Manka Highbrow 2012 Slate.  These are the films you won’t be allowed to nominate.

Your loss, losers.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Please return my very expensive wine.  There are many others more deserving of my bribes.

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2012/01/03/the-producers-guild-can-suck-it/

10 comments

2 pings

  1. Hollywood Producer says:

    Yeah, no “Freedom Swimmers” – right, big shock. Sorry Khan – you guys got screwed. This is a bizarre list of top 10 films. Definitely lots of old Hollywood in there. It’s like they want to kill the film industry by not allowing anyone new in.

  2. fred says:

    Hugo? War Horse? Tintin? Is this the worst year ever? Not by a long shot. Remember the year Out of Africa won best picture. That movie is shit.

    1. Hollywood Producer says:

      Don’t forget “English Patient” and “Titantic”. War Horse and Hugo can’t be any worse that either of those – though I haven’t seen either one.

  3. a says:

    Isn’t the Producers Guild awards about making money? That’s a producers main goal isn’t it? In that case, where is Harry Potter? Just wondering.

  4. That's right - SUCK IT says:

    Of the films in contention this year, those I would put into the five truly contending for best picture (not the extra five to expand the category to ten) are: The Help, The Descendants, My Week with Marilyn, The Artist and several others fighting it out for the fifth nomination. It might be Potter just because the Academy has pretty much ignored this monster franchise.

  5. Ohhhh says:

    Ohhhh…it’s the “Producer’s Guild”….I thought you were bitching about pointless like the Oscars…LOL I was wayy off

  6. Shay Smith says:

    Fuck your dumbass movies Khan. Drive is the movie of the year. End of discussion. I agree the producers guild are idiots who don’t know a great movie when they see one..

  7. clint says:

    No J. Edgar. No Harry Potter. 2 George Clooney movies including the crappy ides of march and the ok Decendants. I dont’ what the standards are or hwo they are judged. It hink its as Khan said, over martinis and toast at the smoke house.

  8. DeVan says:

    Unions are killing Hollywood. They promote Marxist group-think which eliminates the ability for independent, creative art. Why do so many in the entertainment industry embrace an ideology that stifles exceptional ism and freedom of expression? ! Because that is the union way: nobody is allowed to be any better, creative or less miserable than anybody else. Everyone here is intimidated by SAG, AFTRA, the writers “guild” so it’s no wonder we can no longer create uplifting, inspirational films. Union, NO!

  9. Read more says:

    Very funny picture lol who are there people ?

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