The Terrorist Games of the 22nd Olympiad

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Those Damn Kids, Lester Aldrich, Sochi Olympic Games, Matt Lauer, Vladimir Putin, Pootie Poot, Savannah Guthrie

You know we’re living in a crazy fucked up world when a victory for Russia is that no one gets killed during the Sochi Olympic games.

If terrorists do not strike, I can imagine Vladimir Putin shouting from the Caucasus Mountains: “See, I told you! Now please you to come to Russia for visit. We are safe!”

Yeah, fat chance, Pootie Poot.

The fact is, most people in the world will be very surprised if there isn’t at least one act of violence or terrorism during the games.

I personally believe there will be several acts of violence and probably a couple of countries will leave early because of it.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Those Damn Kids, Lester Aldrich, Sochi Olympic Games, Matt Lauer, Vladimir Putin, Pootie Poot, Savannah GuthrieWhat’s the point of going there then?

I understand it for the athletes, they been training their entire young lives and this might be their only shot. If you’re a cross-country skier, you roll the dice at that point.

But why do we have to send Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie into the shit?

How many morning show hosts are we willing to sacrifice for sport? 15? 20?

Shame on you, NBC.

Send that guy that’s always in the flak jacket in Egypt. He can probably tell you what’s happening in the luge.

There’s no upside for Russia as host of these games. Why would anyone visit a place that needs 40,000 troops to protect you?

A million troops could probably protect South Sudan but you see them trying to host the Academy Awards or even a bowling tournament.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Those Damn Kids, Lester Aldrich, Sochi Olympic Games, Matt Lauer, Vladimir Putin, Pootie Poot, Savannah Guthrie, Polish ice dancersIt’s such a joke.

Those Olympics venues will look like Sarajaveo’s in a couple of years with grass growing through what used to be a Curling arena or whatever.

I hear they have 40,000 troops guarding the Games.

That has to make one feel secure – 40,000 drunken Russian troops lusting after Polish ice dancers.

The goddamned Polish ice dancers never had a chance.

Oh, well, I’ll be watching.

I love the Olympics.

I’ll talk at you later…

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

P.S. – No report on Those Damn Kids this week – it’s too goddamned cold for even those little pissants to come out from their holes.

 

Christie and McDonnell Nailed All The Seven Deadly Sins

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. Lee

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeThis has been a terrible year for two popular Republican Governors… Chris Christie and Bob McDonnell.

Both of their political lives are basically over… “allegedly” (I was told to say by the Manka Bros. lawyers).

There were actually certain people who thought one or both of them could have one day been President!

HA!

At this point, they have a better chance to earn $1 billion from Warren Buffet for picking a perfect NCAA Men’s Basketball Bracket (which is a 1 in a 3.8 trillion chance).

So, let’s run down the 7 DEADLY SINS and see how the great men from Virginia and New Jersey fared:

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeChris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeSIN #1 – LUST:

This is probably the one that no one in America cares about (at least not from these guys). They both obviously had a lust for power but most think of this one in a sexual context – so let’s just assume they had it and let’s try not to think about it any more.

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeSIN #2 – GLUTTONY:

I’m looking at Governor Christie mainly on this one (butter ain’t butter unless it’s deep fried!). Governor McDonnell obviously has a gluttony for wedding dinners but Governor Christie had a gluttony for everyone else’s dinner.

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeSIN #3 – GREED:

Governor McDonnell (and wife) – any questions? And Governor Christie’s greed for political endorsements was his undoing – though it’s hard to understand why anyone would be that stupid. As a comparison, Governor Christie easily wins the battle of Greed – like a foot race between Usain Bolt and Betty White.

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeChris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeSIN #4 – SLOTH:

Governor Christie – any questions? In general both men are guilty because they had no desire to cover their tracks. So lazy. Corruption in the digital age has never seen such sloth. How hard is it to hide the bullshit you are attempting to do?

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeSIN #5 – WRATH:

The wrath by Governor Christie on those who wouldn’t endorse him is (allegedly – HA!) certainly wrath – right, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken and Mayor of Ft. Lee?

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeChris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeSIN #6 – ENVY:

Both Governors really envy Air Force 1 and would have loved to have been in control of that son of a bitch. Alas, ain’t gonna happen.

Mrs. McDonnell, you really couldn’t wait to demand a Rolex with an inscription? In the words of the whore Julia Roberts from “Pretty Woman” ‘BIG MISTAKE!’

Chris Christie, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Bob McDonnell, 7 deadly sins, Warren Buffet, Carl Lewis, Mayor of Hoboken, Mayer of Ft. LeeSIN #7 – PRIDE:

Governor Christie had to boast about being the guy who put the cones down during #Bridgegate. If only that’s all you did. If you kept the bridge open, you may have been President of the United States. And if Bob McDonnell would have…

Nah – Bob McDonnell wouldn’t have been gum sweeper at a Presidential theme park no matter what he did – so I suppose he should have tried to get all the shit he could. He and his wife were just really sloppy.

The real tragedy is Chris Christie – his dreams are dead.

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

 

Chris Christie Needs To Give Up

Chris Christie, Those Damn Kids, Lester Aldrich, BridgegateIf I ever saw man who was never going to be President of the United States it is Chris Christie.

He just has no chance and should not take one more dollar from a person who wants to donate to his Presidential campaign.

If he had any dignity, he would realize that it’s all over, apologize and figure out what he’s going to do for the rest of his life.

Because he’s not going to be President – and will most likely not hold any elected office ever again.

That’s just the truth.

He reminds me of Those Damn Kids on my block who think they just do whatever they want – walk on my lawn, put burning bags of shit on my porch, toilet paper in my trees – and expect to get away with it.

He has about as much control over his staff as he does with his weight – zero.

Which is also the percentage chance he has to be President.

I’ll talk at you next week…

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

I Think My Medicine Is Making Me Sicker

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Namenda, Those Damn Kids, DementiaDr. Quack put me on a new pill the other day and it’s fucking up my life.

I’ve been crying like a baby girl and writing sentimental hogwash about the horrors of war.

I’ve been peeing my pants (more than normal) and sweating more than a Boston marathon bomber hiding in a boat in the backyard.

And worse of all, I’ve had no energy to scream at THOSE DAMN KIDS!

School started this week and my yard is already showing the effects. Those little pissants love to use my yard as a sidewalk and my shrubs as a trash bin. Walk in the street, ya little Hitler youths!

Now my hands are trembling.

Fuck this new pill. I am officially disobeying Dr. Quack.

I’ll talk at you next week (if I live that long).

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

 

All This War Is Breaking My Heart

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Those Damn Kids, Lester Aldrich, Syria Chemical Attack, President Asad, Barack Obama, President, WarWar sucks.

I don’t have to tell anyone that.

I’ve been through two and had a kid through one.

I’m 88 years old.

War sucks.

There is nothing funny this week. Snotty Scotty can do whatever he wants to my lawn this week because it doesn’t matter at all.

BECAUSE OF THAT PHOTO!

Bashar al-Assad in Syria must be destroyed. As Hitler needed to be destroyed. As anyone who kills innocents must be destroyed.

A chemical attack is pure evil.

He must be destroyed.

He destroyed children.

He destroyed mothers.

He destroyed brothers.

He destroyed fathers.

He destroyed sisters.

He destroyed pets.

HE must be destroyed.

But all this war is breaking my heart.

What do you do when you must do something but when you do it it ruins everything you hoped life would be?

That’s war.

That’s Obama’s decision.

And it breaks my heart.

More will die.

And it must be done.

Life sucks.

I’ll talk at you next week.

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

Dick Shepherd

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Lester Aldrich, Those Damn Kids, Dick Shepherd, Michigan State, Tiger Woods, World War 2Dick Shepherd (left picture – 1943) came by the house last weekend and we watched golf and basketball on television.

Michigan State looks good and so does Tiger Woods (though I think if he gets close to breaking Sam Sneed’s record for most victories or Jack Nicholson’s record most major victories, someone should break Tiger’s hands).

Dick Shepherd – or ‘Shep’ as I call him – has been an acquaintance of mine for over 75 years. Neither one of us left the neighborhood after the war like so many others I used to know that are long since dead.

Shep moved to East Lansing in 1935 from Hawaii. And like everyone from that stupid “state,” he’s about as smart as a coconut. He’s got six stupid grandchildren that like to do stuff like hide his dentures and spray him with the hose.

Thank God it was cold outside – so Those Damn Kids from the neighborhood were most likely pissing all over the mall urinals and watching another two hours of Hollywood tripe.

This is not a complaint. I am grateful for the afternoon of peace from those little assholes.

But back to Shep. He’s got one kidney, half a tongue and a quarter lung left. Doctors say, once he gets down to an eighth of a lung, he can being the countdown to his death.

Shep’s looking forward to that countdown – aren’t we all.

He still smokes and chews tobacco at the same time.

Good ol’ Shep.

I’d put a current picture of Shep here – but I promised him I wouldn’t. There is absolutely no resemblance left of that young man up there.

So we’re watching this golf tournament and every one of the damn commercials is about retirement planning or erectile disorder. Is every man who watches golf impotent and in need of financial advice?

But the commercials on the Michigan State basketball game were about young men drinking and trying to have sex with young attractive women.

If those young men want to keep having sex with those young women, they had better watch more golf and figure out how to stay erect and plan for a strong financial future.

Or they’ll just end up like me.

I’ll talk at you next week…

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

Friday Nights Are Hell Around Here

East Lansing, flaming manure, football game, Friday night lights, Khan Manka, Labatts, Lester Aldrich, Manka Bros., Michigan, Mrs. Aldrich, Octogenarian, old man blog, Sam Singh, Spartans, Theodore Staton, Those Damn Kids, toilet paper trees, TP in trees, World's Largest Media CompanyFriday nights are Hell around here and God knows I’ve never been too high on abortions – but if it meant I would get one peaceful Friday night, I would have aborted every one of THOSE DAMN KIDS in the third trimester with the head sticking out!

Me and Mrs. Aldrich get back from Denny’s about 4:45 every Friday night (tonight was no exception). I like to have me a LaBatt’s or three to sort of wind down from the week of staring at the floor and wondering when I’ll just die.

Then the sun goes down and it all starts.

First comes the blaring of car horns and the high-pitch screaming as they pass by.

Do these stupid kids want the whole neighborhood to think they’re idiots?

Dick suckers so high on pot they can’t even drive straight!

About an hour later, when they think I’m asleep, comes the TP.

AARP, Afghanistan, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Ding Dong Ditch 'em, Douglas Macarthur, East Lansing, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Flaming bags of manure, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Friendship 7, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Iraq, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Glenn, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, korean war, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, Lester, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, manka bros., Manka Bros., Mercury Atlas 6, Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Seven Plagues of the Bible, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, Those Damn Kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media CompanyIf those little squirts knew how scarce that stuff was during the war and what we had to use to wipe our butts, they’d think twice about throwing roll after roll all over my 100-year-old elm tree.

Then it’s shaving cream and flaming manure time.

Like clockwork, those sissymarys write unmentionable sayings all over my driveway and lawn then set a bag of shit on fire.

The retards then ring the bell to let me know what they’ve done.

I GODDAMNED KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE! YOU’VE RUINED MY GODDAMNED LAWN AND MY FRIDAY NIGHT IS WHAT YOU’VE DONE!

I swear to Jesus Christ, next time I’m calling the cops and bomb sniffing dogs! I’ve had it.

And every Saturday it takes Mrs. Aldrich half the day just clean all that crap up.

I’ll talk at you next week…

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

 

Mitt Romney Must Not Win – A Plea From An Old Man

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham Young, Sean Hannity, Bob Dole, Ann Coulter, James Grisham, Eric Stanger, Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch,  Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham YoungI haven’t written in a long time because, frankly, I thought I would be dead by now.

When you live with a colostomy bag you pretty much wish you were dead all the time, but somehow I’m still here.

And so are Those Damn Kids.

Over the weekend, the little fuckers TP’d my house again. It took Mrs. Aldrich all day Saturday and most of Sunday to get that shit crap out of my trees.

But I’m not writing about Those Damn Kids today, I’m writing about Mitt Romney (speaking of shit crap!).

MITT ROMNEY MUST NOT WIN THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION! 

A Romney victory would be bad for me. Bad for Mrs. Aldrich. Bad for Michigan. Bad for the country. And bad for the whole damn world.

He wants to be President not because he wants to help anyone. He wants to be President because it would be the culmination of a career. The top line of a resume he has been filling out his entire life.

I’m not going to get into his shitty politics and things he plans to do to reward all those who helped him get into office. You can hear and read all of that everywhere else.

Frankly, I’m sick of it and wish it were all over.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham Young, Sean Hannity, Bob Dole, Ann Coulter, James Grisham, Eric Stanger, Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham YoungThis is a gut feeling – and I haven’t had many feelings in my gut for a long time (especially with this fucking jello and broth diet I have to be on until I die!).

I absolutely feel things… are… getting… better.

If Mitt Romney is elected, things… will… get… worse.

Life in Michigan has been a goddamned grind since 2000. There were no boom years under Bush – anyone who tells you that is a liar.

And this isn’t a personal attack on Mr. Romney (though it makes me sick that someone who is 65 looks as young as he does). It’s wrong to live an entire life and not put cigarettes and booze in your system.

How could you live through the 1960s and 1970s without cigarettes and booze?

And this isn’t a religious attack – though I don’t have many Mormon friends (they just never hung out in the same bars as I did). As far as I’m concerned, a person can worship whatever and whomever they like. I don’t understand how they believe the Garden of Eden is in western Missouri. I’ve been to western Missouri and I still haven’t got the stink off me. But that’s not for me to judge.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham Young, Sean Hannity, Bob Dole, Ann Coulter, James Grisham, Eric Stanger, Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham YoungI didn’t even hate his father like many people in this state did when he was Governor for a few years in the 1960s. I had no trouble with him. He kept his hands off the auto industry and that’s all that mattered to most people in this state back then.

I’ve lived 89 years. And, no, I’m not better off than I was four years ago. Four years ago I could still use my ass to take a shit.

Health is everything.

Let me repeat, health is EVERYTHING. Money means NOTHING without your health.

And this country is about to put a man in office that values money over everything else.

EVERYTHING ELSE.

Health be damned.

What does he care? He’s never even had a beer in his life.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham Young, Sean Hannity, Bob Dole, Ann Coulter, James Grisham, Eric Stanger, Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Manka Bros. Studios, The World's Largest Media Company, Newt Gingrich, Callista Gingrich, Jackie Battley, Marianne Ginther, Jeff Weiner, Ben Silverman, Rob Johnson, Sonny Perdue, Rick Tyler, Hermain Cain, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Michele Bachman, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Joseph Smith, Thomas S. Monson, Elder Cook, Elder Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Perry, Elder Bednar, George Romney, Ann Romney, Brigham YoungHe’ll live to 110 without even so much as a cold.

A President like that has no incentive to finding a cure for cancer and only has disdain for those of us weak enough to be sick.

I just saw him this morning passing out McDonald’s french fries and Big Macs to reporters on his plane.

Perhaps it’s some long-term plan to kill off the opposition.

I’ll bet anyone $10,000 that that wasn’t his lunch. (I better not lose this bet, I have $106 in my bank account.)

I’ll speak at you next week…

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

 

 

 

 

When John Glenn Circled The Earth

AARP, Afghanistan, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Ding Dong Ditch 'em, Douglas Macarthur, East Lansing, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Flaming bags of manure, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Friendship 7, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Iraq, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Glenn, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, korean war, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, Lester, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, manka bros., Manka Bros., Mercury Atlas 6, Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Seven Plagues of the Bible, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, Those Damn Kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media Company

AARP, Afghanistan, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Ding Dong Ditch 'em, Douglas Macarthur, East Lansing, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Flaming bags of manure, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Friendship 7, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Iraq, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Glenn, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, korean war, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, Lester, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, manka bros., Manka Bros., Mercury Atlas 6, Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Seven Plagues of the Bible, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, Those Damn Kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media CompanyThere’s not a man outside waiting to kill me if I step out of my house and there’s NOT a terrible flu virus killing off the old people of the world (Swine Flu is for pussies!).

The only problem, as I see it from my front porch in eastern Michigan, is THOSE DAMN KIDS!

Fifty years ago TODAY(!), when John Glenn circled the world in the Friendship 7 in 1962, there weren’t kids on skateboards jumping over your car or riding bikes and sleds onto your lawn.

The only kids I saw back then were saluting the flag.

The only kids I saw back then respected their elders.

Look here, I can remember 1932.   How many of you assholes can say that? (ed. note: non-octogenarians, that is)

I remember when things were really bad.

When children cried when they were hungry and policemen were corrupt.  We’ve won six wars over the past 80 years (eight if you count Iraq and Afghanistan!).

What have the 12 year-olds of today done?

AARP, Afghanistan, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Antonio ( "El Bailarín" ) Ruiz Soler, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, Carmen Amaya, Charles de Gaulle, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Ding Dong Ditch 'em, Douglas Macarthur, East Lansing, east lansing, Edgard de Larminat, El Farruco, elephant toilet, Erich Von Manstein, Flamenco, Flaming bags of manure, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Friendship 7, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Iraq, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, John Glenn, José Greco, Joseph de Goislard de Monsabert, Juan Manuel ( "El Farruquito" ) Fernández, Khan Manka, korean war, Korean War, La Argentina, La Argentinita, la trucha, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, Lester, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Maginot Line, manka bros., Manka Bros., Mercury Atlas 6, Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Seven Plagues of the Bible, Spain during World War 2, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, Those Damn Kids, VFW Hall, Vicente Escudero, Vietnam War, World War 2, World's largest Media CompanyThey broke my front window for one.  Yep, they sure did that.

Hit Mrs. Aldrich in the legs with a ball.  That sure was “cool”.

Ding dong ditch ’em?  Oh, you bet.

Flaming manure? 
 12 bags, 12 days.

One day, Mrs. Aldrich and I were on our way out to movie and little Snotty Scotty got it into his mind to throw firecrackers at Mrs. Aldrich.

Real classy, Snotty.  You’re lucky she lost her hearing years ago, jerk!

Kids at the supermarket yell at me for parking in a handicap spot.

I haven’t straightened my right leg in 20 goddamned years, fuckers!  Of course I’m handicapped!  You want me to empty my colostomy bag inside your boots!

I hate the kids of today.  I wish they were all dead.

No, there’s no Seven Plagues of the Bible or Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse coming to destroy the world.

The only thing that will destroy this God forsaken planet is THOSE DAMN KIDS!

GOD SPEED, JOHN GLENN!

I’ll talk at you next week…

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurLester Aldrich – Those Damn Kids

Lester Aldrich Has Colostomy Bag Issues And Can’t Straighten His Fingers…

AARP, aging, Alf Landon, Andy Rooney, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Art LInkletter, Ben Silverman, bleeding from the ass, brown spot on stomach, cannibalism, CNN, colon bleeding, colostomy bag, Douglas Macarthur, east lansing, elephant toilet, Garrison Keillor, George Burns, George Herbert Walker Bush, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Korean War, korean war, lansing state journal, Lawrence Welk, lester aldrich, Lew Wasserman, Manka Bros., manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, old man blog, Paul Harvey, Rupert Murdoch, Satan, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, those damn kids, World War 2, World's largest Media CompanyHello, this is Mrs. Aldrich – Lester Aldrich’s wife.

He wanted me to type something here to tell you that he can’t write his column today because he has issues with his colostomy bag (see right) and can’t straighten his fingers.

And last night ‘s Republican debate gave him a seizure.

He also wanted me to tell you that he still hates THOSE DAMN KIDS and will be continuing his quest to destroy them all starting next week provided he regains the ability to shit.

He will talk at you next week.

AARP, Alf Landon, Arbys, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, cannibalism, CNN, east lansing, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, korean war, lester aldrich, manka bros., Michigan, octogenarian, those damn kids, World's largest Media Company, Paul Harvey, Art LInklletter, Lawrence Welk, Garrison Keillor, Andy Rooney, Douglas MacarthurMrs. Aldrich – Those Damn Kids